Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

I don't think people are glossing over it. But ending a friendship with someone over this is kinda nuts. I mean were you ever really friends?

You cannot maintain a friendship with someone who’s kid is mistreating your own. You would not not should you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

I don't think people are glossing over it. But ending a friendship with someone over this is kinda nuts. I mean were you ever really friends?

Were you? OMG stuff happens in friendships that changes them all the time. Kids having trouble getting along can certainly be one of them. Are you really this socially sheltered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

I know plenty of six year olds and physically harming another child coupled with spreading rumors about them in order to socially isolate them is not run of the mill.

Are you the mom of the bully in question? And yes, it's textbook bullying. The PP who said not to call it that is FOS.

Are you the OP or a sockpuppet? Who made you such an authority of what's happening in this case?

Neither. OP has given plenty of information. The behavior is bullying and unacceptable. Why is that hard? No one is calling for any exceptionally harsh circumstances for the bully. The kids are being separated and it's probably a good idea for the time being. End of story.

What is it that you are looking for? Rationalizing how that bullying is acceptable. It isn't.

what’s the purpose of labeling this “bullying”? It seems like you think “bullying” is some kind of scientific truth that leads to an inevitable course of action. From all that OP said, the situation is much more complex than “one bully and one innocent victim.” Of course when kids this young are having repeated issues you need to pay attention and take action, but using the term “bully” as if it’s some kind of diagnosis is absurd.

Your ridiculous reach is what’s absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily.

[Anonymous]

THis behavior is happening in kindergarten??? wtf??? This story seems fake.

[Anonymous]

Multiple things can be true here. The other child can be bullying. But the OPs daughter may need some help with her social skills. Considering they are both 6 and in kindergarten is this really shocking to some people? Working through all this and learning how to be a friend is sort of the point on kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

I don't think people are glossing over it. But ending a friendship with someone over this is kinda nuts. I mean were you ever really friends?

Were you? OMG stuff happens in friendships that changes them all the time. Kids having trouble getting along can certainly be one of them. Are you really this socially sheltered?

I was bullied in school and I think this is dramatic. Plenty of my mom's friends kids picked on me. It doesn't last forever. Yes you can separate them but ending your friendship with the mom is over the top. A year from now it could be completely different. Some of you are just setting your kids up to walk away from difficult situations instead of working things out or taking a brief hiatus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily.

Then both kids would be in the wrong, right? And both would need some guidance on how to handle the situation more appropriately. And the separation would still be appropriate. And OP could still be sad about the change in the friendship.

So what is your point, exactly? That internet strangers should not make snap judgements about the other six year old? Noted. But she might also just be a mean kid who victimized OP's kid, right? Yup.

I appreciate that many of us have had victimized kids (and that is what it is!) and might read our own stuff into OP's scenario, but that doesn't mean that is what is happening with OP's kid. I find it weird that on DCUM people frequently try to poke holes in the OP this way, frequently assume the OP is withholding something, frequently assume OP's kid deserved whatever they go. It so often seems the PPs are just projecting their own experience, regardless of what OP's reality is.

In the end, even if what you are proposing were true of OP's kid, is it okay for the other kid to punch and exclude in the way she was? No. So the separation of the girls is appropriate either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

I don't think people are glossing over it. But ending a friendship with someone over this is kinda nuts. I mean were you ever really friends?

Were you? OMG stuff happens in friendships that changes them all the time. Kids having trouble getting along can certainly be one of them. Are you really this socially sheltered?

I was bullied in school and I think this is dramatic. Plenty of my mom's friends kids picked on me. It doesn't last forever. Yes you can separate them but ending your friendship with the mom is over the top. A year from now it could be completely different. Some of you are just setting your kids up to walk away from difficult situations instead of working things out or taking a brief hiatus.

The deciding factor of whether to stay friends with the mom is how she is reacting/handling the situation. If the mother refuses to correct the bullying behavior of her 6-8 year old because "the girls will work it out", that isn't someone I am willing to stay friends with. I have had moms where our kids just don't really mesh and and aren't friends - that's fine. But if you let your kid be mean to my kid repeatedly, then you aren't actually my friend and I have no interest in being yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

I don't think people are glossing over it. But ending a friendship with someone over this is kinda nuts. I mean were you ever really friends?

I didn’t end the friendship. But the act of saying the girls who were seeing each other outside of school at least three times a week can’t at least for the near future has an impact on the relationship and I am sad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily.

Then both kids would be in the wrong, right? And both would need some guidance on how to handle the situation more appropriately. And the separation would still be appropriate. And OP could still be sad about the change in the friendship.

So what is your point, exactly? That internet strangers should not make snap judgements about the other six year old? Noted. But she might also just be a mean kid who victimized OP's kid, right? Yup.

I appreciate that many of us have had victimized kids (and that is what it is!) and might read our own stuff into OP's scenario, but that doesn't mean that is what is happening with OP's kid. I find it weird that on DCUM people frequently try to poke holes in the OP this way, frequently assume the OP is withholding something, frequently assume OP's kid deserved whatever they go. It so often seems the PPs are just projecting their own experience, regardless of what OP's reality is.

In the end, even if what you are proposing were true of OP's kid, is it okay for the other kid to punch and exclude in the way she was? No. So the separation of the girls is appropriate either way.

I am not the previous poster but I think you can feel that the separation is appropriate, the other child’s actions were inexcusable and still encourage OP to think through her daughter’s role in this. None us know, of course, but when the attitude is my child is perfect and the things the other child said about her *had* to be lies, this other six year old is just a bad kid with bad parents…well that’s often not the case so a little introspection might be useful, even though it’s hard to think of anything else when your child is hurt. I am sorry your DD was hurt like this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THis behavior is happening in kindergarten??? wtf??? This story seems fake.

You need to read the book little girls can be mean. And yes it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily.

Then both kids would be in the wrong, right? And both would need some guidance on how to handle the situation more appropriately. And the separation would still be appropriate. And OP could still be sad about the change in the friendship.

So what is your point, exactly? That internet strangers should not make snap judgements about the other six year old? Noted. But she might also just be a mean kid who victimized OP's kid, right? Yup.

I appreciate that many of us have had victimized kids (and that is what it is!) and might read our own stuff into OP's scenario, but that doesn't mean that is what is happening with OP's kid. I find it weird that on DCUM people frequently try to poke holes in the OP this way, frequently assume the OP is withholding something, frequently assume OP's kid deserved whatever they go. It so often seems the PPs are just projecting their own experience, regardless of what OP's reality is.

In the end, even if what you are proposing were true of OP's kid, is it okay for the other kid to punch and exclude in the way she was? No. So the separation of the girls is appropriate either way.

I am not the previous poster but I think you can feel that the separation is appropriate, the other child’s actions were inexcusable and still encourage OP to think through her daughter’s role in this. None us know, of course, but when the attitude is my child is perfect and the things the other child said about her *had* to be lies, this other six year old is just a bad kid with bad parents…well that’s often not the case so a little introspection might be useful, even though it’s hard to think of anything else when your child is hurt. I am sorry your DD was hurt like this, OP.

I was aware my child was clingy and had worked on trying to expand her friendships. This include organizing multiple play dates for her with other girls. So it was rather jarring that when I suggested she play with other girls when this girl wanted space to be told her new play date friends didn’t want to play with her as this girl had told them she wasn’t cool to play with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

Something about the way you phrased this just rubs me the wrong way.

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Anonymous wrote:I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was very attached to this girl and was clingy before.

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on.

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls.

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.

She is being a bully right now. But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow. She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.

PP again. Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy. Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids? Absolutely not. Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior. You can't sugar coat that. So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship. Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways. The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good. The OP is not calling for further action. She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily.

Then both kids would be in the wrong, right? And both would need some guidance on how to handle the situation more appropriately. And the separation would still be appropriate. And OP could still be sad about the change in the friendship.

So what is your point, exactly? That internet strangers should not make snap judgements about the other six year old? Noted. But she might also just be a mean kid who victimized OP's kid, right? Yup.

I appreciate that many of us have had victimized kids (and that is what it is!) and might read our own stuff into OP's scenario, but that doesn't mean that is what is happening with OP's kid. I find it weird that on DCUM people frequently try to poke holes in the OP this way, frequently assume the OP is withholding something, frequently assume OP's kid deserved whatever they go. It so often seems the PPs are just projecting their own experience, regardless of what OP's reality is.

In the end, even if what you are proposing were true of OP's kid, is it okay for the other kid to punch and exclude in the way she was? No. So the separation of the girls is appropriate either way.

I am not the previous poster but I think you can feel that the separation is appropriate, the other child’s actions were inexcusable and still encourage OP to think through her daughter’s role in this. None us know, of course, but when the attitude is my child is perfect and the things the other child said about her *had* to be lies, this other six year old is just a bad kid with bad parents…well that’s often not the case so a little introspection might be useful, even though it’s hard to think of anything else when your child is hurt. I am sorry your DD was hurt like this, OP.

I'm the PP you are responding to and I appreciate your thoughtful response. I totally agree that in these situations both sets of parents need to look at what might be happening with their own child. There are always two sides to the story.

However, based on OP's responses here, I don't think she is one of those parents who automatically assumed her child was a blameless angel and did no investigation into her child's behavior that may have contributed to the situation. And I don't understand the people who are objecting to the use of the word "bully" or "bullying" in this context. The other child did bully OP's child. I don't see anyone here saying that necessarily means she is a bully forever! I certainly don't think she is automatically a "bad" kid. But she needs guidance and we can call it what it is.