Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

[Anonymous]

When my DD was 1st grade she had a “best friend”, at near the end of 1st grade semester my DD finally told us the “best friend” had always hit her, took her stuff away, ignore her and play with others etc, but that’s the only friend my DD had so my DD found excuses for her best friend and said she would become nice when she grow older. What I did was to make sure they won’t be in the same class starting 2nd grade. I felt some kids were born evil and some are even very smart to fool around oter kids even adults, acting they are innocent, to put a stop before it ruined my kid is the only right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten? Did you at least try to give her time to address it with her child before you went all after school special? Bullying? In kindergarten? Good grief, they’re five!

Oh yes I did. It was a girls will be girls we spoke to her there are both sides to the story attitude.

Ugh. All the Greatest Hits of Lazy Parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For kids that young it’s really better to say her kid was having some behavior issues/acting out rather than bullying. Of course you need to protect your child but calling it bullying in such a young child isn’t fair and you’re right the friendship is t likely to recover.

It's bullying no how you phrase it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re in kindergarten you could have worked through it way to ruin a friendship

You did the right thing OP. Ignore this.

[Anonymous]

You were right. Put your baby first.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is now 13. I separate my friendships with my kids’ friendships now.

I actually met up with a friend of mine and we became friends when our kids were babies. She had a daughter. I had a son. She mentioned her daughter’s birthday and seemed to feel bad that we weren’t invited. My son is not friends with her daughter. They go to different schools. We had a party for my boys and I didn’t even think to invite her.

When the kid is actually mean to your kid, it is harder to separate. I think some kids are just mean and I prefer my kids not be around them. Then there are kids with behavioral problems that they may outgrow. There is this one mom I had written off because her kids were out of control, always hitting others. It was just more pleasant when the kids weren’t around and the parents never disciplined their poor behavior. Both parents are nice people. Now the kids are older and totally normal decent kids.

[Anonymous]

The physical issue sounds serious, the rest of it sounds like typical bad behavior of 6 year old girls. Tattling to the teacher or exaggerating isn’t spreading rumors. She might have thought your daughter was rude, when she wasn’t, bc they are 6 and have completely warped interpretation of situations. You are talking about 6 yo like they are teenagers lol. But again the physical stuff is bad, and I have seen kids friendships go south in this exact way with a few friends of mine. And no the mother’s friendship never recovered. In the future, if you want to save the friendship, you have to find a way to resolve it without calling the other child a bully and being more collaborative rather than blaming (even if the kid is more at fault, that never goes over well and parents get defensive)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

You must be moms of toddlers. Do you know how many times my kids have come home crying about so-and-so excluding them and not playing with them and then the next week they forget all about it and are best friends? Happens all the time. Or my kids didn't get along with some kids who were too physical, or bossy, and then a few months later all is forgotten and everyone is friends. You people need to chill and quit labelling young children as monsters when they are all still just figuring things out. Maybe OP and the kid aren't meant to be friends, or maybe they will work it out. It's kindergarten, after the summer it can all change.

+1 We’ll said. The pandemic and some kids being overly isolated has made some of the behaviors worse. Which is to be expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The physical issue sounds serious, the rest of it sounds like typical bad behavior of 6 year old girls. Tattling to the teacher or exaggerating isn’t spreading rumors. She might have thought your daughter was rude, when she wasn’t, bc they are 6 and have completely warped interpretation of situations. You are talking about 6 yo like they are teenagers lol. But again the physical stuff is bad, and I have seen kids friendships go south in this exact way with a few friends of mine. And no the mother’s friendship never recovered. In the future, if you want to save the friendship, you have to find a way to resolve it without calling the other child a bully and being more collaborative rather than blaming (even if the kid is more at fault, that never goes over well and parents get defensive)

I didn’t call the child a bully to her face. I didn’t even blame her child. I said it broke my heart the kids weren’t playing well and it seemed to both child’s benefit that they be separated for now and that my hope is that they could reconnect later. I am not that undiplomatic. But let’s face it the reality is the relationship won’t be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

You must be moms of toddlers. Do you know how many times my kids have come home crying about so-and-so excluding them and not playing with them and then the next week they forget all about it and are best friends? Happens all the time. Or my kids didn't get along with some kids who were too physical, or bossy, and then a few months later all is forgotten and everyone is friends. You people need to chill and quit labelling young children as monsters when they are all still just figuring things out. Maybe OP and the kid aren't meant to be friends, or maybe they will work it out. It's kindergarten, after the summer it can all change.

+1 We’ll said. The pandemic and some kids being overly isolated has made some of the behaviors worse. Which is to be expected.

So her child has to take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

You must be moms of toddlers. Do you know how many times my kids have come home crying about so-and-so excluding them and not playing with them and then the next week they forget all about it and are best friends? Happens all the time. Or my kids didn't get along with some kids who were too physical, or bossy, and then a few months later all is forgotten and everyone is friends. You people need to chill and quit labelling young children as monsters when they are all still just figuring things out. Maybe OP and the kid aren't meant to be friends, or maybe they will work it out. It's kindergarten, after the summer it can all change.

+1 We’ll said. The pandemic and some kids being overly isolated has made some of the behaviors worse. Which is to be expected.

Do you make excuses for everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

I know plenty of six year olds and physically harming another child coupled with spreading rumors about them in order to socially isolate them is not run of the mill.

Are you the mom of the bully in question? And yes, it's textbook bullying. The PP who said not to call it that is FOS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to have to understand more here before I can decide that OP was right or whether OP is a drama queen herself. Not enough facts.

Then you are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

I know plenty of six year olds and physically harming another child coupled with spreading rumors about them in order to socially isolate them is not run of the mill.

Are you the mom of the bully in question? And yes, it's textbook bullying. The PP who said not to call it that is FOS.

+ 1-The PP was called out earlier for probably being a bully mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

You must be moms of toddlers. Do you know how many times my kids have come home crying about so-and-so excluding them and not playing with them and then the next week they forget all about it and are best friends? Happens all the time. Or my kids didn't get along with some kids who were too physical, or bossy, and then a few months later all is forgotten and everyone is friends. You people need to chill and quit labelling young children as monsters when they are all still just figuring things out. Maybe OP and the kid aren't meant to be friends, or maybe they will work it out. It's kindergarten, after the summer it can all change.

I think it’s weird the OP seems to think the very over the top sounding physical issues are equivalent to the pretty typical mean girl behavior of exclusion which does happen quite a lot. It’s not great but it’s definitely not on the same level as punching and leaving bruises. Regardless it’s ok to be sad but is this really a big change? Did the girls play together fine before this? It sounds like a big escalation and I guess it would make me curious and slightly worried about the other girl. And I say that as a parent of a DD who has had some behavioral issues we work with multiple professionals on.

The girl was always kind of mean but the physical stuff happened out of the blue last week. It makes me wonder how long this has been going on. Otherwise the usual girl stuff was par of course but I found nothing too alarming.

It just sounds like a huge escalation and not typical unless she’s been doing more minor hitting and pushing that you don’t know about. What does your daughter say about what happened? There’s no excuse for that kind of violence at all but I’d want some details about what if anything your daughter did that made this girl upset. Her mom isn’t doing her any favors pretending this is normal but I’d really want to know what happened in the one incident that is really atypical.