Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

That is very telling for the school separating them for rest of the semester.

It means the teacher couldn't handle the interaction of the friends. Even besties get separated. You use the out of school time to help them learn better skills so they aren't still getting separated from people every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

Schools separate for all kinds of reason including a mix of squabbling and joking together as is common in best friends. Unless you had evidence of issues at activities that could not be remedied by closer supervision you really overreacted. And don’t use the word bully. It’s like weirdos who say a kindergarten child assaulted theirs for grabbing a crayon.

I guess you just dismiss the physical issues. Way to go!

[Anonymous]

Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

You must not even have kids to be so clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

So she was never really a good friend, sounds like it was all about the kids being the same age and playing together. And it's not called "spreading rumors" its exclusion and is very common with girls in the early grades. My DD is in 2nd and deals with this all the time and has for years. The girls go back and forth with who they will play with and who they won't. This won't be the last time you experience it, it's very common in early elementary and probably beyond. Heck I remember experiencing it in grade school. Some things never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

That’s really bad. I can’t believe the teachers let this happen (the physical part especially since the emotional part is unfortunately harder to see/realize). How did you find out? Did you tell the girl’s mom? What did she do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

So she was never really a good friend, sounds like it was all about the kids being the same age and playing together. And it's not called "spreading rumors" its exclusion and is very common with girls in the early grades. My DD is in 2nd and deals with this all the time and has for years. The girls go back and forth with who they will play with and who they won't. This won't be the last time you experience it, it's very common in early elementary and probably beyond. Heck I remember experiencing it in grade school. Some things never change.

True, but the physical part is definitely not common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO you kind of overreacted. Kindergarten is very young, and ascribing words like "bullying" and "spreading rumors" seems kind of questionable. Schools sometimes apply concepts more appropriate for older kids to the little ones.

Taking a break on playdates and activities for a while makes sense. But eventually you could probably carefully let the kids have another playdate and see how it goes, assuming the other mom is willing to intervene for any bad behavior.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

So she was never really a good friend, sounds like it was all about the kids being the same age and playing together. And it's not called "spreading rumors" its exclusion and is very common with girls in the early grades. My DD is in 2nd and deals with this all the time and has for years. The girls go back and forth with who they will play with and who they won't. This won't be the last time you experience it, it's very common in early elementary and probably beyond. Heck I remember experiencing it in grade school. Some things never change.

True, but the physical part is definitely not common

Years ago, it used to be. During and after the pandemic, kids have really regressed in terms of bad behavior. I wouldn't judge as much now as I would have before 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

+1

You must be moms of toddlers. Do you know how many times my kids have come home crying about so-and-so excluding them and not playing with them and then the next week they forget all about it and are best friends? Happens all the time. Or my kids didn't get along with some kids who were too physical, or bossy, and then a few months later all is forgotten and everyone is friends. You people need to chill and quit labelling young children as monsters when they are all still just figuring things out. Maybe OP and the kid aren't meant to be friends, or maybe they will work it out. It's kindergarten, after the summer it can all change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?

You must be a mom of a bully.

You must not even have kids to be so clueless.

You are clueless. I have children and am a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

So she was never really a good friend, sounds like it was all about the kids being the same age and playing together. And it's not called "spreading rumors" its exclusion and is very common with girls in the early grades. My DD is in 2nd and deals with this all the time and has for years. The girls go back and forth with who they will play with and who they won't. This won't be the last time you experience it, it's very common in early elementary and probably beyond. Heck I remember experiencing it in grade school. Some things never change.

True, but the physical part is definitely not common

Years ago, it used to be. During and after the pandemic, kids have really regressed in terms of bad behavior. I wouldn't judge as much now as I would have before 2020.

Got it. Getting beat up post 2020 is okay.