Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I wrote her a text telling her her kid jabbed my kid in the eye, that maybe she needs some guidance, and that I still loved her and let’s get coffee in a few weeks.

She wrote back saying there’s always two sides of a story, that through her observations my kid was a crybaby, please don’t let my kid play with her kid, and that she has been so stressed.

So I guess it’s really over. Whatever.

If you're feeling like a trouble maker then ask her what precipitated the eye poking and mention that you'll need to discipline your kid if they did something wrong. It won't make the sitiation better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I wrote her a text telling her her kid jabbed my kid in the eye, that maybe she needs some guidance, and that I still loved her and let’s get coffee in a few weeks.

She wrote back saying there’s always two sides of a story, that through her observations my kid was a crybaby, please don’t let my kid play with her kid, and that she has been so stressed.

So I guess it’s really over. Whatever.

Sorry, OP.

I can't believe she called your kid a crybaby! Any kid who gets poked in the eye will cry. She is in serious denial about her kid.

[Anonymous]

Advice from older mom who has experience. Don’t burn any bridges. These young years are hard but children on both sides change and grow. The bully may mature, change, become a friend again. The labeled cry baby may mature, change become a friend again. I am speaking to the middle and not the outliers.

When our children are involved it is so hard to be objective and see what is really happening. You may be 💯 correct on your assessment and I am not disputing that. But, if this is your long- term neighborhood, school just know that these two may become friends again in late elementary, ms, or hs.

Stay polite, friendly but recognize that do not have to be mom pals like you were. Just be casual. It is way more awkward to have to see that person at a school or community event and not speak or try and avoid. ( again, none of this is for those where it has been egregious bullying or harassment.) This advice is for those that understand this is a long game.

I’d circle back with “ I get it, I don’t know both sides and clearLy The kids need a break from each ” I’ll miss our walks, park outings, etc. I hope you have a good summer and if it ever works for us to have a coffee without the kids would love it.

Then you are free, can hold your head up. You also know she does not like your child just now but it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I stayed friends with the mom when the kids stopped being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice from older mom who has experience. Don’t burn any bridges. These young years are hard but children on both sides change and grow. The bully may mature, change, become a friend again. The labeled cry baby may mature, change become a friend again. I am speaking to the middle and not the outliers.

When our children are involved it is so hard to be objective and see what is really happening. You may be 💯 correct on your assessment and I am not disputing that. But, if this is your long- term neighborhood, school just know that these two may become friends again in late elementary, ms, or hs.

Stay polite, friendly but recognize that do not have to be mom pals like you were. Just be casual. It is way more awkward to have to see that person at a school or community event and not speak or try and avoid. ( again, none of this is for those where it has been egregious bullying or harassment.) This advice is for those that understand this is a long game.

I’d circle back with “ I get it, I don’t know both sides and clearLy The kids need a break from each ” I’ll miss our walks, park outings, etc. I hope you have a good summer and if it ever works for us to have a coffee without the kids would love it.

Then you are free, can hold your head up. You also know she does not like your child just now but it’s ok.

She can hold her head up now. There isn’t any excuse under the sun for the other mom calling OP’s kid - who got poked in the eye - a crybaby. That’s nasty and not ok, and responding “hey I get it” makes it worse. I do agree with the broader point but I don’t think the mother’s response, nor the behavior (especially after unsolicited separation of the two by school) is a middle situation.

[Anonymous]

Too bad she’s so defensive. The best thing for your kid would have been to try and do play dates where you could observe and put firm boundaries on the other child’s behavior while helping your child to assert herself. Ultimately you don’t want your child to come out of these situations with a victim mentality, you want them to have the confidence to brush off bullies and change them into friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I wrote her a text telling her her kid jabbed my kid in the eye, that maybe she needs some guidance, and that I still loved her and let’s get coffee in a few weeks.

She wrote back saying there’s always two sides of a story, that through her observations my kid was a crybaby, please don’t let my kid play with her kid, and that she has been so stressed.

So I guess it’s really over. Whatever.

If you're feeling like a trouble maker then ask her what precipitated the eye poking and mention that you'll need to discipline your kid if they did something wrong. It won't make the sitiation better.

Just let it go. The other mom knows it's her child's fault because she sees his behavior every day but this time he got called on this incident. Consider your self lucky and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the physical stuff was getting punched in the chest and dragging across the floor leaving bruises. The “rumors” part was telling the other girls not to play with DD and making it seem to the teachers that DD was the one who instigated rudeness. Anyways even if I want to go for coffee with the mom, she placed high value on our kids playing together. She’s also very protective of her kid. Now they aren’t the friendship is naturally watered down.

Maybe in a few months the kids can play nicely again. Her child is going to have to learn kindness.

Something about the way you phrased this just rubs me the wrong way.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I wrote her a text telling her her kid jabbed my kid in the eye, that maybe she needs some guidance, and that I still loved her and let’s get coffee in a few weeks.

She wrote back saying there’s always two sides of a story, that through her observations my kid was a crybaby, please don’t let my kid play with her kid, and that she has been so stressed.

So I guess it’s really over. Whatever.

What was the purpose of your text?