Reply to Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?[/quote]

I am curious how a kindergartner isolates another kindergartner from teachers by spreading rumors.  :shock: [/quote]

Well the kid would go to the teachers and say that DD was rude. DD would try to deny it and the teachers would not believe her because DD was [b]very attached to this girl and was clingy before[/b].[/quote]

The facts come slowly from OP but a clearer picture is emerging as to what's really going on. [/quote]

A clingy friend does not warrant getting bashed up or talked about to other girls. [/quote]

But from the other girl's perspective she could feel smothered or that she wasn't allowed to have other friends. I know the people here desperately want to tar and feather a 6 year old kindergartens girl and call her a bully for the rest of her days, but perhaps, this was a complicated friendship. But the word "bully" seems to send some people into a tailspin and further discussion is not allowed.[/quote]

She is being a bully right now.  But she doesn't have to be a bully tomorrow.  She should neither be coddled and led to believe the behavior was in any way acceptable nor should she be branded a bully forever.  [/quote]

PP again.  Wanted to add that let's say OPs kid was being clingy.  Is the appropriate response to that to physically hurt her or be exclusionary in a way that involves the teacher and other kids?  Absolutely not.  Regardless of her motivation, her response was inappropriate bullying behavior.  You can't sugar coat that.  So regardless of the motivation, she needs to learn that this is not how you handle difficulties in a relationship.  Ever.

I really don't understand anyone who is trying to gloss over the behavior of a six year old who hurts another kid in these ways.  The fact that the teachers are aware of this to the point that they are separating the girls says a lot to me, none of it good.  The OP is not calling for further action.  She is just saying she is sad that this will change her relationship with the mom.[/quote]

But you see plenty of people bemoaning the fact that “subtle bullying” led their child to eventually snap and lash out (verbally or physically) and then the “actual bully” gets their kid in trouble. Who is to say that’s not what’s going on here? The other kid had been saying op’s daughter is mean-it seems more likely she experienced her as mean than a kindergarten kid was undertaking a sophisticated and unprovoked campaign against her. And teachers separate kids all the time-it definitely doesn’t mean one kid is bullying a little angel necessarily. [/quote]

Then both kids would be in the wrong, right?  And both would need some guidance on how to handle the situation more appropriately.  And the separation would still be appropriate.  And OP could still be sad about the change in the friendship.

So what is your point, exactly?  That internet strangers should not make snap judgements about the other six year old?  Noted.  But she might also just be a mean kid who victimized OP's kid, right?  Yup.

I appreciate that many of us have had victimized kids (and that is what it is!) and might read our own stuff into OP's scenario, but that doesn't mean that is what is happening with OP's kid.  I find it weird that on DCUM people frequently try to poke holes in the OP this way, frequently assume the OP is withholding something, frequently assume OP's kid deserved whatever they go.  It so often seems the PPs are just projecting their own experience, regardless of what OP's reality is.

In the end, even if what you are proposing were true of OP's kid, is it okay for the other kid to punch and exclude in the way she was?  No.  So the separation of the girls is appropriate either way. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics