Feeling sad about losing a mom friendship over bullying

[Anonymous]

I had a close family friend and our kids knew each other since they were babies. The families did everything together, including vacationing. Kids are now in kindergarten .Turns out that her kid was bullying my kid physically and also isolating her from other kids and teachers by spreading rumors. The school separated them and I also cut off all play dates and all activities they had together. I know I did the right thing for my kid but I am still mourning the six yr friendship - even though I hope adults can look pass this the reality is things aren’t the same. Any words of wisdom?

[Anonymous]

For kids that young it’s really better to say her kid was having some behavior issues/acting out rather than bullying. Of course you need to protect your child but calling it bullying in such a young child isn’t fair and you’re right the friendship is t likely to recover.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. I had to cut off my neighbor/friend for similar behavior by her DD that she refused to address. You will find other friends and your DD will know that you put her first. At the end of the day I could no longer be friends with someone who was fine letting their child bully mine, but it is hard to lose a close friends at a time in life when you aren’t as likely to just make a new friend quickly.

[Anonymous]

That's tough OP but you did the right thing for your kid. No words of wisdom but I'm sure you'll find new friendships and it will get easier. Maybe schedule in some activities with other kids/parents over the summer break.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

[Anonymous]

They’re in kindergarten you could have worked through it way to ruin a friendship

[Anonymous]

Pay attention to kid’s behavior.

The 1st grade who tried to steal from my house (I watched as the kid looked for me before pocketing a toy), was the same bratty 2nd grader that told teachers my kid was bullying when other way around, same 3rd grader who hit my kid, and same 4th grade kid who hurt my kid.

The kid is magnetic and can be super fun so my kid wants to play. But always gets hurt in this cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

That is very telling for the school separating them for rest of the semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

Schools separate for all kinds of reason including a mix of squabbling and joking together as is common in best friends. Unless you had evidence of issues at activities that could not be remedied by closer supervision you really overreacted. And don’t use the word bully. It’s like weirdos who say a kindergarten child assaulted theirs for grabbing a crayon.

[Anonymous]

IMO you kind of overreacted. Kindergarten is very young, and ascribing words like "bullying" and "spreading rumors" seems kind of questionable. Schools sometimes apply concepts more appropriate for older kids to the little ones.

Taking a break on playdates and activities for a while makes sense. But eventually you could probably carefully let the kids have another playdate and see how it goes, assuming the other mom is willing to intervene for any bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For kids that young it’s really better to say her kid was having some behavior issues/acting out rather than bullying. Of course you need to protect your child but calling it bullying in such a young child isn’t fair and you’re right the friendship is t likely to recover.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

Well taking a break means ending play dates. I mean it’s not some explosive break up or shouting match. It’s more of a our kids can’t play now. If the school felt the need to separate them for the rest of the semester, feels counterproductive to keep them in activities after school.

Ok take a break from the playdates. Why is the mom friendship over? Can you not see her without the kids? This is all very over the top and dramatic. For 6 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just take a break and keep the kids separate for awhile before blowing it all up? They are 6 and by nature and poor social skills. Kids don't get along one month and are best friends the next at this age.

This is not sound advice. Six is plenty old enough to know. Do not put your child with this other child to get re-victimized.

"Re-vitimized"? Good Lord, do you know any 6 year olds?