Angry at sister and BIL for getting pregnant again

[Anonymous]

OP, where are the other set of grandparents? Your BIL’s parents? Why can’t they step in if they’re around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are the other set of grandparents? Your BIL’s parents? Why can’t they step in if they’re around?

She addressed this. The BIL's parents are dead.

[Anonymous]

They sound like selfish morons. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are BIL's family - his parents and siblings? They need to step up.

I would encourage your mom not to help this time. She needs to take care of herself. DELAYING CHEMO? What is wrong with your sister and BIL?? Plus, she is probably immuno-compromised and being around little kids is dangerous - this could kill her!

I would call your sister and your BIL and demand they get their own childcare. If you can afford it, offer to help pay. If your mom & dad can afford it, have them pitch in.

Or tell them to start a Go-fund-me.

Outrageous.

NP. Not even reading page after page of this. The above post nails it. OP, you NEED to get involved if you want your mom to be OK. Your mom is not thinking straight and doesn't want to be "selfish," is my guess, so she's delaying chemo. Freaking chemo! Your BIL needs a hardcore "come to Jesus" talk, if you know what I mean. Agree with PP: Offer to help pay for some chlld care if you can. You will surely need to research options in their area and give BIL a list because he'll say he doesn't have time to look for child care. Man-babies do not do well in a crisis.

PP above is also right that your mom is likely to get ill on a trip like that and staying with young kids. People undergoing chemo are usualy immune compromised. PP is right: Your mom could die.

I'm so sorry your sister is weak and caves in to BIL and that BIL is such an a$$.

[Anonymous]

No. Ask him to get his family to help or get a nanny. Your offer for the girls to come stay with you is mire than generous. There is no need for putting your sick and aging parents's well being at risk, its not like they'll be able to help when parents need help. Be compassionate but realistic and honest.

[Anonymous]

I hope your sister and her child survive. I can't believe how foolish and reckless some people can be in the hope of having a "boy". It's third world stuff.

[Anonymous]

FMLA does not cover a sister. It covers kids and parents. Nothing else.

[Anonymous]

My cousin did this too- twice! Her pregnancies got progressively worse, by kid #2 she was on bedrest midway through the pregnancy and was going to stop at 2. Then she had #3 and vowed to stop then but went on for #4- her doctor said she was extremely lucky that she and the 4th baby survived. And this was during Covid to boot! My aunt had to quit her job to go stay with them during long stretches in pregnancies 2-4 and care for the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative like this and thankfully she did stop after her doc told her the same thing. She just complained about it a lot.

You can be angry but keep it to yourself. Other people's poor life choices aren't really your business.

Uh, it became her business when they decided to enlist the help of her ill mother which will impact the entire extended family. The BIL’s extreme selfishness and the sister’s enabling affects everyone. The BIL’s lack of concern for his own wife has unfortunately rubbed off on her as evidenced by her lack of concern over her ill mother. Not to mention they’re both being extremely selfish to their young daughters, who need their parents, all because daddy couldn’t be happy with the two healthy kids he has and insisted that he needed a boy. Also, what kind of message will this send to the girls? That dad doesn’t think they’re good enough. Selfish and despicable.

I see one or three things happening here:

1. If the DH gets his wish and the new baby is a boy, who ends up being healthy without any long-term complications, he’ll be the favorite child and will end up damaging the girls even more.

2. If the DH gets his wish and the new baby is a boy, but ends up having long-term health problems along with the OP’s sister who will have to go through a complex surgery after the birth, the DH will resent his wife, OP’s sister, not just because he didn’t get the healthy boy he envisioned but because he’ll have to step up and help, including being the parent he hasn’t been to the girls as the mom’s attention will be split between 3 kids rather than 2, even more so when the third kid will have health problems that will sucking up most of her attention. Worse if she suffers from health problems herself because of it.

3. The DH’s wish is not fulfilled and they have another girl, leading to his resentment because of it as well as further resentment should the baby have health problems.

Their selfishness is bad for everyone involved. No one wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are BIL's family - his parents and siblings? They need to step up.

I would encourage your mom not to help this time. She needs to take care of herself. DELAYING CHEMO? What is wrong with your sister and BIL?? Plus, she is probably immuno-compromised and being around little kids is dangerous - this could kill her!

I would call your sister and your BIL and demand they get their own childcare. If you can afford it, offer to help pay. If your mom & dad can afford it, have them pitch in.

Or tell them to start a Go-fund-me.

Outrageous.

This is absolutely terrible advice. This kind of enabling is exactly what will make them think their actions are okay. They’ll never stop because they’re never held responsible for their own actions. Their actions hurt everyone around them as it as, why be a party to that continuation? They’ll continue being selfish and it will continue to impact everyone more than it already does now. It’s not OP’s or her parents job to bail out the sister and BIL for their horrible decision-making and equally awful parenting choices. The nieces shouldn’t have to suffer, and it’s not fair that they are but ultimately it’s their parents who are responsible for them and OP offered to have them stay with her but the sister refused. The OP offered her a life raft and she refused it. That’s the epitome of greed and selfishness. At this rate, those kids are already suffering. There’s nothing OP can do to eliminate that entirely. She tried to reduce it but their parents refused so what can you do? Do not bend to what the parents (OP’s sister and her DH) want…it’s already all about what they want. It’s not in the best interest of their kids to continue to enable their parents who are already incapable of acting responsibly. Enabling them just means more future selfish and irresponsible parenting decisions that the girls will have to deal with the fallout of.

[Anonymous]

Writing seems so familiar - just like the one with the sister not allowing anyone to see her baby.

OP, your troll level sucks big time. Put more effort.

[Anonymous]

No one thinks an abortion is indicated here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one thinks an abortion is indicated here?

The sister is past 24 weeks and the baby is wanted. I am extremely pro choice and think the BIL and SIL sound insane, selfish and horrible but the abortion ship was never wanted and that train left the station anyway when they reached viability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are BIL's family - his parents and siblings? They need to step up.

I would encourage your mom not to help this time. She needs to take care of herself. DELAYING CHEMO? What is wrong with your sister and BIL?? Plus, she is probably immuno-compromised and being around little kids is dangerous - this could kill her!

I would call your sister and your BIL and demand they get their own childcare. If you can afford it, offer to help pay. If your mom & dad can afford it, have them pitch in.

Or tell them to start a Go-fund-me.

Outrageous.

This is absolutely terrible advice. This kind of enabling is exactly what will make them think their actions are okay. They’ll never stop because they’re never held responsible for their own actions. Their actions hurt everyone around them as it as, why be a party to that continuation? They’ll continue being selfish and it will continue to impact everyone more than it already does now. It’s not OP’s or her parents job to bail out the sister and BIL for their horrible decision-making and equally awful parenting choices. The nieces shouldn’t have to suffer, and it’s not fair that they are but ultimately it’s their parents who are responsible for them and OP offered to have them stay with her but the sister refused. The OP offered her a life raft and she refused it. That’s the epitome of greed and selfishness. At this rate, those kids are already suffering. There’s nothing OP can do to eliminate that entirely. She tried to reduce it but their parents refused so what can you do? Do not bend to what the parents (OP’s sister and her DH) want…it’s already all about what they want. It’s not in the best interest of their kids to continue to enable their parents who are already incapable of acting responsibly. Enabling them just means more future selfish and irresponsible parenting decisions that the girls will have to deal with the fallout of.

Normally I'd agree but the mom's health situation is a complicating factor here. If OP's mom is going to delay chemo to help out then she could potentially die. If I were OP I would be extremely resentful and angry but I would step up to ensure the mom was able to complete her own treatments and focus on her health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one thinks an abortion is indicated here?

The sister is past 24 weeks and the baby is wanted. I am extremely pro choice and think the BIL and SIL sound insane, selfish and horrible but the abortion ship was never wanted and that train left the station anyway when they reached viability.

A baby girl with “some issues” isn’t wanted. And abortion at 24 weeks isn’t illegal in VA when the mother’s health is at risk, which it is.