Angry at sister and BIL for getting pregnant again

[Anonymous]

Don't be racist PP!

OP I would contribute whatever you can ($ and/or time) to help your nieces and your mother. They are your priority, not your sister or your BIL.

I would be so angry but I would focus on helping nieces and your mom. I do like the idea of hiring a mother's helper to work while your mom supervises.

Could your mom's doctor find another location by your sisters house for chemo? This is so insane to think your mom can care for 2 young children while doing chemo ...

Your Dad must be furious!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am not going to tell my parents what they can or can’t do, but had a very direct conversation with both my parents and my sister today and told my sister she will be responsible for our mom’s death if she doesn’t find an alternate solution. I proposed to both that my parents go for a few weeks to try to help hire a nanny and get the kids used to that person. My mom’s doctor told her pausing chemo is not an option if she wants to be around much longer, and I think that’s what will get her to listen. She can get set up to do her chemo where my sister lives, but my mom is generally pretty debilitated for a few days after each infusion and recognizes that she can’t care for 3 and 6 year olds alone (my dad isn’t much help).

BIL’s parents are both deceased and he has a sibling across the country he is not close to.

To the poster who thinks I am angry at my mom and not my sister, no clue where you got that from but I completely understand my parents’ desire to help my sister as I know they would do for me if needed in a heartbeat.

I am just so angry they were selfish enough to put their kids through this and never once thought to plan ahead even though they were told it was guaranteed to happen.

OP is there any chance you can go and help your sister? Take FMLA leave and help hire the nanny? Your mom cannot handle this. She needs the chemo and clearly can't function well after it. Plus little kids are teeming with germs and could infect her with something like cold/flu/covid and then she's in trouble. I cannot imagine asking a 70 something year old with cancer during chemo to look after a 3 and 6 year old!!! That's insane.

Or your BIL can take FMLA and he finds the nanny!!! You mom needs to be completely out of this. Good luck.

This. Unfortunately OP you are the one caught in the middle and need to figure out the solution. It is too much to ask of your mom and I have this exact age range of kids. If they are in school they are bringing things home constantly this young.

I have a feeling you will do this OP because you seem like a good person and your BIL knows this & assumed this would be the end result. Focus on everyone but him until your sister/baby are home and recovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:those girls need a mom more than another sibling.

i had a very difficult delivery and almost died postpartum. did i want to have only one kid? no. but i knew my daughter needed her mom more than a sibling.

i'm sorry, op. your mom needs to tell them hard no. and let your bil take FMLA. it was all his idea. let him solve it.

This. Your parents should say no. If they had not stepped in last time, maybe norther in law would t have pushed for a third kid. Tell your parents they should stay in their town and focus on your moms health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am not going to tell my parents what they can or can’t do, but had a very direct conversation with both my parents and my sister today and told my sister she will be responsible for our mom’s death if she doesn’t find an alternate solution. I proposed to both that my parents go for a few weeks to try to help hire a nanny and get the kids used to that person. My mom’s doctor told her pausing chemo is not an option if she wants to be around much longer, and I think that’s what will get her to listen. She can get set up to do her chemo where my sister lives, but my mom is generally pretty debilitated for a few days after each infusion and recognizes that she can’t care for 3 and 6 year olds alone (my dad isn’t much help).

BIL’s parents are both deceased and he has a sibling across the country he is not close to.

To the poster who thinks I am angry at my mom and not my sister, no clue where you got that from but I completely understand my parents’ desire to help my sister as I know they would do for me if needed in a heartbeat.

I am just so angry they were selfish enough to put their kids through this and never once thought to plan ahead even though they were told it was guaranteed to happen.

OP is there any chance you can go and help your sister? Take FMLA leave and help hire the nanny? Your mom cannot handle this. She needs the chemo and clearly can't function well after it. Plus little kids are teeming with germs and could infect her with something like cold/flu/covid and then she's in trouble. I cannot imagine asking a 70 something year old with cancer during chemo to look after a 3 and 6 year old!!! That's insane.

Or your BIL can take FMLA and he finds the nanny!!! You mom needs to be completely out of this. Good luck.

This. Unfortunately OP you are the one caught in the middle and need to figure out the solution. It is too much to ask of your mom and I have this exact age range of kids. If they are in school they are bringing things home constantly this young.

I have a feeling you will do this OP because you seem like a good person and your BIL knows this & assumed this would be the end result. Focus on everyone but him until your sister/baby are home and recovered.

NO. OP does NOT have to be the woman who steps in and sacrifices her life because her brother in law sucks. He needs to step up and take care of his family.

the kids are in school, so he can work during school hours and put the kids in after care or get a babysitter. Then he can take care of them at night. Single parents do this all the time!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am not going to tell my parents what they can or can’t do, but had a very direct conversation with both my parents and my sister today and told my sister she will be responsible for our mom’s death if she doesn’t find an alternate solution. I proposed to both that my parents go for a few weeks to try to help hire a nanny and get the kids used to that person. My mom’s doctor told her pausing chemo is not an option if she wants to be around much longer, and I think that’s what will get her to listen. She can get set up to do her chemo where my sister lives, but my mom is generally pretty debilitated for a few days after each infusion and recognizes that she can’t care for 3 and 6 year olds alone (my dad isn’t much help).

BIL’s parents are both deceased and he has a sibling across the country he is not close to.

To the poster who thinks I am angry at my mom and not my sister, no clue where you got that from but I completely understand my parents’ desire to help my sister as I know they would do for me if needed in a heartbeat.

I am just so angry they were selfish enough to put their kids through this and never once thought to plan ahead even though they were told it was guaranteed to happen.

I don’t understand why your brother in law can’t hire a nanny!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am not going to tell my parents what they can or can’t do, but had a very direct conversation with both my parents and my sister today and told my sister she will be responsible for our mom’s death if she doesn’t find an alternate solution. I proposed to both that my parents go for a few weeks to try to help hire a nanny and get the kids used to that person. My mom’s doctor told her pausing chemo is not an option if she wants to be around much longer, and I think that’s what will get her to listen. She can get set up to do her chemo where my sister lives, but my mom is generally pretty debilitated for a few days after each infusion and recognizes that she can’t care for 3 and 6 year olds alone (my dad isn’t much help).

BIL’s parents are both deceased and he has a sibling across the country he is not close to.

To the poster who thinks I am angry at my mom and not my sister, no clue where you got that from but I completely understand my parents’ desire to help my sister as I know they would do for me if needed in a heartbeat.

I am just so angry they were selfish enough to put their kids through this and never once thought to plan ahead even though they were told it was guaranteed to happen.

I don’t understand why your brother in law can’t hire a nanny!!

He can. He won't.

[Anonymous]

It's good that your mom's doctor was so straightforward with her. But, I don't understand how the 3 year old is going to be properly supervised here. How is a medically fragile person going to keep up with her and keep her safe?

If your mom won't think of her own health, perhaps you could impress on her how unsafe what BIL is proposing in regards to the 3 year old's care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put my foot down with my mom. If she were healthy, that would be one thing, but she’s not, and a cancer patient undergoing chemo in her 70s is a completely inappropriate choice to provide ongoing, full time childcare to two young children. Your mom and dad need to prioritize their own health at this time. Your sister and BIL will just have to come up with a Plan B. If your parents are unavailable, maybe they’ll reconsider uprooting their daughters for the remainder of the school year.

I hope all of your relatives are healthy and happy at this time next year.

Oh good, lots more posters treating adults like babies today. This kind of thing always brings them out. Her mother is in her 70s, not a 2-year-old. She gets to make her own choices. OP needs to butt out.

Oh look! BiL is here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am not going to tell my parents what they can or can’t do, but had a very direct conversation with both my parents and my sister today and told my sister she will be responsible for our mom’s death if she doesn’t find an alternate solution. I proposed to both that my parents go for a few weeks to try to help hire a nanny and get the kids used to that person. My mom’s doctor told her pausing chemo is not an option if she wants to be around much longer, and I think that’s what will get her to listen. She can get set up to do her chemo where my sister lives, but my mom is generally pretty debilitated for a few days after each infusion and recognizes that she can’t care for 3 and 6 year olds alone (my dad isn’t much help).

BIL’s parents are both deceased and he has a sibling across the country he is not close to.

To the poster who thinks I am angry at my mom and not my sister, no clue where you got that from but I completely understand my parents’ desire to help my sister as I know they would do for me if needed in a heartbeat.

I am just so angry they were selfish enough to put their kids through this and never once thought to plan ahead even though they were told it was guaranteed to happen.

OP is there any chance you can go and help your sister? Take FMLA leave and help hire the nanny? Your mom cannot handle this. She needs the chemo and clearly can't function well after it. Plus little kids are teeming with germs and could infect her with something like cold/flu/covid and then she's in trouble. I cannot imagine asking a 70 something year old with cancer during chemo to look after a 3 and 6 year old!!! That's insane.

Or your BIL can take FMLA and he finds the nanny!!! You mom needs to be completely out of this. Good luck.

This. Unfortunately OP you are the one caught in the middle and need to figure out the solution. It is too much to ask of your mom and I have this exact age range of kids. If they are in school they are bringing things home constantly this young.

I have a feeling you will do this OP because you seem like a good person and your BIL knows this & assumed this would be the end result. Focus on everyone but him until your sister/baby are home and recovered.

NO. OP does NOT have to be the woman who steps in and sacrifices her life because her brother in law sucks. He needs to step up and take care of his family.

the kids are in school, so he can work during school hours and put the kids in after care or get a babysitter. Then he can take care of them at night. Single parents do this all the time!!!

You are right PP. But OP is saying BIL will not do this and is basically going to guilt OP's mom into doing it, which will likely end in her demise or her getting really sick or the littlest kid getting hurt. If I were OP, I would step in and take over for her mom, and I would be righteously pissed off about it, but I couldn't live with myself if something happened to my mom or nieces. After sister recovers (WE HOPE!!), then I'd read them the riot act and go scorched earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put my foot down with my mom. If she were healthy, that would be one thing, but she’s not, and a cancer patient undergoing chemo in her 70s is a completely inappropriate choice to provide ongoing, full time childcare to two young children. Your mom and dad need to prioritize their own health at this time. Your sister and BIL will just have to come up with a Plan B. If your parents are unavailable, maybe they’ll reconsider uprooting their daughters for the remainder of the school year.

I hope all of your relatives are healthy and happy at this time next year.

Oh good, lots more posters treating adults like babies today. This kind of thing always brings them out. Her mother is in her 70s, not a 2-year-old. She gets to make her own choices. OP needs to butt out.

Oh look! BiL is here!

I’m not PP but sorry this is dumb. It doesn’t matter how many of us agree the mom shouldn’t do this. OP is not in control of anyone but herself. This isn’t her problem and she should butt out.

[Anonymous]

This is on your sister and brother in law to figure out. They wanted the third kid, so this is their problem. DO NOT FIX THIS FOR THEM! And have a talk wiht your parents about keep your mom home and healthy. This is not their problem either. I'm so sorry you're in this situation--that the kids are in this situation. Your BIL created this problem and he needs to find the solution--one that doesn't involve you or your parents.

[Anonymous]

I hate to be this person but is OP the poster who likes to create hypothetical scenarios?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. Your BIL is an awful human for pressuring your sister. If he really wanted a bio-son so badly then they should have discussed IVF and a surrogate then get a nanny.

I would intervene on behalf of my parents. I'd be absolutely livid. I don't believe my relationship, particularly with BIL, would ever recover and I would certainly be having words with my sister over this. Your mom needs her chemo. Obviously they dgaf about your parents and their health.

I understand abusive relationships and have a little sympathy for the sister but this is a ridiculous situation that could have been easily avoided. Is BIL really okay with a son with significant health issues? I doubt it. What ego and vanity ><

[Anonymous]

OP your mom cannot help, even if chemo is relocated. When my mom was doing chemo she was told absolutely no contact with young kids. Can’t do that with a weakened immune system - these nieces could be bringing anything home. Your bil needs to figure this out

[Anonymous]

Well silver lining is she’s having a hysterectomy, so this is never happening again.