Angry at sister and BIL for getting pregnant again

[Anonymous]

Are you really angry at your sister?

Or are you angry at your mom who is willing to do this and deep down you feel if the situation was reversed she wouldn't do this to help you?

[Anonymous]

I’d put my foot down with my mom. If she were healthy, that would be one thing, but she’s not, and a cancer patient undergoing chemo in her 70s is a completely inappropriate choice to provide ongoing, full time childcare to two young children. Your mom and dad need to prioritize their own health at this time. Your sister and BIL will just have to come up with a Plan B. If your parents are unavailable, maybe they’ll reconsider uprooting their daughters for the remainder of the school year.

I hope all of your relatives are healthy and happy at this time next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative like this and thankfully she did stop after her doc told her the same thing. She just complained about it a lot.

You can be angry but keep it to yourself. Other people's poor life choices aren't really your business.

It is because it affects the health of her own parents. SMH.

[Anonymous]

those girls need a mom more than another sibling.

i had a very difficult delivery and almost died postpartum. did i want to have only one kid? no. but i knew my daughter needed her mom more than a sibling.

i'm sorry, op. your mom needs to tell them hard no. and let your bil take FMLA. it was all his idea. let him solve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative like this and thankfully she did stop after her doc told her the same thing. She just complained about it a lot.

You can be angry but keep it to yourself. Other people's poor life choices aren't really your business.

It is because it affects the health of her own parents. SMH.

Then she should direct her anger at her BIL. Tell him directly: "Your decision to pressure [sister] for a son has put her health and our parents' health at major risk and hurt your existing children. I strongly disagree with your actions and encourage you to think carefully about your choices here."

He will get angry and deny it, probably, but she will have said what she needs to say and feel relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he getting his boy?

Nope, another girl after all this.

Men and their f* obsession with sons. I'm sorry, OP. Just keep it to yourself, as your parents are probably already overwhelmed with everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d put my foot down with my mom. If she were healthy, that would be one thing, but she’s not, and a cancer patient undergoing chemo in her 70s is a completely inappropriate choice to provide ongoing, full time childcare to two young children. Your mom and dad need to prioritize their own health at this time. Your sister and BIL will just have to come up with a Plan B. If your parents are unavailable, maybe they’ll reconsider uprooting their daughters for the remainder of the school year.

I hope all of your relatives are healthy and happy at this time next year.

This. There are people in this world whose profession is taking care of young children. That they don't want to get a nanny isn't really an option now.

I would have a very frank conversation with my parents, and tell them I don't think they should do this, for all the reasons detailed above. I'd also have a conversation with my sister, telling her exactly hat I think of her efforts to pressure the parents to provide childcare.

At the end of the day, you can;t prevent this. But I woudl try to dissuade.

[Anonymous]

What an awful situation. I do wonder if your sister maybe wanted a third as well, but knew you would disapprove, so said it was all BIL's idea?

Regardless, it is what it is. How old are the other two kids? Could you BIL hire a nanny to help your parents, at least? Maybe your mom can be around to give the kids stability/continuity, but there can be someone else to lift up the toddler for diaper changes, chase the crazy 3yoat the park, or whatever.

Obviously it seems like an awful idea to pause chemo but I doubt you can talk your mom out of it when her child/grandchildren are in need.

[Anonymous]

Why can't his family help?

Your parents need to set some boundaries. They can help for X number of days and that's it. Why won't your parents set boundaries?

I'm angry with your sister and I don't even know you! They got pregnant knowing this would happen, did they not consider planning ahead? They are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sue this is seagull. I have no advice. I’m sorry.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I swear, some posters are idiots and not living in normal households with the whole MYOB bs. You bet your ass I would absolutely be livid and call out my family members if this happened in my family. They need to get a damn nanny for the kids and your mom needs to CONTINUE chemo, like wtf.

[Anonymous]

I would be mad at my sister in this situation, too. Can you go out for a couple weeks to be with the kids while your mom sorts out chemo? Obviously to look out for your mom's best interests, not BILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative like this and thankfully she did stop after her doc told her the same thing. She just complained about it a lot.

You can be angry but keep it to yourself. Other people's poor life choices aren't really your business.

This is OP - it is my business because now my mom is rushing to help which means having to take a break from her chemo until she can get it sorted out where my sister lives. And my dad will have to drive her back and forth for doctor’s appts and he is not 100% well either. So her poor choice is putting my parents at risk.

Are BIL's parents in the picture at all? Can they help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he getting his boy?

Nope, another girl after all this.

Men and their f* obsession with sons. I'm sorry, OP. Just keep it to yourself, as your parents are probably already overwhelmed with everything.

So sorry, OP! What a terrible situation for your family. I hope your sister and the baby turn out to be all right.

[Anonymous]

Your anger is legit. I'm so sorry. Nothing you can do to control your mom's choices. If you try you will be the bad guy.