Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to support the chugging along, that is fine, but what is your child majoring in? What are their plans for after graduation? What skills will they offer to a prospective employer? Sounds like they would be great for sales - good social skills etc, but sales in what? Being social is awesome, but they should at least begin to understand that at some point, they will need to stand on their own two feet, and college is the time to fully prepare for that.

*unless you are planning on supporting them indefinitely.

I work for a major pharmaceutical company and our campus recruiters screen out wannabe sales reps with less than a 3.3 GPA. We recruit many sorority, fraternity and student-athlete types from fun colleges but they still must have respectable grades and dress the part. 2.0-2.5 GPA is simply atrocious. How do you spin that? Also, the mere existence of a social life does not infer Type A boisterous social skills our recruiters are after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The threats of "ending the gravy train" ... "make him pay for things" ... and "the party is over after graduation, bud!" get you nowhere with kids like this. Unmotivated loafers have no future orientation and little impulse control. They simply do not give a $%!#, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And expecting someone like this to become a sales ace merely because they have a social life is comical. The best sales careers are hyper-competitive (read: personality PLUS great grades PLUS great internships PLUS great club involvement) with a deep, aggressive and sharp candidate pool.

Hey, that's some helpful advice there pal! Nice job telling someone their kid is a nonredeemable loser with no future!

OP, please ignore this anonyramus.

Well said. Yikes. Some angry judgmental people here. There’s more than just two kinds of kids, hard-working winners and lazy losers. My kid was the latter in high school. Took I think 11 or 12 APs, indicating ambition, but didn’t have anywhere near close to the work ethic to get more than a mix of A’s B’s and even a couple of C’s. It was hard to watch and I tried every motivational tool in the book. (Unicorn indeed - so true.) A good T25 LAC took a flyer on him - possibly wanting his 1520 - and so he went off with his crappy habits and proceeded to collect the same mediocre grades. I, like the OP, thought he would finally get it. Poor executive functioning in young men is a thing, and it does change. But no, not at first.

Fast forward two years and he is a much better student. He survived the crappy first few semesters at a high cost to his GPA (which will never completely recover) and finally began to string together some really good work. He’ll finish over 3.0 but not by a whole lot, but he’s in a demanding major (mathematical economics) and now in his senior year he’s getting some early recruiting nibbles. I’m sure some will eliminate him for the not so great GPA but that’s cool. He earned that.

Just wanted to offer a different perspective and hope for some who have kids with crappy habits and/or don’t seem to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can tell you what you should pay for but:

Cs get degrees. Just saying.

True. All he has to do is get that first job.

[Anonymous]

I went to college with a frat boy who reminds me of OP kid. Arrogant, lazy, hated school, dimwitted, was not an athlete but majored in something only football players seemed to pursue. He landed a great job after college.

His father was the owner a fast growing billion dollar company, all of his internships were there, that's where he landed after we graduated. Haven't looked him up, but I recall reading in WSJ dad ended up selling the company to a Fortune 100 for a mint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to college with a frat boy who reminds me of OP kid. Arrogant, lazy, hated school, dimwitted, was not an athlete but majored in something only football players seemed to pursue. He landed a great job after college.

His father was the owner a fast growing billion dollar company, all of his internships were there, that's where he landed after we graduated. Haven't looked him up, but I recall reading in WSJ dad ended up selling the company to a Fortune 100 for a mint.

You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

OP - you need to mention his major

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Be happy he's still chugging along. A lot of people would be dropping out. What do they call the person with the lowest gpa who graduates? A GRADUATE! Someone like him with lower ambition really needs that degree, so keep supporting him. And you know what? He may end up much happier than someone who is completely driven. Life is long; balance is good.

EXACTLY.
Do what you need to do for him to get that degree. Much easier to find stable employment with a degree.

I'm dealing with a teen who is intellectual and academic and has the drive to study... but whose inattentive ADHD is sabotaging him terribly right now.
We all have our problems!

[Anonymous]

Bush jr told Yale graduating seniors if they are C students (2.0 gpa), they too can be President.

[Anonymous]

What is he like?
Is he bright but not motivated?
Or is he more of a trades person, someone who prefers practical over theoretical?
Or is he artistic and a bit of a head in the clouds?
What does he say he wants to do to earn his living?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. The bottom quartile at large top 100 universities is not terribly impressive. He had mostly As, mid 20s ACT score, and we're full pay (which I honestly think helps). He knows peers who also were admitted into top 100 universities with both lower GPAs and slightly lower ACT scores.

Unless we were on top of him in high school, he would do bare minimum, cut corners, and weasel out of work and studying. He has not really changed.

Gee, don't ever tell your son how you really feel. Money doesn't buy happiness for either of you morons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to college with a frat boy who reminds me of OP kid. Arrogant, lazy, hated school, dimwitted, was not an athlete but majored in something only football players seemed to pursue. He landed a great job after college.

His father was the owner a fast growing billion dollar company, all of his internships were there, that's where he landed after we graduated. Haven't looked him up, but I recall reading in WSJ dad ended up selling the company to a Fortune 100 for a mint.

Thanks, douchebag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well said. Yikes. Some angry judgmental people here. There’s more than just two kinds of kids, hard-working winners and lazy losers. My kid was the latter in high school. Took I think 11 or 12 APs, indicating ambition, but didn’t have anywhere near close to the work ethic to get more than a mix of A’s B’s and even a couple of C’s. It was hard to watch and I tried every motivational tool in the book. (Unicorn indeed - so true.) A good T25 LAC took a flyer on him - possibly wanting his 1520 - and so he went off with his crappy habits and proceeded to collect the same mediocre grades. I, like the OP, thought he would finally get it. Poor executive functioning in young men is a thing, and it does change. But no, not at first.

Fast forward two years and he is a much better student. He survived the crappy first few semesters at a high cost to his GPA (which will never completely recover) and finally began to string together some really good work. He’ll finish over 3.0 but not by a whole lot, but he’s in a demanding major (mathematical economics) and now in his senior year he’s getting some early recruiting nibbles. I’m sure some will eliminate him for the not so great GPA but that’s cool. He earned that.

Just wanted to offer a different perspective and hope for some who have kids with crappy habits and/or don’t seem to care.

My grades in high school and college were EXACTLY the same by 0.02 points. This is probably very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can tell you what you should pay for but:

Cs get degrees. Just saying.

This

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to hear maybe a majority of parents saying "grades don't matter" for full time college students.

Don't you think there is a correlation between grades and learning? Between grades and being responsible/having a work ethic?

So sad that parents from this supposedly upper SES area are content to characterize college as "checking the BA box." It's all just transactional I guess.

I can see that this kid will have plenty of company when he gets out into the world (of mediocrity vs. conscientiousness). Just glad he won't be heading to medical school. Hopefully, he also won't manage anyone's 401K!

Did anyone say that? Maybe someone, but certainly not a majority. Grades matter, learning matters, motivation matters, all of that. But, if that's not happening for some reason, at least get the dang degree so the kid can get a job! We are saying that matters more than the other stuff. Many college kids are immature. They're still so young. I hope my kid has his shit together by the time he goes to college, but if he doesn't, I hope he at least gets a degree so he can find a job.

Please tell us the amazing careers a Big State University bachelor's in a non rigorous unmarketable field of study lands in 2020. Who exactly is eager to hire someone like the OP's kid?

1. Military--most of the successful military people I know are pretty social and it is less about GPA.
2. Teacher--again, huge need for male teachers, social ones have an edge
3. Jobs that don't require degree but a lot of people with degrees are working them: retail manager, hotel manager job etc
4. Insurance industry job--call center type jobs
5. Call center jobs--many prefer college degrees, GPA does not matter
6. Factory type jobs, they are still out there, many prefer college grad. These can actually be pretty good jobs but generally takes some
kind of inside contact to get them.

Many college grads are working jobs that really don't require college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bush jr told Yale graduating seniors if they are C students (2.0 gpa), they too can be President.

Yeah, if their fathers are presidents themselves!