Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?

[Anonymous]

We know a few young men like this and they seem to quietly drop out. It’s easy to pretend for a few years, but once they’re out of sync with their graduating class, they can’t pretend for long. Parents rarely admit it, so watch for omissions.

They’ll lack milestone internships e.g., on the Hill, California, NYC parents and kids boast about in person and on Facebook and LinkedIn. They don’t go study abroad. You’ll never hear well-defined career or grad school plans; parents will be vague and wishy-washy about how the child is doing. And you won’t see graduation ceremony photos on their Facebook four years after high school.

The young men quietly move back home and/or are working dead-end jobs that are beneath anyone with a BA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know a few young men like this and they seem to quietly drop out. It’s easy to pretend for a few years, but once they’re out of sync with their graduating class, they can’t pretend for long. Parents rarely admit it, so watch for omissions.

They’ll lack milestone internships e.g., on the Hill, California, NYC parents and kids boast about in person and on Facebook and LinkedIn. They don’t go study abroad. You’ll never hear well-defined career or grad school plans; parents will be vague and wishy-washy about how the child is doing. And you won’t see graduation ceremony photos on their Facebook four years after high school.

The young men quietly move back home and/or are working dead-end jobs that are beneath anyone with a BA.

This post seems unnecessarily mean. Isn't it OK if the parents of the "drop outs" keep quiet about the situation -- it's none of your business. Why should someone "watch for omissions." Maybe you can just let these people live their lives, rather than trying to be a busy-body who knows their every move. Have some compassion for some young person who is still finding his way, and his parents who are trying to protect his privacy as he figures things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know a few young men like this and they seem to quietly drop out. It’s easy to pretend for a few years, but once they’re out of sync with their graduating class, they can’t pretend for long. Parents rarely admit it, so watch for omissions.

They’ll lack milestone internships e.g., on the Hill, California, NYC parents and kids boast about in person and on Facebook and LinkedIn. They don’t go study abroad. You’ll never hear well-defined career or grad school plans; parents will be vague and wishy-washy about how the child is doing. And you won’t see graduation ceremony photos on their Facebook four years after high school.

The young men quietly move back home and/or are working dead-end jobs that are beneath anyone with a BA.

Healthy, normal people have better things to do than monitor FB & LinkedIn for other kids accomplishments or lack of. Clearly this PP is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

I graduate college with 2.7 GPA did not join clubs, do internships or anything academic related. I did go to parties and bars four nights a week, had girlfriends and had fun.

My parents did not pay. All I needed was 2.0 to Matriculate.

Guess what other than having a harder time landing job and having to do a low paid job first year out of school had no effect on life. Having degree is only important thing.

It took me to around 33 to stop partying and get married, have three kids, big house and big job. Boys mature later many not till 40

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to support the chugging along, that is fine, but what is your child majoring in? What are their plans for after graduation? What skills will they offer to a prospective employer? Sounds like they would be great for sales - good social skills etc, but sales in what? Being social is awesome, but they should at least begin to understand that at some point, they will need to stand on their own two feet, and college is the time to fully prepare for that.

*unless you are planning on supporting them indefinitely.

I work for a major pharmaceutical company and our campus recruiters screen out wannabe sales reps with less than a 3.3 GPA. We recruit many sorority, fraternity and student-athlete types from fun colleges but they still must have respectable grades and dress the part. 2.0-2.5 GPA is simply atrocious. How do you spin that? Also, the mere existence of a social life does not infer Type A boisterous social skills our recruiters are after.

Because I worked full time, did college full time and had a girlfriend and had friends. My 2.7 is more impressive than 3.5. I like to see you do 18 credits and work a 40 hour workweek

[Anonymous]

Make sure he is working 40 hours per week in the summer and have him get a part time job during the school year to fund the fun stuff.

[Anonymous]

I believe campus ROTC should be mandatory for all boys. Crack boys like this into shape and gets boys from all SES backgrounds together a few mornings a week.

A kid like this didn’t earn and doesn’t deserve a 4 year spring break trip paid by mom and dad. And expecting them to mature in such an environment is delusional.

[Anonymous]

Ooh gross- did the PP say ROTC should be mandatory for all boys?

That is awful and stereotypical and makes me cringe so much. No - not every kid or boy "needs" ROTC and/or should be subjected to military service against their will.

-mom of a very disciplined, hard working college student that would HATE ROTC and would not benefit from forced ROTC.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he will marry well OP, especially if he is good looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ooh gross- did the PP say ROTC should be mandatory for all boys?

That is awful and stereotypical and makes me cringe so much. No - not every kid or boy "needs" ROTC and/or should be subjected to military service against their will.

-mom of a very disciplined, hard working college student that would HATE ROTC and would not benefit from forced ROTC.

You don’t have to commit to service after college unless you are receiving a scholarship — I think summer after 3rd year is otherwise when you have to commit. Lazy teens going off to have a responsibility free spring break is totally ridiculous. It’s nearly impossible to fail out unless you literally stop attending class, so it’s not like grades demonstrate much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd focus on encouraging him to pursue work experiences, that's what will really matter once he has the degree.

What about a college that is more career focused. Northeastern ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have he tried therapy? It seems a shame that he is not excited about any field or learning. Obviously, he is getting much less out of your investment than he could. Plus, who will write him good references?

I hope you have not communicated that this bare minimum/check the box performance is adequate. I suspect you have not though. To some extent, we get the kid we get.

I would hold him to a higher standard (if he is going to school on my dime)...but your options for making this happen are entirely based upon the relationship you have set up in the past.

I am very blessed to have a kid who does care and try her best. I wish you all well, and am sure that you have tried many thing for many years.

Therapy???? Give me a friggin break. This kid is displaying lazy behavior. He needs to grow up. Be firm with him and dont give in to him.

[Anonymous]

OP, one word for you. COVID. You should be thrilled your DS is chugging along. There’s a lot to be said for that, especially right now. Another word for it is perseverance.

I think he’ll be all right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduate college with 2.7 GPA did not join clubs, do internships or anything academic related. I did go to parties and bars four nights a week, had girlfriends and had fun.

My parents did not pay. All I needed was 2.0 to Matriculate.

Guess what other than having a harder time landing job and having to do a low paid job first year out of school had no effect on life. Having degree is only important thing.

It took me to around 33 to stop partying and get married, have three kids, big house and big job. Boys mature later many not till 40

+1. DH and I met in college. One of his fraternity Bros was on the 8 year plan for his undergrad. DH joked that the guy had to graduate because there were no more courses he could take. He’s a mid-level executive now, 25 years later. A couple of other guys in his house felt kind of lost academically and enlisted in the Marine Corps, got their bachelors degrees while serving, retired after 20 and used their GI Bill for masters. Their are many ways to success in life.