Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?

[Anonymous]

Our son loves the social aspect of college but is disinterested in everything else about it. His GPA is in the 2.0-2.5 range at a top 100 university, he has no interest or curiosity about anything academic, no interest in college clubs, he's just chugging along. We thought it would click at a certain point, he'd get inspired by ambitious peers and develop drive, but he's pretty much the same slacker he was at age 13-17. Yes, warning signs were there, but I guess we hoped he'd grow more with the change of scenery.

Anyone else been through this? Should we just be content he's chugging along and keep our eye on getting him across the BA finish line?

[Anonymous]

What does he like, OP?

College grades only really matter if you are going to grad school. Otherwise, yes, he needs to just cross that finish line. Is there a line of work he likes that he could pursue while he's in school? Internships that sort of thing? Because his next stop is employment. Focus on that.

[Anonymous]

I think this is common for this generation. Life has been an endless treadmill of hovering, overprotective parents and preparation.

He probably sees college as something that is hoisted on him rather than feeling blessed that he is getting a good education paid for.

[Anonymous]

What other option do you have, OP? You can tell him you won't pay for school if his GPA isn't (whatever you consider acceptable). But even if that works to get his GPA up, it won't create the kind of motivation you want. At some point he'll have to figure out what he wants out of life. Do you want him to do that at his nice college, or in whatever situation he finds himself in if you refuse to pay for that college? What will any of those choices do to your relationship with him?

[Anonymous]

watching this thread because I just posted something similar in Tween about my daughter and I feel like this is where we are headed.

[Anonymous]

I'd focus on encouraging him to pursue work experiences, that's what will really matter once he has the degree.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Be happy he's still chugging along. A lot of people would be dropping out. What do they call the person with the lowest gpa who graduates? A GRADUATE! Someone like him with lower ambition really needs that degree, so keep supporting him. And you know what? He may end up much happier than someone who is completely driven. Life is long; balance is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is common for this generation. Life has been an endless treadmill of hovering, overprotective parents and preparation.

He probably sees college as something that is hoisted on him rather than feeling blessed that he is getting a good education paid for.

And what specific, useful advice do you offer to OP?

[Anonymous]

No one can tell you what you should pay for but:

Cs get degrees. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Why not lay down the gauntlet?

He needs X GPA next semester or he’s coming home and doing a semester at community college. Then he needs to have CC gpa of at least 3.5 before you will agree to pay for college again. He can keep trying at community college for a year. After that he needs a job and pays rent orgets kicked out.

[Anonymous]

Have he tried therapy? It seems a shame that he is not excited about any field or learning. Obviously, he is getting much less out of your investment than he could. Plus, who will write him good references?

I hope you have not communicated that this bare minimum/check the box performance is adequate. I suspect you have not though. To some extent, we get the kid we get.

I would hold him to a higher standard (if he is going to school on my dime)...but your options for making this happen are entirely based upon the relationship you have set up in the past.

I am very blessed to have a kid who does care and try her best. I wish you all well, and am sure that you have tried many thing for many years.

[Anonymous]

Yeah kick him out of college and then your home if he doesn't do what you want! That ALWAYS works out perfectly!

[Anonymous]

He needs to find something he is passionate about.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm just curious. How did he get in to a top 100 school if he was a slacker in high school? Was there a glimmer of interest in academics then? I agree with the posters. Let him enjoy this time of life. He will come out with a degree and get a job. Hell, he may actually get a job that, while it may not pay 6 figures, may allow for better work-life balance than the higher-pressure jobs. If he's happy and likes being at that school, that's great. Part time work opportunities (not just internships, even fast food) are a good way for him to get some balance with academics and also get a reality check on life. Doing that may inspire him to try a little harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to find something he is passionate about.

No, he doesn't. He needs to graduate and find a job that will pay his bills and at which he can be competent.