What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Plan a nice trip to somewhere warm, sunny and exoctic - late spring/early summer.

She's in a rut and needs something to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

Don’t think this is it. She’s 5’ tall and extra weight either goes to her boobs or her belly. She had this issue long before pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

Don’t think this is it. She’s 5’ tall and extra weight either goes to her boobs or her belly. She had this issue long before pregnancy

She probably needs to cut carbs. Maybe she could try Keto for awhile? It's actually a pretty flexible diet and you don't miss starches/sugars nearly as much as you would think. I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months on this diet along with some intermittent fasting. I've even cheated a bit on the weekends - nothing too drastic.

Go on the diet with her, that'll make it easier for her to stick with it. Her appetite will stabilize when her blood sugar levels stop going berzerk.

Her energy level will go up dramatically once she starts tapping her own stored energy. She will probably even want to hit the gym with you - just introduce exercise slowly. At this point, focus on increasing how many steps you take in a day. If she was taking 3000 steps a day last week, go for 4000 a day this week. Then up it until she is taking 8-10K steps every day.

I get steps in just going up and down all the aisles at Walmart and Target. Good luck to both of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

DR doesn't make you weigh more. It sort of makes you look pregnant but not a hundred pounds overweight.

[Anonymous]

Another approach you could take is to "train" for some sort of active adventure you could do together. Zip lining? Hiking in the mountains? Kayaking trip? Even walking tours or an amusement park would be more fun for her if she was less heavy. What does she like to do?

Making plans 6+ months out actually gives her time to work on an overall fitness goal. You could both take the opportunity to get into shape together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor...

I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week...

... you're man who *wants* to be 140 lbs?!

I sure has shit don't want to be the 220 lbs that I am now... I was always kind of "wirey' kind of guy. runner and golfer...

My DH is 5’8” and 140 lbs on him looks like 180 on a guy who is 6’2.” I think some of you don’t realize we’re not all married to tall guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

Don’t think this is it. She’s 5’ tall and extra weight either goes to her boobs or her belly. She had this issue long before pregnancy

She probably needs to cut carbs. Maybe she could try Keto for awhile? It's actually a pretty flexible diet and you don't miss starches/sugars nearly as much as you would think. I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months on this diet along with some intermittent fasting. I've even cheated a bit on the weekends - nothing too drastic.

Go on the diet with her, that'll make it easier for her to stick with it. Her appetite will stabilize when her blood sugar levels stop going berzerk.

Her energy level will go up dramatically once she starts tapping her own stored energy. She will probably even want to hit the gym with you - just introduce exercise slowly. At this point, focus on increasing how many steps you take in a day. If she was taking 3000 steps a day last week, go for 4000 a day this week. Then up it until she is taking 8-10K steps every day.

I get steps in just going up and down all the aisles at Walmart and Target. Good luck to both of you!

She knows all this but she can’t stop the binging/eating poorly. In other words, it’s all psychological

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another approach you could take is to "train" for some sort of active adventure you could do together. Zip lining? Hiking in the mountains? Kayaking trip? Even walking tours or an amusement park would be more fun for her if she was less heavy. What does she like to do?

Making plans 6+ months out actually gives her time to work on an overall fitness goal. You could both take the opportunity to get into shape together.

OP here. I’ve tried all of these over the years. I usually get some participation but it ends early because of some ailment and excuse for needing to sit or stop. There is just zero interest and effort in staying fit. Add this with cooking huge meals, eating out for lunch at work and then eating again before bed and the weight won’t stop increasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if you’ve gained more than like 15 pounds over the course of a relationship, it means you are a crappy partner who is incredibly selfish and lazy. Put down the cheese puffs, go jog a mile.

How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if you’ve gained more than like 15 pounds over the course of a relationship, it means you are a crappy partner who is incredibly selfish and lazy. Put down the cheese puffs, go jog a mile.

How long have you been married?

NP. 15 years, female, forget and agree with pp. Just make fitness a priority and it won't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.

I was just about to post about DR, mine is so bad my doctor said I need surgery to see the muscles back together and he gave me some referrals.

Don’t think this is it. She’s 5’ tall and extra weight either goes to her boobs or her belly. She had this issue long before pregnancy

She probably needs to cut carbs. Maybe she could try Keto for awhile? It's actually a pretty flexible diet and you don't miss starches/sugars nearly as much as you would think. I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months on this diet along with some intermittent fasting. I've even cheated a bit on the weekends - nothing too drastic.

Go on the diet with her, that'll make it easier for her to stick with it. Her appetite will stabilize when her blood sugar levels stop going berzerk.

Her energy level will go up dramatically once she starts tapping her own stored energy. She will probably even want to hit the gym with you - just introduce exercise slowly. At this point, focus on increasing how many steps you take in a day. If she was taking 3000 steps a day last week, go for 4000 a day this week. Then up it until she is taking 8-10K steps every day.

I get steps in just going up and down all the aisles at Walmart and Target. Good luck to both of you!

She knows all this but she can’t stop the binging/eating poorly. In other words, it’s all psychological

It's not all psychological. When your body chemistry is out of whack from too many carbs you have to eat carbs for energy because your body can't efficiently tap it's own fat stores. You literally feel nauseous if you don't eat something NOW.

She needs to break the cycle or her body will continue this unhealthy relationship with food until she develops diabetes or worse. She's not "getting it" because what she is feeling physically is very real. It's not all in her head. Add on the psychological component of shame/guilt/self hatred...that only compounds the problem.

Ask her if she'd like to be 50 pounds lighter. If she says "yes", tell her to look at some weight loss stories on youtube. I think Keto is great because it not only focuses on low carb but also on portion control/calorie deficit and will help her avoid disheartening weight loss stalls.

Maybe you can watch some of the videos and start cooking meals at home for her.

She doesn't yet "get" that this is a medical problem with her body now. The types of food she is eating are making her sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if you’ve gained more than like 15 pounds over the course of a relationship, it means you are a crappy partner who is incredibly selfish and lazy. Put down the cheese puffs, go jog a mile.

How long have you been married?

NP. 15 years, female, forget and agree with pp. Just make fitness a priority and it won't be a problem.

+1 female, married 19 years. Stop eating after dinner, people!

[Anonymous]

No carbs are not the answer. How do you explain cultures that have carb heavy diets and are still not obese? The problem is overeating, processed foods and not enough activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No carbs are not the answer. How do you explain cultures that have carb heavy diets and are still not obese? The problem is overeating, processed foods and not enough activity.

I eliminated non vegetable carbs 2 months ago and find myself forgetting to eat at times. I am simply not that hungry.

2 months ago I had allowed a few too many carbs to creep into my diet and it was an entirely different story.

My labwork looks fantastic, the scale is looking good....I must be doing something right - for me. If you look at youtube videos who have successfully lost significant weight you might actually learn something.