What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do what I could to support weight loss - shop healthy, cook healthy, ensure they get to the dr regularly, try to promote healthy activities. Lead by example.

+1

I would not say a word though.

[Anonymous]

I would have a lot of trouble with this. I'm a very active person who exercises daily and eats pretty well. I put daily effort into basically staying approximately the same weight I've been my entire adult life (despite one pregnancy and one thyroid issue). I'm not attracted to people who are more than a few pounds overweight, and I wouldn't be attracted to someone who had such a sedentary life or such bad habits that they gained 100 lbs. (20 over the course of 20 years seems more normal.)

If something were going on health-wise, I'd try to be understanding, though. Everything is not controllable. But I'd need for him to be interested in solving the problem, because as I said, I'm not really attracted to "heavy" and I don't want a sexless marriage or a marriage where I'm literally faking it every single time.

[Anonymous]

Are his/her older relatives fat? If they are, and you didn't see this coming, you are a fool.

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds bad and inattentive but Im not sure I would know. I once heard my wife talk about how she has gained 27 pounds since 2001 (the year we got married) and I remember thinking I had no idea. Even when I look at our wedding picture and look at her today she looks the same to me??? I would probably obviously notice 100 but who knows at what point and who knows what I could really do?

[Anonymous]

We would have had a talk long before 100 pounds. And I would expect the same from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a lot of trouble with this. I'm a very active person who exercises daily and eats pretty well. I put daily effort into basically staying approximately the same weight I've been my entire adult life (despite one pregnancy and one thyroid issue). I'm not attracted to people who are more than a few pounds overweight, and I wouldn't be attracted to someone who had such a sedentary life or such bad habits that they gained 100 lbs. (20 over the course of 20 years seems more normal.)

If something were going on health-wise, I'd try to be understanding, though. Everything is not controllable. But I'd need for him to be interested in solving the problem, because as I said, I'm not really attracted to "heavy" and I don't want a sexless marriage or a marriage where I'm literally faking it every single time.

Do you have young kids and work 55 hours a week out of the home? I've gained thirty pounds since I got married due to those factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds bad and inattentive but Im not sure I would know. I once heard my wife talk about how she has gained 27 pounds since 2001 (the year we got married) and I remember thinking I had no idea. Even when I look at our wedding picture and look at her today she looks the same to me??? I would probably obviously notice 100 but who knows at what point and who knows what I could really do?

This, men, is the right answer! You’re awesome.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this topic if impossible. Most of us are more attracted to physically fit people, and attraction/sex are important to a relationship. Obviously you love this person for who they are, but if you are not attracted to them, then what? So many posts on this forum are about not enough sex, but in situation likes this, what if one partner just can't "get it up" so to speak because of something like weight gain? Whose fault is that? Honestly, it just kind of sucks. And I've been the partner who was told I should lose a few pounds, which hurt and was awful, but I can see the other side of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a lot of trouble with this. I'm a very active person who exercises daily and eats pretty well. I put daily effort into basically staying approximately the same weight I've been my entire adult life (despite one pregnancy and one thyroid issue). I'm not attracted to people who are more than a few pounds overweight, and I wouldn't be attracted to someone who had such a sedentary life or such bad habits that they gained 100 lbs. (20 over the course of 20 years seems more normal.)

If something were going on health-wise, I'd try to be understanding, though. Everything is not controllable. But I'd need for him to be interested in solving the problem, because as I said, I'm not really attracted to "heavy" and I don't want a sexless marriage or a marriage where I'm literally faking it every single time.

Do you have young kids and work 55 hours a week out of the home? I've gained thirty pounds since I got married due to those factors.

I also have two kids and run my own company from home. I’ve had multiple joint surgeries and weigh 10 lbs more than I did after kids. I’m ok with that but I make sure I watch what I eat and if I can’t workkut make sure I walk someplace or break up activity during the day. It’s not that hard.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been together for two and a half decades, and I work hard to maintain my figure (5.' 9.75", 130 lbs), create a happy family life, and foster a healthy, adventurous sexual appetite (sex at least 4x/week). All of that did not matter, as DH had an affair that destroyed our marriage this year. A partner intent on straying can always find fault with you when they want to. If it's not your weight, it's your sex life, if it's not your sex life, it's that you have become uninteresting, always one thing or another. I advise people to love themselves as they are, improve or change because YOU want to, and find someone who will love you for you.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative who has gained this much weight, I assume due to some depression and that she comes from a very obese family that loves to overeat. I've been with her over the years when her husband will comment on how much food she's ordering or consuming or will ask her to go for a bike ride etc. Its become such a contentious situation, she now orders sweets and massive amounts of food to spite him. It makes no sense because she's only hurting herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds bad and inattentive but Im not sure I would know. I once heard my wife talk about how she has gained 27 pounds since 2001 (the year we got married) and I remember thinking I had no idea. Even when I look at our wedding picture and look at her today she looks the same to me??? I would probably obviously notice 100 but who knows at what point and who knows what I could really do?

This, men, is the right answer! You’re awesome.

The answer is to not be observant? Seriously though, the scenario was gaining 100 pounds, not 27. I think most could deal with a gain of 27 pounds.

[Anonymous]

100 lbs is a whole another person. And if you think about it, this is 100 lbs that you did not legally marry.

Another person that you are not legally married to would most probably add a whole lot of thrill to your marriage. I would focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully DW is in great shape and even if she gained some it wouldn't matter to me. I loved her body when it was pre DCs and after. She looks better today at 40 then when we married.
I did have a LTR with a girl that put on probably 100 pounds. I tried to get her to exercise with me but she wouldn't. She would eat like crazy. One time out to dinner she ate everything on her plate and what was left on mine, then ordered dessert.
Things didn't last long after that. I didn't enjoy sex with her shirt on

You sound incredibly shallow.

How is this being shallow? The girlfriend was clearly not concerned about her health and wellbeing. I think its important that my partner makes their health a priority, regardless of body size.

I might be shallow, but I finally kicked her out after I found a giant bag of weed in her car. She would smell like it and claim she wasn't smoking, so she was a liar too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully DW is in great shape and even if she gained some it wouldn't matter to me. I loved her body when it was pre DCs and after. She looks better today at 40 then when we married.
I did have a LTR with a girl that put on probably 100 pounds. I tried to get her to exercise with me but she wouldn't. She would eat like crazy. One time out to dinner she ate everything on her plate and what was left on mine, then ordered dessert.
Things didn't last long after that. I didn't enjoy sex with her shirt on

You sound incredibly shallow.

how is that shallow? MOST people are not attracted to a partner who gains 100lbs. he is just being honest.