What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

Your wife is a very lucky woman.

+100

*she lost the weight, which was gained during pregnancy. Completely different story than letting herself go or not working to lose the pregnancy weight. I gained 50+ lbs with each pregnancy and lost the weight. I know quite a few women who gained 30 lbs during pregnancy, got pregnant again without losing the weight first and ended up 50+ lbs heavier than prepregnancy. They say, "pregnancy changed my body". No, you simply gave up.

You were lucky that a doctor didn't stop you in the middle of your weight loss and prescribe a pill that would make losing weight practically impossible for you like mine did. I was within shooting distance of my prepregnancy weight when my doctor did that. Instead of LISTENING to me, she assumed that I just had no willpower. That made zero sense because up until her magic pill I had been successfully shedding the weight.

Believe me, before this happened to me I would see fat people at the mall and think unkind thoughts about them. Now I'm not so smug.

But you lost the weight! Your subsequent weight gain was due to medicine. The women I referred to used motherhood as an excuse to eat poorly. I hope your health is better now.

I've been doing low carb for a long time and I have lost some weight and controlled it for the most part. When I allow carbs to creep into my diet I gain weight easily. My body is dependent now on the medication that induced insulin resistance in me. It's not been something that I can get off of so easily. The good news is, I have been able to hold off developing diabetes (yay, me!). That is huge. The bad news is, I have not been able to ever get back down to my prepregnancy weight.

I discovered Keto recently and this diet has given me some real hope that I can get down closer to a "normal" weight through eating foods that promote weight loss in me AND exercising portion control by monitoring my macros. So far so good. Eff IR.

I’m a plant based diet guy but if a keto diet works for you, look into intermittent fasting.

I've actually started to incorporate some intermittent fasting. It actually feels very natural to me - I like it!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Remember: A sweet person who just needs to lose some fat, is still a sweet person. If they lose the fat, they will be a thin, sweet person - very attractive.

An azzhole, fat or thin, has no such quick fix.

Is your name pollyanna? No amount of sweet can make a fat person attractive. And I can't be attracted to somebody based upon their "potential" to be attractive... if he/she would only lose 50 pounds of ugly fat. Especially if you married that person when they actually WERE a thin/sweet person (like you said, very attractive) and expected them to actually care enough about you/themselves to not go changing in ugly ways.

My fat husband gets laid regularly and spectacularly. By me. Enthusiastically. Sucks to be you.

Different strokes for different folks. The thought of having sex with a fat person is not something I’m enthusiastic about because I’m not attracted to fat.

The thread is about weight GAINED during a marriage. Unless he was thin and sweet when you got married, I fail to see how your taste in fat guys is relevant to this discussion.

I’m the poster from the first page whose husband gained 100 pounds as part of a cascade of health issues. I am so damned glad I still have him at all. I don’t care what he weighs.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Remember: A sweet person who just needs to lose some fat, is still a sweet person. If they lose the fat, they will be a thin, sweet person - very attractive.

An azzhole, fat or thin, has no such quick fix.

Is your name pollyanna? No amount of sweet can make a fat person attractive. And I can't be attracted to somebody based upon their "potential" to be attractive... if he/she would only lose 50 pounds of ugly fat. Especially if you married that person when they actually WERE a thin/sweet person (like you said, very attractive) and expected them to actually care enough about you/themselves to not go changing in ugly ways.

My fat husband gets laid regularly and spectacularly. By me. Enthusiastically. Sucks to be you.

Different strokes for different folks. The thought of having sex with a fat person is not something I’m enthusiastic about because I’m not attracted to fat.

The thread is about weight GAINED during a marriage. Unless he was thin and sweet when you got married, I fail to see how your taste in fat guys is relevant to this discussion.

Because the thread asked about how you would feel if spouse gained 100lbs. My taste or lack thereof in fat guys means I would not be enthusiastic or excited to have sex with my spouse. I did not marry someone overweight or obese. If he becomes fat, I won’t be as attracted to him. Clearer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember: A sweet person who just needs to lose some fat, is still a sweet person. If they lose the fat, they will be a thin, sweet person - very attractive.

An azzhole, fat or thin, has no such quick fix.

Is your name pollyanna? No amount of sweet can make a fat person attractive. And I can't be attracted to somebody based upon their "potential" to be attractive... if he/she would only lose 50 pounds of ugly fat. Especially if you married that person when they actually WERE a thin/sweet person (like you said, very attractive) and expected them to actually care enough about you/themselves to not go changing in ugly ways.

My fat husband gets laid regularly and spectacularly. By me. Enthusiastically. Sucks to be you.

Different strokes for different folks. The thought of having sex with a fat person is not something I’m enthusiastic about because I’m not attracted to fat.

The thread is about weight GAINED during a marriage. Unless he was thin and sweet when you got married, I fail to see how your taste in fat guys is relevant to this discussion.

Because the thread asked about how you would feel if spouse gained 100lbs. My taste or lack thereof in fat guys means I would not be enthusiastic or excited to have sex with my spouse. I did not marry someone overweight or obese. If he becomes fat, I won’t be as attracted to him. Clearer?

Yeah, gotcha. Hopefully this will never, ever be an issue for either one of you because, quite frankly, I doubt that your marriage would survive it.

[Anonymous]

For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

I'm PP that lost 60 pounds while my SO has gained weight. Because I am smaller we are doing things we couldn't do before -- I was uncomfortable. The quality hasn't changed, but the quantity has decreased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

Did you have sex with your pregnant wife? That was different I'm sure but somehow you managed.

Same thing if you gain weight.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember: A sweet person who just needs to lose some fat, is still a sweet person. If they lose the fat, they will be a thin, sweet person - very attractive.

An azzhole, fat or thin, has no such quick fix.

Is your name pollyanna? No amount of sweet can make a fat person attractive. And I can't be attracted to somebody based upon their "potential" to be attractive... if he/she would only lose 50 pounds of ugly fat. Especially if you married that person when they actually WERE a thin/sweet person (like you said, very attractive) and expected them to actually care enough about you/themselves to not go changing in ugly ways.

My fat husband gets laid regularly and spectacularly. By me. Enthusiastically. Sucks to be you.

Different strokes for different folks. The thought of having sex with a fat person is not something I’m enthusiastic about because I’m not attracted to fat.

The thread is about weight GAINED during a marriage. Unless he was thin and sweet when you got married, I fail to see how your taste in fat guys is relevant to this discussion.

Because the thread asked about how you would feel if spouse gained 100lbs. My taste or lack thereof in fat guys means I would not be enthusiastic or excited to have sex with my spouse. I did not marry someone overweight or obese. If he becomes fat, I won’t be as attracted to him. Clearer?

Yeah, gotcha. Hopefully this will never, ever be an issue for either one of you because, quite frankly, I doubt that your marriage would survive it.

Interestingly enough, my spouse did gain about 50lbs a few years ago. And no he did not have a health issue beyond being sedentary and eating cheese-its. I have PCOS so I have to work really hard to be active and watch what I eat to control it (metformin makes me very sick so I don’t take it). I encouraged DH to take his health more seriously so he could be around for the kids and do it without being a type two diabetic like his dad. And he did lose the weight in his own time over the next year. He now walks 20,000 steps a day, rides the peloton once a week, and doesn’t eat as much junk. Were we having enthusiastic sex during this time? No. Did our marriage survive it? Yes. We’ve also survived years of infertility for both of our children, job losses, in-law drama, and the like over the last decade. You don’t have to leave someone or be cruel about things but you can be honest and work through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

We just...adapted. We tried other positions, some new things we discovered we both liked. Our libidos have also fluctuated in both of us over the years, and there have been many times one of us is more into sex than the other. But we have remained physically intimate regardless. My big dude is an ace cuddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

Did you have sex with your pregnant wife? That was different I'm sure but somehow you managed.

Same thing if you gain weight.

Why did you assume I was a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you that still have sex after a SO’s big weight gain, how did it change and how did you adapts?

I prefer very thin, but have had sex with chubby partners and the extra weight made for weird noises and some odd positioning i couldn’t get past.

Did you have sex with your pregnant wife? That was different I'm sure but somehow you managed.

Same thing if you gain weight.

Why did you assume I was a man?

The "very thin" comment. That sounded like words a man might use. Women tend to use words like "lean" to describe the body type of a man.

[Anonymous]

100lbs is extreme. This discussion would be more realistic if it were 50lbs which is much more common. Most people can only imagine their spouse gaining 100lbs. That's a lot would come with many health issues. Sex would be so far down the list of my concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember: A sweet person who just needs to lose some fat, is still a sweet person. If they lose the fat, they will be a thin, sweet person - very attractive.

An azzhole, fat or thin, has no such quick fix.

Is your name pollyanna? No amount of sweet can make a fat person attractive. And I can't be attracted to somebody based upon their "potential" to be attractive... if he/she would only lose 50 pounds of ugly fat. Especially if you married that person when they actually WERE a thin/sweet person (like you said, very attractive) and expected them to actually care enough about you/themselves to not go changing in ugly ways.

My fat husband gets laid regularly and spectacularly. By me. Enthusiastically. Sucks to be you.

Different strokes for different folks. The thought of having sex with a fat person is not something I’m enthusiastic about because I’m not attracted to fat.

The thread is about weight GAINED during a marriage. Unless he was thin and sweet when you got married, I fail to see how your taste in fat guys is relevant to this discussion.

Because the thread asked about how you would feel if spouse gained 100lbs. My taste or lack thereof in fat guys means I would not be enthusiastic or excited to have sex with my spouse. I did not marry someone overweight or obese. If he becomes fat, I won’t be as attracted to him. Clearer?

Yeah, gotcha. Hopefully this will never, ever be an issue for either one of you because, quite frankly, I doubt that your marriage would survive it.

Interestingly enough, my spouse did gain about 50lbs a few years ago. And no he did not have a health issue beyond being sedentary and eating cheese-its. I have PCOS so I have to work really hard to be active and watch what I eat to control it (metformin makes me very sick so I don’t take it). I encouraged DH to take his health more seriously so he could be around for the kids and do it without being a type two diabetic like his dad. And he did lose the weight in his own time over the next year. He now walks 20,000 steps a day, rides the peloton once a week, and doesn’t eat as much junk. Were we having enthusiastic sex during this time? No. Did our marriage survive it? Yes. We’ve also survived years of infertility for both of our children, job losses, in-law drama, and the like over the last decade. You don’t have to leave someone or be cruel about things but you can be honest and work through it.

He took off 50 pounds in under a year. Good for him. If you love someone you don't kick them to the curb over 50 lousy pounds. This stuff can be easily changed in a relatively short amount of time if people keep their heads together and resist making it an emotionally charged issue. He is still the same guy you fell in love with - both before and after his weight loss.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds bad and inattentive but Im not sure I would know. I once heard my wife talk about how she has gained 27 pounds since 2001 (the year we got married) and I remember thinking I had no idea. Even when I look at our wedding picture and look at her today she looks the same to me??? I would probably obviously notice 100 but who knows at what point and who knows what I could really do?

This, men, is the right answer! You’re awesome.

Can you explain why the guy replies draw comments as to how this should be answered but the women can say whatever they please about the men that gain weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds bad and inattentive but Im not sure I would know. I once heard my wife talk about how she has gained 27 pounds since 2001 (the year we got married) and I remember thinking I had no idea. Even when I look at our wedding picture and look at her today she looks the same to me??? I would probably obviously notice 100 but who knows at what point and who knows what I could really do?

This, men, is the right answer! You’re awesome.

What's so awesome about that? PP is talking about 27 pounds over 17 years. Of course he wouldn't know what to do about 100 pounds. He basically said nothing any you're giving him credit?