What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Mine has gained slowly over 10 years and then rapidly over the past two years. Just curious how others approach this? I know it’s a hard subject to discuss with the person who has gained? Do you still have sex or are still attracted to this person?

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. DH gained 100 lbs. He got upset and jealous that men hit on me and I finally blew up and told him he'd have less to worry about if he even pretended to care about being attractive to me. He took the feedback and lost the weight. When he was 100 lbs up, we did have sex but not as often as I need to feel satisfied and the quality was poor. Now that he is on track with his body everything is fine.

[Anonymous]

I would have been talking to DH at about 15 or 20lbs. We'd be figuring out what caused it, getting him whatever help he needs, etc. Same if it were me.

[Anonymous]

I would help him however I could. I believe he’d do the same for me.

[Anonymous]

Why did you wait until she'd gained 100lbs? Why didn't you say something when she gained 30 (30lbs over is obese). I would want my DH to say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you wait until she'd gained 100lbs? Why didn't you say something when she gained 30 (30lbs over is obese). I would want my DH to say something.

Why do you assume OP is a man?

[Anonymous]

DH didn’t gain 100 but he gained 80 pounds at one point. He lost it all and then some. He started exercising regularly with me and stopped eating so much.

[Anonymous]

I'd cook 'em up! Sounds like good eatin'!

[Anonymous]

I would've spoken to him long before he gained 100 lbs. I would do my best to help him lose the weight.

[Anonymous]

We've always been conscious of our weight gains and we are pretty good about encouraging each other without being abusive. After 35 years we both are carrying too much weight but it's not too bad and it does not hurt our love life.

[Anonymous]

I’d ease up on the pressure. It’s probably genetic. He/she may not be able to help 2/3 of that gain. The rest comes from the fact that we *objectify* people who are exercising. People feel very judged forgoing to a gym or running while fat. And it’s easy to accept that objectification.

Help him/her with goals that are about strength, flexibility, and endurance; rather than about the scale.

Help this person find time to *have fun* while exercising.

Give them leeway on the food budget. Support then in any therapy needs, because food issues can stem from deeper mental needs.

[Anonymous]

I gained 90 in my marriage, and it clearly bothered my husband. It was mostly because I was depressed at how shitty my marriage was. Once we divorced, I came out of my fog and lost it all with a lot of hard work.

[Anonymous]

My DH did. It was part of a domino cascade of other health stuff. I still love him, I still have (good) sex with him. I’m mostly just glad he’s still here.

[Anonymous]

My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

[Anonymous]

I did and I turned out to have autoimmune problems. I have to eat such n incredibly strict diet to even stay moderately overweight. My dh has been very supportive but now that we can almost never go out to eat he does get crabby. We talked about the weight gain and I did go to the doctor.