What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I believe that if you’ve gained more than like 15 pounds over the course of a relationship, it means you are a crappy partner who is incredibly selfish and lazy. Put down the cheese puffs, go jog a mile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine gained 10-15 lbs a year. I did everything I could to be supportive from adopting the same diet to going to aerobics if she asked. It only made her feel worse because I'd lose weight and she'd keep gaining. She'd binge eat at work. I tried to pretend it didn't bother me once I realized how bad she felt about herself. I told her she was beautiful, surprised her with gifts, and tried to make her feel desired, but it got to a point where I couldn't get aroused by her. In fact, her getting undressed would have the opposite effect. I always tried to put it on me and make up an excuse. I told her I thought I had ED, but she never bought it. We stopped having sex regularly around the fifth or sixth year. By then, she'd gained well over 100 pounds. I never stopped loving her. I just wasn't physically attracted to her. We divorced about five years later. We're still close.

The hit to the sex life is not acknowledged often enough. There's a lot you can't do with someone who has gained 100 pounds. Entire positions become impossible and many positions cause the obese person's belly to slap you repeatedly during sex, which is really a turn off. As men gain weight, penis size decreases noticeably because of blood flow issues. They also cannot get as hard or last very long at all. So this attraction stuff, it's not all mental. It's physiological.

[Anonymous]

Dh should be a size M or maybe an L. And he is an XxL these days. I don’t know weight because he won’t tell me. I would guess about 60 pounds overweight.

He has steadily gained weight for 20 eats despite countless diets and going to the gym. He is mostly healthy. At least around me. He just eats a little more. But he’s also in shape (as well as he can be being fat). He definitely has issues with eating and weight. It’s genetic I think. He also has issue with alcohol.

It’s not good. God, if there was one thing I could change about our marriage...

[Anonymous]

^^20 eat = 10 years

[Anonymous]

Men can gain weight, women can't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men can gain weight, women can't

Not according to women. Men gaining weight = penis stops functioning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men can gain weight, women can't

Not according to women. Men gaining weight = penis stops functioning

In the true world men make money and women look appealing.

[Anonymous]

https://www.themodernman.com/dating/do-women-judge-men-on-looks.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men can gain weight, women can't

Not according to women. Men gaining weight = penis stops functioning

In the true world men make money and women look appealing.

Sex is still a biological imperative. Women avoid unhealthy men.

[Anonymous]

Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor...

I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week...

You are a male who would like to be 140lbs????????

Skinny/small Asian? Some dudes are just the XS type

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Who gets up during the night to deal with the shiity sleeper toddler? Lack of sleep increases hormones that lead to overeating (and depression). Maybe you need to take over the night duty so your wife can get as much sleep as she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Who gets up during the night to deal with the shiity sleeper toddler? Lack of sleep increases hormones that lead to overeating (and depression). Maybe you need to take over the night duty so your wife can get as much sleep as she needs.

PP here - oddly enough, mostly me (DH) - I tend to our toddler 7x out of 10. There are many nights where I just pass out in his room and will be there all night. So, I am not buying that excuse

[Anonymous]

I find that's much easier to take off weight than it is to give a person a personality transplant, decent moral values and honest work ethic.

A person can drop 50 pounds in 6 months. I've seen them drop 100 in a year.

If your spouse started to diet today, they could be 50 pounds slimmer (maybe even more than that) by May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to start a new thread but I’m in the same boat. Is - early 40s and I am fit and exercise, eat healthy and my DW tries but does a horrible job of it. If I don’t cook, she eats like crap. We have a 2 YO at home that is a shitty sleeper. DW is a bit depressed and is about 20 pounds overweight and it’s all in her gut. She binge eats crappy food, doesn’t exercise despite my attempts to take her to the gym. Couple that wth having other marital issues, I have zero desire for sex with her. She scolded me the other day for never wanting to have sex with her (I initiate 100% anyhow). I didn’t say anything but I’m wondering if I should be brutally honest with her and real talk her or give her a soft landing?

Your wife could have diastasis recti (ab separation), which would make it look worse. I suspect this if it is all in her gut. It is very common after pregnancy. I had it with my second. Took me years to finally get it fixed with physical therapy plus weight loss. I finally look like my hot body self from before kids but it literally took me three years after the second kid. She should see a physical therapist to see if that is her problem.