What would you do if your DH or DW gained over 100 lbs during your marriage?
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Anonymous
wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor... I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week... |
Anonymous
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Here’s the great tale of what I did: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/730890.page
As a follow up, it’s been 5 months, and he’s gone to the gym a whole 6 times. He does now acknowledge he is fat when he tries on clothes that fit a year ago and he can’t get into now, so maybe progress is coming? |
Anonymous
| True health issue - stay with them and help them get back in shape. No true health issue - ultimatum and cut them loose if they don’t take care of the issue. |
Anonymous
MY DH gained about 50 pounds, I'm not sure of his exact weight these days, but it has made him completely lose interest in sex because he feels so unattractive. 
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Anonymous
| My DH gained over 100 lbs over the past 10 years as well. I try to support him, though sometimes I lash out. He's been on a few programs and is seeing a doctor now. Ultimately I suspect its depression. I know I am hard on him at times and hope that I'm not contributing to his depression but I'm sure I am. I still love him, but I am trying to find ways to support him. It's really an addiction tied to his emotions and stress - this much I know. So I try to encourage more than I critique. |
Anonymous
| I'm DW and I've struggled with severe weight gain and loss since I was in college (I'm 50 now). I've gained a LOT and at times lost a LOT. It's completely psychological for me - as I know how I should eat and exercise (as I have at times maintained a very healthy weight for a couple of years). I hate when I hear people bark things like just stop eating so much and get off your lazy ass - like the fat person wants to look and feel terrible about themselves. It's not REALLY that simple people. For many its part a deep rooted mental issue. You my as well view like they have a disease that is difficult to cure. Judge all you want, but no one would be fat if it was that simple. I'm currently about 30 lbs over weight and it's a daily struggle. |
Anonymous
| Both my DH and I gained about 20-30 lbs over the last decade and yes it definitely made me less attracted to him (and gross out at myself as well). I decided to lead by example, without saying anything to him. I lost 25 pounds and have kept it off. He noticed the difference when I had lost 10 and he was inspired to do same. So now we both lost 20+ and it completely revived sex life (and with neither of us hurting the other's feelings.) We are late 40s. |
Anonymous
| I would do what I could to support weight loss - shop healthy, cook healthy, ensure they get to the dr regularly, try to promote healthy activities. Lead by example. |
Anonymous
+1 we are the exact same way after 37 years. In bed we just keep the lights on low. We could both stand to lose 10 to 20 pounds but it gets tougher as you get older. |
Anonymous
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Thankfully DW is in great shape and even if she gained some it wouldn't matter to me. I loved her body when it was pre DCs and after. She looks better today at 40 then when we married.
I did have a LTR with a girl that put on probably 100 pounds. I tried to get her to exercise with me but she wouldn't. She would eat like crazy. One time out to dinner she ate everything on her plate and what was left on mine, then ordered dessert. Things didn't last long after that. I didn't enjoy sex with her shirt on |
Anonymous
You sound incredibly shallow. |
Anonymous
| I gained about 90 lbs pregnant. DH never said a word and we had an active sex life until DB was born and we were just too tired, picked up sex life again after about 6 months. Took me about 2 years after DC’s birth to get back to 115 lbs. it’s been 12 years and I gain 5 and lose 5 lbs but never have gone above 120 lbs. |
Anonymous
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If it were 30 or so, I'd probably think "oh cool, now I can give up too."
100 would have me very worried. Not sure what I'd do. |
Anonymous
How is this being shallow? The girlfriend was clearly not concerned about her health and wellbeing. I think its important that my partner makes their health a priority, regardless of body size. |
Anonymous
... you're man who *wants* to be 140 lbs?! 
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