Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight.

There was a picture of your DH ("uncle John)" with his nephew.

A relative comments "nephew sure loves his uncle John."

And you think this is rude? Unless I'm missing something, why on earth would this be rude??

I'm in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Y'all.

Y'all.

This delusional, bats#!t crazy OP made a SECOND thread about this!!

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/615431.page

It's official OP. All the issues you have w/ your in-laws, you've clearly created yourself because you are a psychotic drama queen. Why the hell did you need to create a SECOND thread about this?! You didn't. Nobody is going to say anything different to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, based on your other linked thread and this one, I think that you (and your DH) are still too immature to be married. Neither of you handle interpersonal relationships well.

You dated as teenagers, had high school drama caused by your then-BF's best friend. That needed to be aired and resolved between you, your DH, his best friend and family before you became engaged. You seemingly left this hanging over your young lives and got married, so you left drama in your lives. Since then, you canceled your wedding and eloped. I'm sure that didn't help your cause. While I understand that you had an issue with a family member dying just before your wedding, you should have tried to reschedule, at least a small family event. For a family anticipating a wedding, then having a family member dying and their family member eloping instead of holding even a belated wedding, it also didn't help to endear you to them. Finally, you seem to take offense at a lot and create drama. I understand that your SIL is abrasive, but your response and reactions are not particularly mature either.

Even at 25/26, you both seem to act very much like immature high school teens and I think you need to mature a little.

We did try to reschedule the wedding. Multiple times. None of DH's family would agree with us on a date. DH told them I never cheated and explained all of that. I'm not sitting here taking offense to trivial things. SIL actually makes sure I know she doesn't like me or think of me as family as she's actually said it. I asked her if she meant it later and she said she likes me just not when she feels I control her brother. I don't control my husband, hes a grown man. I thought things were ok between us so the comment hurt my feelings

I still think that you lack maturity, even based on your responses.

If the family cannot agree on a date then you reschedule the wedding for a date that works for most of his family, and you hold the wedding. Just eloping and giving up on a wedding because you can't get others to agree on a date is immature. If SIL makes a comment saying she doesn't like you or doesn't think of you as family, you respond directly to her, tell her to stop making comments about you not being part of the family, especially around your husband and your child. Also have your husband respond likewise to his sister. But being passive aggressive about this, including taking offense at a comment about how much your nephew loves his uncle, your husband and then unfriending your SIL is not a mature response. If she says she feels that you control your husband, explain that he's an adult and you don't control him. You and he discuss whatever is going on in your lives like adults and he makes his own decisions. Just because you give him your 2 cents before he makes his own choices is not controlling.

Yes, you should not just ignore her comments. Don't create drama by being angry or strident or even getting upset. Just respond strongly to her that her comments are inappropriate and unappreciated and she needs to stop making them in front of your husband and child.

SIL and her husband also eloped. We had the same justice of the peace that married them. I don't respond because I felt that it should be DH to handle his family.

I agree with the person who said that in 3 threads in 2 days, you have gotten many comments about how immature you are and that you are not reacting or responding in an appropriate manner. You continue to make excuses for immature behavior rather than trying to figure out how to grow up and react more maturely.

You need to find a mentor of some sort who can teach you more mature responses to the events and situations in your life. Right now, you continue to behave like a teenager and you should be learning to cope with life situations better. I would recommend you look for a mature family member who handles personal interactions well, or a clergy, an older more respectable friend, or even a professional to help you learn more mature responses to life situations or you will continue to live a life where everyday activities such as sharing photos, attending family events, or just routine interactions with your in-laws will create drama. That is clearly not healthy for you and you need to get a handle on it before you child gets too old, otherwise, your child will also have dysfunctional personal relationships because they learn them from you.

[Anonymous]

OP, your threads always make me get this Madonna earworm. "Borderline, feels like I'm going to lose my mind. . . . "

I don't know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, based on your other linked thread and this one, I think that you (and your DH) are still too immature to be married. Neither of you handle interpersonal relationships well.

You dated as teenagers, had high school drama caused by your then-BF's best friend. That needed to be aired and resolved between you, your DH, his best friend and family before you became engaged. You seemingly left this hanging over your young lives and got married, so you left drama in your lives. Since then, you canceled your wedding and eloped. I'm sure that didn't help your cause. While I understand that you had an issue with a family member dying just before your wedding, you should have tried to reschedule, at least a small family event. For a family anticipating a wedding, then having a family member dying and their family member eloping instead of holding even a belated wedding, it also didn't help to endear you to them. Finally, you seem to take offense at a lot and create drama. I understand that your SIL is abrasive, but your response and reactions are not particularly mature either.

Even at 25/26, you both seem to act very much like immature high school teens and I think you need to mature a little.

We did try to reschedule the wedding. Multiple times. None of DH's family would agree with us on a date. DH told them I never cheated and explained all of that. I'm not sitting here taking offense to trivial things. SIL actually makes sure I know she doesn't like me or think of me as family as she's actually said it. I asked her if she meant it later and she said she likes me just not when she feels I control her brother. I don't control my husband, hes a grown man. I thought things were ok between us so the comment hurt my feelings

I still think that you lack maturity, even based on your responses.

If the family cannot agree on a date then you reschedule the wedding for a date that works for most of his family, and you hold the wedding. Just eloping and giving up on a wedding because you can't get others to agree on a date is immature. If SIL makes a comment saying she doesn't like you or doesn't think of you as family, you respond directly to her, tell her to stop making comments about you not being part of the family, especially around your husband and your child. Also have your husband respond likewise to his sister. But being passive aggressive about this, including taking offense at a comment about how much your nephew loves his uncle, your husband and then unfriending your SIL is not a mature response. If she says she feels that you control your husband, explain that he's an adult and you don't control him. You and he discuss whatever is going on in your lives like adults and he makes his own decisions. Just because you give him your 2 cents before he makes his own choices is not controlling.

Yes, you should not just ignore her comments. Don't create drama by being angry or strident or even getting upset. Just respond strongly to her that her comments are inappropriate and unappreciated and she needs to stop making them in front of your husband and child.

SIL and her husband also eloped. We had the same justice of the peace that married them. I don't respond because I felt that it should be DH to handle his family.

I agree with the person who said that in 3 threads in 2 days, you have gotten many comments about how immature you are and that you are not reacting or responding in an appropriate manner. You continue to make excuses for immature behavior rather than trying to figure out how to grow up and react more maturely.

You need to find a mentor of some sort who can teach you more mature responses to the events and situations in your life. Right now, you continue to behave like a teenager and you should be learning to cope with life situations better. I would recommend you look for a mature family member who handles personal interactions well, or a clergy, an older more respectable friend, or even a professional to help you learn more mature responses to life situations or you will continue to live a life where everyday activities such as sharing photos, attending family events, or just routine interactions with your in-laws will create drama. That is clearly not healthy for you and you need to get a handle on it before you child gets too old, otherwise, your child will also have dysfunctional personal relationships because they learn them from you.

I'm already in therapy. Having DH handle his family is what my therapist suggested. He said if she said something on my Facebook that I needed to just delete her. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP thinks it's rude because SIL didn't say, "he sure loves his Uncle John AND Aunt Sensitivia."

Yes. SIL intentionally leaves me out. I'm NEVER included. I just deleted her.

You are the problem here. Talk to SIL in person about how you feel she excludes you if you feel it is truly an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, based on your other linked thread and this one, I think that you (and your DH) are still too immature to be married. Neither of you handle interpersonal relationships well.

You dated as teenagers, had high school drama caused by your then-BF's best friend. That needed to be aired and resolved between you, your DH, his best friend and family before you became engaged. You seemingly left this hanging over your young lives and got married, so you left drama in your lives. Since then, you canceled your wedding and eloped. I'm sure that didn't help your cause. While I understand that you had an issue with a family member dying just before your wedding, you should have tried to reschedule, at least a small family event. For a family anticipating a wedding, then having a family member dying and their family member eloping instead of holding even a belated wedding, it also didn't help to endear you to them. Finally, you seem to take offense at a lot and create drama. I understand that your SIL is abrasive, but your response and reactions are not particularly mature either.

Even at 25/26, you both seem to act very much like immature high school teens and I think you need to mature a little.

We did try to reschedule the wedding. Multiple times. None of DH's family would agree with us on a date. DH told them I never cheated and explained all of that. I'm not sitting here taking offense to trivial things. SIL actually makes sure I know she doesn't like me or think of me as family as she's actually said it. I asked her if she meant it later and she said she likes me just not when she feels I control her brother. I don't control my husband, hes a grown man. I thought things were ok between us so the comment hurt my feelings

I still think that you lack maturity, even based on your responses.

If the family cannot agree on a date then you reschedule the wedding for a date that works for most of his family, and you hold the wedding. Just eloping and giving up on a wedding because you can't get others to agree on a date is immature. If SIL makes a comment saying she doesn't like you or doesn't think of you as family, you respond directly to her, tell her to stop making comments about you not being part of the family, especially around your husband and your child. Also have your husband respond likewise to his sister. But being passive aggressive about this, including taking offense at a comment about how much your nephew loves his uncle, your husband and then unfriending your SIL is not a mature response. If she says she feels that you control your husband, explain that he's an adult and you don't control him. You and he discuss whatever is going on in your lives like adults and he makes his own decisions. Just because you give him your 2 cents before he makes his own choices is not controlling.

Yes, you should not just ignore her comments. Don't create drama by being angry or strident or even getting upset. Just respond strongly to her that her comments are inappropriate and unappreciated and she needs to stop making them in front of your husband and child.

SIL and her husband also eloped. We had the same justice of the peace that married them. I don't respond because I felt that it should be DH to handle his family.

I agree with the person who said that in 3 threads in 2 days, you have gotten many comments about how immature you are and that you are not reacting or responding in an appropriate manner. You continue to make excuses for immature behavior rather than trying to figure out how to grow up and react more maturely.

You need to find a mentor of some sort who can teach you more mature responses to the events and situations in your life. Right now, you continue to behave like a teenager and you should be learning to cope with life situations better. I would recommend you look for a mature family member who handles personal interactions well, or a clergy, an older more respectable friend, or even a professional to help you learn more mature responses to life situations or you will continue to live a life where everyday activities such as sharing photos, attending family events, or just routine interactions with your in-laws will create drama. That is clearly not healthy for you and you need to get a handle on it before you child gets too old, otherwise, your child will also have dysfunctional personal relationships because they learn them from you.

I'm already in therapy. Having DH handle his family is what my therapist suggested. He said if she said something on my Facebook that I needed to just delete her. Etc.

So why are you here? You paid him good money for good advice. Still craving attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a mentor of some sort who can teach you more mature responses to the events and situations in your life. Right now, you continue to behave like a teenager and you should be learning to cope with life situations better. I would recommend you look for a mature family member who handles personal interactions well, or a clergy, an older more respectable friend, or even a professional to help you learn more mature responses to life situations or you will continue to live a life where everyday activities such as sharing photos, attending family events, or just routine interactions with your in-laws will create drama. That is clearly not healthy for you and you need to get a handle on it before you child gets too old, otherwise, your child will also have dysfunctional personal relationships because they learn them from you.

I'm already in therapy. Having DH handle his family is what my therapist suggested. He said if she said something on my Facebook that I needed to just delete her. Etc.

Trimming down the thread.

The problem here is that you see something and you immediately react and often negatively. You need some perspective and quick snap judgments are not giving you that perspective. For example, your SIL makes a comment that is pretty innocuous. You read into it with seven years of history that it's a slight and immediately unfriend her. A more mature reaction? Sit on it for a few hours or a day before you react. Maybe you'll realize that she was just commenting on her son's attraction to his uncle without meaning a slight to you. Or you can just be the bigger person and ignore it. If after a day or so, you still feel strongly about it, then you can talk to her either on Facebook or in person and try to clear the issue up. If you still can't get passed the situation and the slight, then you can unfriend her.

But the big problem is that you seem to be quite tempermental, quick to judge and react and continually take actions that cause drama and create more family tension. You are in denial trying to blame the family issues on your in-laws without taking any responsibility for your immature and rash actions that contributed to the continued tensions with your family. Your responses in 3 threads show how trigger-happy you are in responding negatively to anything that you perceive to be slight and you take offense easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

SIL and her husband also eloped. We had the same justice of the peace that married them. I don't respond because I felt that it should be DH to handle his family.

I agree with the person who said that in 3 threads in 2 days, you have gotten many comments about how immature you are and that you are not reacting or responding in an appropriate manner. You continue to make excuses for immature behavior rather than trying to figure out how to grow up and react more maturely.

You need to find a mentor of some sort who can teach you more mature responses to the events and situations in your life. Right now, you continue to behave like a teenager and you should be learning to cope with life situations better. I would recommend you look for a mature family member who handles personal interactions well, or a clergy, an older more respectable friend, or even a professional to help you learn more mature responses to life situations or you will continue to live a life where everyday activities such as sharing photos, attending family events, or just routine interactions with your in-laws will create drama. That is clearly not healthy for you and you need to get a handle on it before you child gets too old, otherwise, your child will also have dysfunctional personal relationships because they learn them from you.

I'm already in therapy. Having DH handle his family is what my therapist suggested. He said if she said something on my Facebook that I needed to just delete her.[b] Etc.

Well I'm guessing this is how you go to today's situation. You got permission from your therapist to delete SIL if she said something. So you took offense to something that was clearly inoffensive and deleted her. That's not cool, op. You really, really, really need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you can get yourself to a place where a comment from you SIL on Facebook like that, might make you think "is she being nasty" but then you realize that it is so much easier and healthier for you to assume better of her than worse, even if you are wrong.

Immediately jumping to match passive aggressiveness on social media isn't a way to live your life, I promise if you continue to work with a therapist (hell, maybe a different one?) You will one day feel embarrassed by your need to make this a thing. It sounds like you have other family drama, why add this simple post your SIL made to the pile and continue to escalate things?

[Anonymous]

Some of you have issues. I have a long history with SIL. She passively aggressively excluded me in a comment. Instead of engaging, I deleted her. I texted her and we talked about it. She DID do it to be a biatch. Anyways, I got on here simply to vent about my SIL troubles. Some of you(most of you) took things to whole new level of psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you have issues. I have a long history with SIL. She passively aggressively excluded me in a comment. Instead of engaging, I deleted her. I texted her and we talked about it. She DID do it to be a biatch. Anyways, I got on here simply to vent about my SIL troubles. Some of you(most of you) took things to whole new level of psychotic.

Yes it's definitely everyone else who has issues, after you made 3 posts complaining about your SIL and came back a million times to tell everyone why they're wrong and you're right. The whole family sounds like a bunch of drama queen shit-stirrers, so you should fit right in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you have issues. I have a long history with SIL. She passively aggressively excluded me in a comment. Instead of engaging, I deleted her. I texted her and we talked about it. She DID do it to be a biatch. Anyways, I got on here simply to vent about my SIL troubles. Some of you(most of you) took things to whole new level of psychotic.

Yes it's definitely everyone else who has issues, after you made 3 posts complaining about your SIL and came back a million times to tell everyone why they're wrong and you're right. The whole family sounds like a bunch of drama queen shit-stirrers, so you should fit right in.

The first thread was about inlaws as a whole. Second post about SIL specific. Third was created because thread 2 was completely derailed and got completely ugly. Excuse me for thinking people could disagree while still acting like human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you have issues. I have a long history with SIL. She passively aggressively excluded me in a comment. Instead of engaging, I deleted her. I texted her and we talked about it. She DID do it to be a biatch. Anyways, I got on here simply to vent about my SIL troubles. Some of you(most of you) took things to whole new level of psychotic.

1) Your SIL makes a comment that you interpret as being rude
2) You unfriend your SIL, instead of engaging her.
3) Then you decide you actually do want to engage your SIL, so you then text her to confront her?

OP, why didn't you just call your SIL in the first place? Your SIL may very well be a bitch. But you are unquestionably guilty as well, clearly addicted to drama, and complicit in the unhealthy cycle.

I don't understand how you cannot see your own responsibility in this.

[Anonymous]

Let me just start fresh here. I'm struggling with my relationship with my in laws. DH and I are in marriage counseling due to his allowing his family to abuse me for years. I agreed to give my inlaws another chance as long as DH is the one that handles them. I get easily defensive when it comes to my inaws, which is why DH is supposed to handle them. I'm not psychotic or unhinged. I'm just greatly struggling to move past everything that has happened in the past.