Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

I'm polite in person. I smile. I treat them like they're my own family. I however don't engage anymore. I'm just here to vent.

[Anonymous]

Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about stop being passive aggressive and making assumptions, and communicate with her like an adult -- honestly.

Tell her "I deleted you because I felt your comment was an open dig against me, and deliberately excluding me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about stop being passive aggressive and making assumptions, and communicate with her like an adult -- honestly.

Tell her "I deleted you because I felt your comment was an open dig against me, and deliberately excluding me."

Honestly, I generally just don't respond to anything that could turn to drama. I tell DH to handle it. Maybe it's time to stop that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about stop being passive aggressive and making assumptions, and communicate with her like an adult -- honestly.

Tell her "I deleted you because I felt your comment was an open dig against me, and deliberately excluding me."

Honestly, I generally just don't respond to anything that could turn to drama. I tell DH to handle it. Maybe it's time to stop that?

Are you for real? You deleted your SIL, and you say you "I generally just don't respond?" -- of course you respond - you just did!

Seriously, you need to get some self awareness about your own culpability.

[Anonymous]

OP. You are presenting an example of a cognitive distortion. I suggest you treat yourself to a great book:
MIND OVER MOOD, Dennis Greenberger & Christine Padesky

In fact, this book is great for everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

There is a lot being left out of this thread. They've done a lot of truly abusive things and I made the mistake of allowing them back in. I don't trust or even like them and I'm having a hard time with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, based on your other linked thread and this one, I think that you (and your DH) are still too immature to be married. Neither of you handle interpersonal relationships well.

You dated as teenagers, had high school drama caused by your then-BF's best friend. That needed to be aired and resolved between you, your DH, his best friend and family before you became engaged. You seemingly left this hanging over your young lives and got married, so you left drama in your lives. Since then, you canceled your wedding and eloped. I'm sure that didn't help your cause. While I understand that you had an issue with a family member dying just before your wedding, you should have tried to reschedule, at least a small family event. For a family anticipating a wedding, then having a family member dying and their family member eloping instead of holding even a belated wedding, it also didn't help to endear you to them. Finally, you seem to take offense at a lot and create drama. I understand that your SIL is abrasive, but your response and reactions are not particularly mature either.

Even at 25/26, you both seem to act very much like immature high school teens and I think you need to mature a little.

We did try to reschedule the wedding. Multiple times. None of DH's family would agree with us on a date. DH told them I never cheated and explained all of that. I'm not sitting here taking offense to trivial things. SIL actually makes sure I know she doesn't like me or think of me as family as she's actually said it. I asked her if she meant it later and she said she likes me just not when she feels I control her brother. I don't control my husband, hes a grown man. I thought things were ok between us so the comment hurt my feelings

I still think that you lack maturity, even based on your responses.

If the family cannot agree on a date then you reschedule the wedding for a date that works for most of his family, and you hold the wedding. Just eloping and giving up on a wedding because you can't get others to agree on a date is immature. If SIL makes a comment saying she doesn't like you or doesn't think of you as family, you respond directly to her, tell her to stop making comments about you not being part of the family, especially around your husband and your child. Also have your husband respond likewise to his sister. But being passive aggressive about this, including taking offense at a comment about how much your nephew loves his uncle, your husband and then unfriending your SIL is not a mature response. If she says she feels that you control your husband, explain that he's an adult and you don't control him. You and he discuss whatever is going on in your lives like adults and he makes his own decisions. Just because you give him your 2 cents before he makes his own choices is not controlling.

Yes, you should not just ignore her comments. Don't create drama by being angry or strident or even getting upset. Just respond strongly to her that her comments are inappropriate and unappreciated and she needs to stop making them in front of your husband and child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, based on your other linked thread and this one, I think that you (and your DH) are still too immature to be married. Neither of you handle interpersonal relationships well.

You dated as teenagers, had high school drama caused by your then-BF's best friend. That needed to be aired and resolved between you, your DH, his best friend and family before you became engaged. You seemingly left this hanging over your young lives and got married, so you left drama in your lives. Since then, you canceled your wedding and eloped. I'm sure that didn't help your cause. While I understand that you had an issue with a family member dying just before your wedding, you should have tried to reschedule, at least a small family event. For a family anticipating a wedding, then having a family member dying and their family member eloping instead of holding even a belated wedding, it also didn't help to endear you to them. Finally, you seem to take offense at a lot and create drama. I understand that your SIL is abrasive, but your response and reactions are not particularly mature either.

Even at 25/26, you both seem to act very much like immature high school teens and I think you need to mature a little.

We did try to reschedule the wedding. Multiple times. None of DH's family would agree with us on a date. DH told them I never cheated and explained all of that. I'm not sitting here taking offense to trivial things. SIL actually makes sure I know she doesn't like me or think of me as family as she's actually said it. I asked her if she meant it later and she said she likes me just not when she feels I control her brother. I don't control my husband, hes a grown man. I thought things were ok between us so the comment hurt my feelings

I still think that you lack maturity, even based on your responses.

If the family cannot agree on a date then you reschedule the wedding for a date that works for most of his family, and you hold the wedding. Just eloping and giving up on a wedding because you can't get others to agree on a date is immature. If SIL makes a comment saying she doesn't like you or doesn't think of you as family, you respond directly to her, tell her to stop making comments about you not being part of the family, especially around your husband and your child. Also have your husband respond likewise to his sister. But being passive aggressive about this, including taking offense at a comment about how much your nephew loves his uncle, your husband and then unfriending your SIL is not a mature response. If she says she feels that you control your husband, explain that he's an adult and you don't control him. You and he discuss whatever is going on in your lives like adults and he makes his own decisions. Just because you give him your 2 cents before he makes his own choices is not controlling.

Yes, you should not just ignore her comments. Don't create drama by being angry or strident or even getting upset. Just respond strongly to her that her comments are inappropriate and unappreciated and she needs to stop making them in front of your husband and child.

SIL and her husband also eloped. We had the same justice of the peace that married them. I don't respond because I felt that it should be DH to handle his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

There is a lot being left out of this thread. They've done a lot of truly abusive things and I made the mistake of allowing them back in. I don't trust or even like them and I'm having a hard time with it.

It does not matter. You are the one choosing to continue the drama. You do it for the rush. You create drama in your life when you are bored. Grow up. Get therapy if you need help breaking your addiction to drama. If you were a healthy, self-actualized adult, it wouldn't matter. You wouldn't allow yourself to get sucked into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

There is a lot being left out of this thread. They've done a lot of truly abusive things and I made the mistake of allowing them back in. I don't trust or even like them and I'm having a hard time with it.

It does not matter. You are the one choosing to continue the drama. You do it for the rush. You create drama in your life when you are bored. Grow up. Get therapy if you need help breaking your addiction to drama. If you were a healthy, self-actualized adult, it wouldn't matter. You wouldn't allow yourself to get sucked into it.

All this because I deleted her off of Facebook?

[Anonymous]

All you do is throw out bullshit excuses for your own shitty behavior and attitude. You are delusional, at best, psychotic at worst. And you are absolutely a brat and your DH's family is not wrong for how they treat you. You literally have zero ability to accept your part in any of this. You need to sit down, shut up, and think about all the things you've done to make this overall situation worse. And yes, you deleting SIL on Facebook is you being a passive aggressive biatch. You act like a child, you incite drama, then have the audacity to act shocked when we call you out?! Stop the bullshit, OP. We can see right through you. And so can your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

There is a lot being left out of this thread. They've done a lot of truly abusive things and I made the mistake of allowing them back in. I don't trust or even like them and I'm having a hard time with it.

It does not matter. You are the one choosing to continue the drama. You do it for the rush. You create drama in your life when you are bored. Grow up. Get therapy if you need help breaking your addiction to drama. If you were a healthy, self-actualized adult, it wouldn't matter. You wouldn't allow yourself to get sucked into it.

All this because I deleted her off of Facebook?

You said "there is a lot being left out of this thread" and you have shared a TON of other ridiculous, petty arguments. Everyone is telling you the same thing - it's time to grow up and act like an adult. Stop engaging. Stop looking for ways to stir the pot. Learn to focus on the things that matter. And learn to interact in a healthy way with challenging family members. We all do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question. If SIL asks me why I deleted her, how should I handle that?

How about a reality check- You are not a 16 year old high school girl. You are a grown ass adult. Normal adults do not behave this way. Grow up and stop the social media drama shit. My kids grew out of that even before they left for college. You are embarrassing yourself.

That's not meant to be unkind. You need a good slap of reality to make you see how ridiculous this is.

There is a lot being left out of this thread. They've done a lot of truly abusive things and I made the mistake of allowing them back in. I don't trust or even like them and I'm having a hard time with it.

Get some therapy, this is not how you deal with things as an adult- 3 threads in 2 days where it is clear to everyone that you are definitely contributing to the problem and need some perspective. Serious, some self-awareness will go a long way here OP