snooping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Perhaps I am communicating with a friend about something embarrassing and confidential. The content, substance and mere existence of which is none of your business. Your snooping is a monumental violation. Monumental.

My friends and I have a rule, if I tell you something I assume you will tell your spouse. Maybe if you did tell your spouse everything it would stop you from doing embarrassing things.

Maybe it wasn't me who did anything. Maybe it was the friend.

And now you are telling the world that no secret is safe with you.

Good to know.

I am not such a crappy friend that I do things so horrible and embarrassing that I need to tell my friends but I expect them to keep the information from their spouse, somebody to bounce ideas off of and somebody they can confide in. I would never ask a friend to betray the trust of their spouse.

Sorry you don't have a spouse that you trust to keep a secret.

All my friends know that their secrets are safe with me and my H. If it is so embarrassing they can't have my H know they need some serious therapy.

Face it. You're a gossip, insecure, superficial and a crappy friend.

I don't think you know the meaning of gossip.

gossip: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

+1...in a hot friggin minute!

+2 I put up with this snooper crap in my first marriage, and then two girlfriends following that. Now I bail at the first whiff. I made this very clear to now DW before we got serious. Snoopers are insecure and easy to spot, and their buttons are easy to push to find out how respectful of privacy and independence (and that's really what this is about: your spouse|partner might be doing something you don't know about and aren't involved in).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

At least your honest. Kudos. And I bet a lot of people therefore choose not to have you as a confidante. You may be great. But the package deal doesn't work for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Perhaps I am communicating with a friend about something embarrassing and confidential. The content, substance and mere existence of which is none of your business. Your snooping is a monumental violation. Monumental.

My friends and I have a rule, if I tell you something I assume you will tell your spouse. Maybe if you did tell your spouse everything it would stop you from doing embarrassing things.

Maybe it wasn't me who did anything. Maybe it was the friend.

And now you are telling the world that no secret is safe with you.

Good to know.

I am not such a crappy friend that I do things so horrible and embarrassing that I need to tell my friends but I expect them to keep the information from their spouse, somebody to bounce ideas off of and somebody they can confide in. I would never ask a friend to betray the trust of their spouse.

Sorry you don't have a spouse that you trust to keep a secret.

All my friends know that their secrets are safe with me and my H. If it is so embarrassing they can't have my H know they need some serious therapy.

New poster here. I trust my DH. Honestly, he is very trustworthy. But I would not share things told to me in confidence with my spouse. Sometimes there are things you don't want to share. Medical. Emotional. Etc

I have told my best friend things I have explicitly asked her not to tell her spouse. Because her spouse can be judgemental, and when I need support, I need support. And if my friends tell me things I assume they are private .... and if I feel I might want to share with Dh I ask if that is OK. Sometimes they say yes .... sometimes no. I honor that.

I would be unlikely to continue confiding in a friend who shares everything with here spouse. Your H is not my good friend, he doesn't need to know everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

That is fine for your family, but not every family has that level of trust. I am an only surviving child so there is NO way I can afford to play that "don't tell me if you do not want DH to know" card with my parents. While I am an open book with DH with everything about me, my DH does not need to know everything about their health, especially if they want to keep it confidential. And guess what...my DH understand that and is fine about that. He would rather them tell me (and him not know) than for them not to say anything and I am blindsided. I look at it this way, it is not MY privacy that I am protecting - it is theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

This is way overboard. Being open with your phone, computer with each other is one thing. Betraying a good friend's confidence is another matter. If I tell a friend something, specifically asking them NOT to tell anyone or their husband I would expect that. It's nothing to do with their marriage nor her husband's business. You are clearly confused about boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

That is fine for your family, but not every family has that level of trust. I am an only surviving child so there is NO way I can afford to play that "don't tell me if you do not want DH to know" card with my parents. While I am an open book with DH with everything about me, my DH does not need to know everything about their health, especially if they want to keep it confidential. And guess what...my DH understand that and is fine about that. He would rather them tell me (and him not know) than for them not to say anything and I am blindsided. I look at it this way, it is not MY privacy that I am protecting - it is theirs.

Exactly. I learned the hard way, confided in a friend who went and told her husband though I told her to not tell him or anyone for that matter. She became a ex friend after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem.

+1. Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me).

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre.

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey! My spouse could really provide awesome input! Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it.

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

Well, there you go. News, weather and sports. That seems to be the parameter of what people want to talk to you about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

What are you keeping "private"?

Perhaps I am communicating with a friend about something embarrassing and confidential. The content, substance and mere existence of which is none of your business. Your snooping is a monumental violation. Monumental.

My friends and I have a rule, if I tell you something I assume you will tell your spouse. Maybe if you did tell your spouse everything it would stop you from doing embarrassing things.

Maybe it wasn't me who did anything. Maybe it was the friend.

And now you are telling the world that no secret is safe with you.

Good to know.

I am not such a crappy friend that I do things so horrible and embarrassing that I need to tell my friends but I expect them to keep the information from their spouse, somebody to bounce ideas off of and somebody they can confide in. I would never ask a friend to betray the trust of their spouse.

Sorry you don't have a spouse that you trust to keep a secret.

All my friends know that their secrets are safe with me and my H. If it is so embarrassing they can't have my H know they need some serious therapy.

New poster here. I trust my DH. Honestly, he is very trustworthy. But I would not share things told to me in confidence with my spouse. Sometimes there are things you don't want to share. Medical. Emotional. Etc

I have told my best friend things I have explicitly asked her not to tell her spouse. Because her spouse can be judgemental, and when I need support, I need support. And if my friends tell me things I assume they are private .... and if I feel I might want to share with Dh I ask if that is OK. Sometimes they say yes .... sometimes no. I honor that.

I would be unlikely to continue confiding in a friend who shares everything with here spouse. Your H is not my good friend, he doesn't need to know everything.

I agree, why you have to really know someone before confiding in them. I dumped a friend who told her husband personal things I had shared with her. I learned everything that went into her ear went right into his afterwards. Horrible woman. She ended up divorced because she did the same with her husband and posted stuff about his grown kids on her FB. Karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

+1...in a hot friggin minute!

+2 I put up with this snooper crap in my first marriage, and then two girlfriends following that. Now I bail at the first whiff. I made this very clear to now DW before we got serious. Snoopers are insecure and easy to spot, and their buttons are easy to push to find out how respectful of privacy and independence (and that's really what this is about: your spouse|partner might be doing something you don't know about and aren't involved in).

I suspect Wife #1 got your number right, so did the two girlfriends. DW will also get tired of your bs down the road. There's privacy and then there's someone that is secretive. We never make the other feel like they can't look at each's phone, computer, etc. Mine crashed so I was welcomed to use his.

If I was involved with someone that hid everything you can bet I would check on them. We're not talking about bathroom privacy, but basic openness.

If your spouse wasn't allowed to use your phone computer, look at your FB etc.. then you're the one with the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

+1...in a hot friggin minute!

+2 I put up with this snooper crap in my first marriage, and then two girlfriends following that. Now I bail at the first whiff. I made this very clear to now DW before we got serious. Snoopers are insecure and easy to spot, and their buttons are easy to push to find out how respectful of privacy and independence (and that's really what this is about: your spouse|partner might be doing something you don't know about and aren't involved in).

I suspect Wife #1 got your number right, so did the two girlfriends. DW will also get tired of your bs down the road. There's privacy and then there's someone that is secretive. We never make the other feel like they can't look at each's phone, computer, etc. Mine crashed so I was welcomed to use his.

If I was involved with someone that hid everything you can bet I would check on them. We're not talking about bathroom privacy, but basic openness.

If your spouse wasn't allowed to use your phone computer, look at your FB etc.. then you're the one with the problem.

What if your spouse said ok but this is off limits. Or, how do you deal with the following situation.

DW's mother wrote to me to talk to me about DW decompensating. She has a mental health issue that creeps back. I need to be very careful in addressing this with DW. Mom will email or text. Sometimes it's much ado about nothing. Sometimes something. But nonetheless, I need to keep this from DW until a decision is made. If she has unfettered access, it could be a real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.

+1...in a hot friggin minute!

+2 I put up with this snooper crap in my first marriage, and then two girlfriends following that. Now I bail at the first whiff. I made this very clear to now DW before we got serious. Snoopers are insecure and easy to spot, and their buttons are easy to push to find out how respectful of privacy and independence (and that's really what this is about: your spouse|partner might be doing something you don't know about and aren't involved in).

I suspect Wife #1 got your number right, so did the two girlfriends. DW will also get tired of your bs down the road. There's privacy and then there's someone that is secretive. We never make the other feel like they can't look at each's phone, computer, etc. Mine crashed so I was welcomed to use his.

If I was involved with someone that hid everything you can bet I would check on them. We're not talking about bathroom privacy, but basic openness.

If your spouse wasn't allowed to use your phone computer, look at your FB etc.. then you're the one with the problem.

No, I quit dating insecure women. With all of these women, everything was completely open and available. I didn't hide anything...but still, they had to sneak looks. Sneaky, suspicious minds...both of those GFs were carrying on inappropriate relationships the entire time behind my back, and accusing me of being sneaky.

I quit dating insecure women - it became an early test, a complete deal breaker and instant dumping offense. As a consequence I am married to someone who doesn't open my statements or pick up my phone or go on my computer, although none of it is locked or blocked in any way.

Like all paranoid people - like those two GFs - you engage in a lot of psychological projection. You are easy to spot a mile off.