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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is a good explanation about why "snooping" is good for a marriage and blind trust is bad.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_snoop.html

[/quote]

To each their own, but if my spouse said I wasn't entitled to privacy because I was now married, I would end my marriage.[/quote]

What are you keeping "private"?[/quote]

Or communications with a therapist. Maybe I am worried about you. Maybe I think you need help and I am talking to your mom and sister.

Or maybe it's work related. I'm a lawyer and I sometimes get texts and emails. That's none of your business and your snooping could have serious consequences to others.

You are controlling and insecure. If you couldn't pick a partner you could trust, that's your problem. [/quote]

+1.  Or maybe I was communicating with my parents about a health issue that they did not want divulged (that was a true example for me). [/quote]

Why didn't they want your husband/wife to know? Couldn't he be helpful with doctors appointment, maybe he has a friend that is a specialist in that area,... my H would be very helpful in this area so no.. it would not be a secret that my parents have health related issues.

Though part of my family is Asian and everything must be kept a secret from their childre, they have no clue grandma has leukemia event though one of them walked in "light the night" for her. Bizarre. [/quote]

Why they (the owners of the information) what it kept private is irrelevant. If they want it kept secret, respect their wishes. Or be forthright and tell them upfront that you cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Period.

If your spouse might have information, ask. Say "Hey!  My spouse could really provide awesome input!  Do you mind if I run it past them?"

If the answers "no" then deal with it. It isn't your story. You are being trusted to secure a person's vulnerability. It's not your place to choose what to do with it. [/quote]

I would absolutely say "do not tell me anything you expect me to hide from my spouse". If they don't want my spouse to know they should not tell me. They should respect my decision not to keep secrets in my marriage. It is absolutely nobody's else's choice on how I conduct my relationship with my H. Nobody is more important than my H.

If they want me as a confidant my H and I are a package deal. Nobody, nobody has ever ask me to keep information from my H and I am very much the person everybody turns to when they have a family crisis.

They also know I will not share it with anybody else, and my H won't share it.

[/quote]

That is fine for your family, but not every family has that level of trust. I am an only surviving child so there is NO way I can afford to play that "don't tell me if you do not want DH to know" card with my parents.  While I am an open book with DH with everything about me, my DH does not need to know everything about their health, especially if they want to keep it confidential.  And guess what...my DH understand that and is fine about that.  He would rather them tell me (and him not know) than for them not to say anything and I am blindsided.  I look at it this way, it is not MY privacy that I am protecting - it is theirs. [/quote]

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