snooping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is mine is his and what is his is mine so there is nothing in our life I can't see/he can't see.

Those with nothing to hide hide nothing.

+1

[Anonymous]

This is how cheaters control their victims. Better not touch my phone, read my text messages, see where I go before or after work.

Cheaters all have the same MO - they are not a open book. If you are with someone like this, CHECK UP ON THEM.

[Anonymous]

It is funny because some people are here are automatically equating snooping with the other person having something to hide.

As PP said, some people snoop because they are nosy. My DW checks my phone, checks my email and opens my mail. But get this, I have never cheated and I openly have given her access to everything she wants to see. She is just nosy. So if you asked her, she would say she snoops. But if you asked her if she thought I had anything to hide, she would say no.

On the other hand, I have never sought nor do I want access to her stuff. It is just not important to know about any conversation she has. My view is that if she cheats and I catch her, I am gone. Simple. But I am not going to chase behind her to try and catch her in something. Not my MO.

[Anonymous]

Snooping is a big no no. If you want to see something, ask. It's not the seeing it's the going behind my back and looking without telling me. If you can't trust a person enough not to snoop, we are simply not compatible.

[Anonymous]

I leave my email open, don't have a password on my laptop, have all my shopping sites on a sticky note on my desktop along with my email password. He uses my phone because I rarely do, he can go into my purse, my closet, my drawers, I could care less.

I never felt compelled to go through his things. I guess I could but I'm not interested. He says I can look at his phone but I don't. I think he said that because I allow all access to my stuff. His is all business so no, I don't snoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse can use my phone, computer, etc. I have nothing to hide and assume the same with him. It's called being open books.

A secretive person means there are red flags.

+1. I don't snoop, but I use his email, cell and computer occasionally. We have nothing to hide. I know all his passwords and he knows mine.

Exactly, how it should be. I wouldn't be with someone who wasn't a open book.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between openly asking and secretively snooping. If you ask, you just have a question. If you snoop, you either have a legitimate concern and are too insecure to ask or you are insecure. You shouldn't be in a relationship if you snoop.

All this "open book". Did you tell your SO you are a snoop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When one spouse lies to the other, they give up some of their privacy rights.

+1. I was never a snooper. Would not have dreamed of looking into my now exDH's personal stuff. Then I found out by accident that he had cheated. I confronted him immediately, expecting he would be honest. (Dumb expectation, I know.). After that, over the course of the next 2 years, I systematically snooped and searched and what I found blew my mind. We split up and my ex was eventually diagnosed as bipolar, which explained but did not excuse a lot of behavior.

I am glad I snooped. It let me know the truth about my situation and gave me the power to make decisions based on accurate information.

The real question is, in future relationships without any prior justification, would I snoop? I don't think so, but I do think that I would drop anyone who viewed me as someone from whom they had to keep things private or secret.

[Anonymous]

Yes - after being blindsided in the past my approach is to trust, but verify

[Anonymous]

Who snoops more - men or women?

My fiancee is a big snooper. She'd make a great investigator, she's constantly gathering facts about people and putting randoms bits of information together. I could not cheat on her, because I would be caught in a hot minute. She'd immediately pick up on a small inconsistency.

[Anonymous]

Not all crazy people talk to themselves and have violent mood swings and go running down the street butt naked in a snowstorm.
Its a lot people out here who simply can't control their jealousy and their insecurity and their possessiveness and they create all kinds of conspiracy theories in their minds and go to all kinds of elaborate lengths to find proof of the outlandish and outrageous imaginings floating around in their heads. Those folks are crazy too just not as demonstrative.
Are many people who snoop simply nosey, yes.
But make no mistake there are just as many people who snoop because they have serious psychological issues and heaven help those involved with the latter kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - after being blindsided in the past my approach is to trust, but verify

Ha ha ha - you can't do both. You either trust or you snoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse can use my phone, computer, etc. I have nothing to hide and assume the same with him. It's called being open books.

A secretive person means there are red flags.

I'm PP at 14:11 - the no snooping, no tolerance person.

DW and I both have no code on our phones and our computers are freely accessible to each other. It's not that either of us hides anything or is secretive; it's that we respect some private space for each other.

Bad decision, what happens if you lose your phone at a movie, mall, etc? No code, someone can run up a bill really quick.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do.
My mother didn't and she got cheated on. So yep...

[Anonymous]

There is no point. If you feel the need to snoop, consider your relationship over.