snooping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a horrible friend who I thought was keeping things confidential. Turned out she was telling him everything! That's a co-dependent woman who can't have a separate identity from their husband. Being over secretive is one thing, sharing everything and betraying people's trust is another.

Both are equally dysfunctional.

Just curious, how did you find out? I am a PP that doesn't believe in secrets and is clear about that with my friends. Occasionally I will talk to my spouse about how to help a friend or assist (ie, a friend going through a breakup who has been sleeping around and I am worried). I will tell him if they revealed something scandalous they did in the bedroom that he might think was interesting. Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him but he also would never bring up in their presence. Like part of the idea of no secrets is that my husband isn't going around blabbing my friend's business. We talk to each other but our conversations stop with each other too.

I think a better way to phrase how a lot of us feel about this isn't, 'why do you feel like you have to tell your spouse anything' and more 'do you feel comfortable intentionally keeping something secret from your spouse.' I don't tell him everything, and sometimes I might leave something out about my family that might make things tense or make someone feel uncomfortable but there is never anything that I would REFUSE to tell him. I think that is the line that a lot of us are describing.

Oh my God, you tell your husband about your friends' bedroom habits and sexual history? I think you definitely should let your friends know that you are sharing their intimate lives with him. Also seems icky that you want your husband to imagine Friend X doing kinky Y. My husband would be mad at me if I put him in a position where he had to be around my friends and pretend he doesn't know about their anal beads or whatever.

My husband doesn't feel like that. Funny how different relationships can work differently.

What are you thinking? How long have you been married? You NEVER tell your DH about the sexual exploits of your female friends. Not only is it awkward, but it puts things out there that do not need to be out there. Some of you are crazy! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just curious, how did you find out? I am a PP that doesn't believe in secrets and is clear about that with my friends. Occasionally I will talk to my spouse about how to help a friend or assist (ie, a friend going through a breakup who has been sleeping around and I am worried). I will tell him if they revealed something scandalous they did in the bedroom that he might think was interesting. Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him but he also would never bring up in their presence. Like part of the idea of no secrets is that my husband isn't going around blabbing my friend's business. We talk to each other but our conversations stop with each other too.

I think a better way to phrase how a lot of us feel about this isn't, 'why do you feel like you have to tell your spouse anything' and more 'do you feel comfortable intentionally keeping something secret from your spouse.' I don't tell him everything, and sometimes I might leave something out about my family that might make things tense or make someone feel uncomfortable but there is never anything that I would REFUSE to tell him. I think that is the line that a lot of us are describing.

I can't believe you would tell him something they did in the bedroom SIMPLY because he would find it INTERESTING!
Holy shit.
You are the worst friend, ever. The WORST.
Even if he isn't going to blab to other friends ... YOU JUST BLABBED.
This isn't about REFUSING to tell him -- he should never ask for details that a friend confided in you -- this is about you fucking gossiping to your husband.

Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

You wrote that you would share with him "Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him" ... aggg. I didn't make any assumptions about you. I'm JUDGING you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

You wrote that you would share with him "Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him" ... aggg. I didn't make any assumptions about you. I'm JUDGING you.

I know you said it isn't a new stance for your. Do you ask or or let them know every time they share something with you that you are going to be passing along the fact that their husband like pegging? Or a spanking?

Next time they tell you about something that went wrong in the bedroom (or right. or whatever.) why don't you let them know you shared that with your husband and see how they feel about it. Because if you don't you aren't just breaking their confidence, you are breaking their partner's confidence. If you ask, and they say of course, you are good to go.

Just ask. Every time.

[Anonymous]

I try to be respectful of what my friends tell me, but if something bothers me, I tell DH. I don't want to have secrets, and no, I don't snoop, but I have his passwords and we share phones, email, computers. I'd hate to have to snoop, but if I were worried, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

You wrote that you would share with him "Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him" ... aggg. I didn't make any assumptions about you. I'm JUDGING you.

I know you said it isn't a new stance for your. Do you ask or or let them know every time they share something with you that you are going to be passing along the fact that their husband like pegging? Or a spanking?

Next time they tell you about something that went wrong in the bedroom (or right. or whatever.) why don't you let them know you shared that with your husband and see how they feel about it. Because if you don't you aren't just breaking their confidence, you are breaking their partner's confidence. If you ask, and they say of course, you are good to go.

Just ask. Every time.

My friend that did this had very little self identity or independence. I caught her because like all liars she slipped up. No sense in having a friend you can't confide in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

You wrote that you would share with him "Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him" ... aggg. I didn't make any assumptions about you. I'm JUDGING you.

I know you said it isn't a new stance for your. Do you ask or or let them know every time they share something with you that you are going to be passing along the fact that their husband like pegging? Or a spanking?

Next time they tell you about something that went wrong in the bedroom (or right. or whatever.) why don't you let them know you shared that with your husband and see how they feel about it. Because if you don't you aren't just breaking their confidence, you are breaking their partner's confidence. If you ask, and they say of course, you are good to go.

Just ask. Every time.

I'm very clear that no one should tell me anything they wouldn't be comfortable with my husband knowing. I'm kind of shocked that people are so weirded out by this. I just assume everyone is the same whether they are as explicit as I am or not. I just don't believe that people in a healthy relationship wouldn't talk about the interesting things that happened to them that day. And if it was a scandalous girls brunch than that is what I want to talk about that night.

My husband has never embarrassed me or a friend in public.

Talking to my husband has literally zero impact on their life. They know this and I know this. Would you feel the same if I talked to a therapist about my friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just curious, how did you find out? I am a PP that doesn't believe in secrets and is clear about that with my friends. Occasionally I will talk to my spouse about how to help a friend or assist (ie, a friend going through a breakup who has been sleeping around and I am worried). I will tell him if they revealed something scandalous they did in the bedroom that he might think was interesting. Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him but he also would never bring up in their presence. Like part of the idea of no secrets is that my husband isn't going around blabbing my friend's business. We talk to each other but our conversations stop with each other too.

I think a better way to phrase how a lot of us feel about this isn't, 'why do you feel like you have to tell your spouse anything' and more 'do you feel comfortable intentionally keeping something secret from your spouse.' I don't tell him everything, and sometimes I might leave something out about my family that might make things tense or make someone feel uncomfortable but there is never anything that I would REFUSE to tell him. I think that is the line that a lot of us are describing.

I can't believe you would tell him something they did in the bedroom SIMPLY because he would find it INTERESTING!
Holy shit.
You are the worst friend, ever. The WORST.
Even if he isn't going to blab to other friends ... YOU JUST BLABBED.
This isn't about REFUSING to tell him -- he should never ask for details that a friend confided in you -- this is about you fucking gossiping to your husband.

Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

And that is fine. My DH is my confidant also - as it pertains to ME. He knows everything about ME. But when it comes to friends and relatives, we are on a "need to know" basis with each other. A friend confiding in you and you turning around and divulging the info to your DH is NOT the same thing. You can paint that as admirable if you want but it is actually unhealthy both for your marriage and those other "friendships."

How is it unhealthy for my marriage? Or for my friendships if there is never any issue that has ever arisen from this once in the length of my entire relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lol my friends are aware and fine with it. This is not a new stance I'm taking to them. And what is your husband to you? My husband is my best friend, I talk to him about everything. If my friend tried something crazy in the bedroom maybe I'm interested in trying it, maybe I want to see if he's interested. I talk to him about what's on my mind sexually I talk to him about things I'm worried about. He is my confidante in life.

I mean you clearly would not like to be friends with me but you don't know my life or my friends so please don't make assumptions

You wrote that you would share with him "Random things that my friends certainly wouldn't tell him" ... aggg. I didn't make any assumptions about you. I'm JUDGING you.

I know you said it isn't a new stance for your. Do you ask or or let them know every time they share something with you that you are going to be passing along the fact that their husband like pegging? Or a spanking?

Next time they tell you about something that went wrong in the bedroom (or right. or whatever.) why don't you let them know you shared that with your husband and see how they feel about it. Because if you don't you aren't just breaking their confidence, you are breaking their partner's confidence. If you ask, and they say of course, you are good to go.

Just ask. Every time.

I'm very clear that no one should tell me anything they wouldn't be comfortable with my husband knowing. I'm kind of shocked that people are so weirded out by this. I just assume everyone is the same whether they are as explicit as I am or not. I just don't believe that people in a healthy relationship wouldn't talk about the interesting things that happened to them that day. And if it was a scandalous girls brunch than that is what I want to talk about that night.

My husband has never embarrassed me or a friend in public.

Talking to my husband has literally zero impact on their life. They know this and I know this. Would you feel the same if I talked to a therapist about my friends?

PS the last thing that came up was a threesome. And when we met the following time, a few of us reported back on what our husbands thought about it! It isn't weird. Because sex is healthy and good and talking about sex with your husband is healthy and good and my friends are of the same mind.