Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think this is true. Many people spend their time trying to win over the queen bees and ignore everyone else. They feel bad unless they're part of that group and put forth energy to become accepted. They try to figure out the keys to being part of the in group and do them. They also revere whatever is accepted as looking physically good over those who don't fit in and value that over anyone who doesn't look the part. It extends to their children. The parents of the kids who don't fit in are shunned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, the women I become friends with are those who are down to earth and 'real'. They go out without make-up, they don't care if I see their house a mess, they live imperfect lives. They are just themselves and don't take life too seriously. Sometimes those people have money, sometimes they don't. Some are quiet, some are outgoing. I am more attracted to the character / integrity of the person than anything else. I don't like always nice, always sweet, better than thou personaliities so my friends are more tell it like it is people. I am friendly to most everyone but the people I actually develop friendships with are a certain type.

Wtf?

Plenty of people are real and wear makeup. What a bizarre judgment.

You misunderstood. I didn't mean they never wear make-up, just that they are also fine going out without it. They have a this is the real me - and don't need to cover their face or hide their mess or get dressed up etc before going for coffee or whatever. They aren't about aesthetics or perfection or creating an image to show to the world. They are okay with who they really are.

No I didn’t misunderstand.

You ascribe more noble intentions toward women who wear makeup often or have messy homes because you think they are more “authentic.”

When people have clean houses or are put together, they aren’t doing that *at* you.

Your judgment is so odd. And close-minded.

[Anonymous]

*toward women who DON’T wear makeup often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not experienced that in the American suburban school mom circles I've been part of. On the contrary, the friendly extroverts are sought after.

But... you could be describing my extended family in my native country in Europe. So incredibly uptight and haughty. Everyone has to glom on to the highest ranking person, and that person will always look down their nose at everyone else.

Which is why I'm here now

Welcome, PP!

[Anonymous]

It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

I’m still so confused why you’re so triggered by everything and reading so much into the OP. You’re assuming neediness and weirdness in all your posts. The OP was a simple question of “Why do some people gravitate to people who aren’t really that nice and say nasty things?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

I’m still so confused why you’re so triggered by everything and reading so much into the OP. You’re assuming neediness and weirdness in all your posts. The OP was a simple question of “Why do some people gravitate to people who aren’t really that nice and say nasty things?”

But her question of why women gravitate to that was under the much larger context of "I made myself more pretty and self confident and i don't understand why the other moms don't want to be friends with me".

She's not even friends with these other moms; she doesn't know that they're not nice and say nasty things. She doesn't understand why they won't let her in their club, even with her "glow-up".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

I’m still so confused why you’re so triggered by everything and reading so much into the OP. You’re assuming neediness and weirdness in all your posts. The OP was a simple question of “Why do some people gravitate to people who aren’t really that nice and say nasty things?”

But her question of why women gravitate to that was under the much larger context of "I made myself more pretty and self confident and i don't understand why the other moms don't want to be friends with me".

She's not even friends with these other moms; she doesn't know that they're not nice and say nasty things. She doesn't understand why they won't let her in their club, even with her "glow-up".

That’s literally not what is being asked or said. She is saying that she has reflected on her own painful experiences and treatment, and has changed her perception of what it means to relate others in a kind and inclusive way. She hopes that others will be on board with this approach but that’s not what she’s witnessing. She doesn’t understand why unkind women are still sought after.

That fact that you keep hammering in on how she thinks she’s so pretty and that none of these women want to be her friends is VERY telling of what kind of person you are and which group you probably lead or belong to.

[Anonymous]

It might just be as simple as their kids are friends. The PTA moms at my school are perfectly cordial but I'm never going to get invites to their get-togethers because our kids aren't friends.
By necessity I spend a lot of time with/talking to the mothers of my kids' friends. Sometimes you discover there's more there and you can strike up a friendship and sometimes it stays surface-level. They aren't necessarily who I would have chosen but I've met some very interesting women.
However I do know one lady specifically who fits what you're describing. She never says hi to anyone because she's related to a bunch of people at the school and exclusively socializes with them. Very alpha mom and I see people trying to butter her up.

[Anonymous]

The PTA moms are like HR. They're all in it to get some sort of preferential treatment or control things. These barracudas aren't a good match for OP.

OP, look for individual friendships with women you'd like to get to know. Join an activity or book club.

You're still trying to play this game of being popular in a group. Groups of women usually come with a lot of politics and someone always pulls some mean girl stunt. This might not be the best environment to play to your strengths. Do you even like these women, or are you just focusing on trying to get them to like you?

Most of these mom friend groups are based around kid friendships anyway. The mom friendships fall apart when the kid friendships fizzle, usually in MS. BTDT.

I used to do the mom group thing and at this point I'm just over it. I do it when required but strongly prefer to just meet up one on one with a friend.

You deserve friends who you like and who like you too. Look at it that way.

[Anonymous]

OP be as thin, fit and striking as possible, dress to the nines, keep your witty sense of humor, kindness and compassion. These are just a bunch of jealous yoga pant wearing hags with poor fashion sense. They secretly want to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a helper. When people need help they love me. If they don't need help, I might as well be a doormat.

I have yet to figure out the balance.

Soul sister.
Never put it in to words like that.
Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

+1

[Anonymous]

Many of these women are social climbers, advantageous, looking for transactional relationships. They try to control who their kids are friends with based on who the parents are and what those parents may offer, this is a mutual understanding for both families. These women usually steer clear of any woman who is objectively more attractive, thin, fit, intelligent, etc. regardless of this woman’s children. The children may try make friends with the more attractive woman’s children but the hag mom will point the child in another direction.