Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you had as much of a "glow up" as you think you did, and you are striving. You are going to want to say you aren't striving -- but your use of language, like "social capital" betrays a hyper-vigilance about the social strata. Like I said, you will claim you aren't striving like a 7th grader desperate to be in the popular crowd. But you are. You are just doing it with this ineffective "kind" and "open and fun" stuff, and criticizing what you identify as "haughtiness." There are hierarchies. The sooner you accept your place in them, the better for you.

You sound awful to be around.

[Anonymous]

Many of these parents are entitled brats themselves, raising a new generation of entitled brats. They lack any insight into this fact. You are not worthy of their friendship, they find you annoying at best and already have puhlenty of long standing established friendships. Unless you have box seats or a vacation home they can use, don’t even try.

[Anonymous]

If you're meeting jerks all day long, you're the jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

Nice people. Nice people want to make friends with people who need support or who otherwise feel that they don’t fit in.
This is why people say that you are mean and exclusive. Because you are. It’s fine. Just own it.

DP.

What you describe is not friendship. It's being nice. Friendship is mutually beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These people aren’t looking for friends, they’re trying to socially engineer their kids’ lives, that’s all. They aren’t your friends. They have enough HR/PR experience under their belts to know exactly how to get what they want and from whom.

+1. One of my biggest adult parenting mistakes has been somehow thinking that they did want to be my friend - when all they wanted was something specific from me.

How do you know when they just want something? I don’t always have good radar for determining this and worry I get taken for a ride sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you had as much of a "glow up" as you think you did, and you are striving. You are going to want to say you aren't striving -- but your use of language, like "social capital" betrays a hyper-vigilance about the social strata. Like I said, you will claim you aren't striving like a 7th grader desperate to be in the popular crowd. But you are. You are just doing it with this ineffective "kind" and "open and fun" stuff, and criticizing what you identify as "haughtiness." There are hierarchies. The sooner you accept your place in them, the better for you.

You sound awful to be around.

Nope. That PP hit the nail on the head.

The level of hyper- vigilance is off the charts.

There is someone/ some group out there for everyone. If all you keep noticing is those who are not for you, you have a problem. These " mean" group of moms may have a problem too, but focus on yourself because that's the problem you can fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're meeting jerks all day long, you're the jerk.

Ok, maybe I am a jerk? I think my child is not liked by some of their kids. This could be driving it, and I have absolutely nothing to offer these people. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These people aren’t looking for friends, they’re trying to socially engineer their kids’ lives, that’s all. They aren’t your friends. They have enough HR/PR experience under their belts to know exactly how to get what they want and from whom.

+1. One of my biggest adult parenting mistakes has been somehow thinking that they did want to be my friend - when all they wanted was something specific from me.

How do you know when they just want something? I don’t always have good radar for determining this and worry I get taken for a ride sometimes.

They ask for things, want is to watch their child, my DH coached their kid, they wanted him to play specific positions constantly before others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're meeting jerks all day long, you're the jerk.

Ok, maybe I am a jerk? I think my child is not liked by some of their kids. This could be driving it, and I have absolutely nothing to offer these people. So be it.

So what do they have to offer you? Or why is it important that they include you?

You do have something to offer. Everyone does.

[Anonymous]

These are superficially nice people, they are able to either fool people or attract and befriend similar types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're meeting jerks all day long, you're the jerk.

Ok, maybe I am a jerk? I think my child is not liked by some of their kids. This could be driving it, and I have absolutely nothing to offer these people. So be it.

So what do they have to offer you? Or why is it important that they include you?

You do have something to offer. Everyone does.

You’re right, we have absolutely nothing in common besides having kids. Many offer me nothing, not even a nod or hello. I at least try and wave to them or something. They’re brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

That’s unfortunate. I have to learned to never ever open up to any of these parents. I discuss my kids and any superficial minor issues they may have, nothing too heavy though. People don’t really care, esp other parents. They aren’t my friends and have no intention of ever knowing me and becoming my friend. I realized this from the beginning. If I ever need to confide in someone, I will have to get a therapist because I never want to be seen as whiny or a burden to someone.

[Anonymous]

It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.