Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Because if you meet one kid with autism you met one kid with autism. Same with the parents of these kids. Why can’t I have a choice?

Why does not having a choice to be friends with mean/catty people bother you?

I don’t like the fact that my DC and now myself, are lumped into a category. I don’t want to befriend catty parents, however I am never even given an opportunity to get to know any parent outside the SN bubble. It’s all based on misconceptions and their kids’ perceptions, which is just wrong. We are more than just people w SNs. I hate that label.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Sometimes you are the only one. And it isn’t just the mean, catty moms who don’t have time for you. It’s a lot of normal people too. People only have so much time. If their kid doesn’t want to hang out with your SN kid, then they really don’t have time for you.

You also get labeled as a bad parent a lot if your child’s SN aren’t immediately visibly obvious. People act like there is something defective about your whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

Any decent person in that group should have left by now, just like you did. The idiots are the only ones left.
Nobody is missing anything by being excluded from these groups.

And the decent people who are no longer part of the mean group are friendly and welcoming to new comers. So why do people want the choice to be part of the mean group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Sometimes you are the only one. And it isn’t just the mean, catty moms who don’t have time for you. It’s a lot of normal people too. People only have so much time. If their kid doesn’t want to hang out with your SN kid, then they really don’t have time for you.

You also get labeled as a bad parent a lot if your child’s SN aren’t immediately visibly obvious. People act like there is something defective about your whole family.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Sometimes you are the only one. And it isn’t just the mean, catty moms who don’t have time for you. It’s a lot of normal people too. People only have so much time. If their kid doesn’t want to hang out with your SN kid, then they really don’t have time for you.

You also get labeled as a bad parent a lot if your child’s SN aren’t immediately visibly obvious. People act like there is something defective about your whole family.

I am sorry you are experiencing this PP.

I think if you find yourself as the only one in the corner, there is some level of miscommunication/ misperception happening. If everyone, including the "normal" people, are avoiding you, I am not sure that this is a 'social hierarchy" issue, as the OP indicates.

In order for the hierarchy system to occur, there has to be another class. One person cannot be another class.

[Anonymous]

With a SN kid, the nice people can tend to be condescending and completely off base with their perceptions, most of the time though you and your DC are completely ignored, avoided and/or overlooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

I mean, that lady sounds insane and I'd be glad not to be socializing with her!

Yes. Well, we eventually moved, and my kids go to a normal school now where this doesn’t happen, so I don’t know things turned out.

But like OP said, everyone wants to be friends with this group. In some ways, they are a lot of fun, and they can make everything look even more fun talking about it and posting on social media. But yeah, there is this cattiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Sometimes you are the only one. And it isn’t just the mean, catty moms who don’t have time for you. It’s a lot of normal people too. People only have so much time. If their kid doesn’t want to hang out with your SN kid, then they really don’t have time for you.

You also get labeled as a bad parent a lot if your child’s SN aren’t immediately visibly obvious. People act like there is something defective about your whole family.

I am sorry you are experiencing this PP.

I think if you find yourself as the only one in the corner, there is some level of miscommunication/ misperception happening. If everyone, including the "normal" people, are avoiding you, I am not sure that this is a 'social hierarchy" issue, as the OP indicates.

In order for the hierarchy system to occur, there has to be another class. One person cannot be another class.

I know. I went off topic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Sometimes you are the only one. And it isn’t just the mean, catty moms who don’t have time for you. It’s a lot of normal people too. People only have so much time. If their kid doesn’t want to hang out with your SN kid, then they really don’t have time for you.

You also get labeled as a bad parent a lot if your child’s SN aren’t immediately visibly obvious. People act like there is something defective about your whole family.

I am sorry you are experiencing this PP.

I think if you find yourself as the only one in the corner, there is some level of miscommunication/ misperception happening. If everyone, including the "normal" people, are avoiding you, I am not sure that this is a 'social hierarchy" issue, as the OP indicates.

In order for the hierarchy system to occur, there has to be another class. One person cannot be another class.

If your kid is seen as the weird kid, the parents either treat you very condescendingly or they just avoid you completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

Any decent person in that group should have left by now, just like you did. The idiots are the only ones left.
Nobody is missing anything by being excluded from these groups.

And the decent people who are no longer part of the mean group are friendly and welcoming to new comers. So why do people want the choice to be part of the mean group?

They throw good parties.

I don’t know. Why does there have to be a mean group? Why are all of these grown women advocating for being mean?

[Anonymous]

God help you if you have a SN child. You don’t exist to these other parents. You may find another kindred spirit SN parent but their child will be polar opposite of your kid. There’s not a whole lot of space for kids/parents with any sort of minor differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

Any decent person in that group should have left by now, just like you did. The idiots are the only ones left.
Nobody is missing anything by being excluded from these groups.

And the decent people who are no longer part of the mean group are friendly and welcoming to new comers. So why do people want the choice to be part of the mean group?

They throw good parties.

I don’t know. Why does there have to be a mean group? Why are all of these grown women advocating for being mean?

I don't know either, and I don't want to know. I don't want to be around these people.

Even as a kid, i refused to attend a friend's party because she made some comments about not inviting some of our neighbors who gave bad presents. I was not interested in that kind of party.

Life is too short to spend time with people who behave like this. Enjoy spending time with the solid people who like you.