Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

That’s unfortunate. I have to learned to never ever open up to any of these parents. I discuss my kids and any superficial minor issues they may have, nothing too heavy though. People don’t really care, esp other parents. They aren’t my friends and have no intention of ever knowing me and becoming my friend. I realized this from the beginning. If I ever need to confide in someone, I will have to get a therapist because I never want to be seen as whiny or a burden to someone.

Or you could learn how to confidently foster friendships in which you strive to give as much as you take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

That’s unfortunate. I have to learned to never ever open up to any of these parents. I discuss my kids and any superficial minor issues they may have, nothing too heavy though. People don’t really care, esp other parents. They aren’t my friends and have no intention of ever knowing me and becoming my friend. I realized this from the beginning. If I ever need to confide in someone, I will have to get a therapist because I never want to be seen as whiny or a burden to someone.

Or you could learn how to confidently foster friendships in which you strive to give as much as you take.

I don’t take anything, I listen and have superficial conversations with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

I know. It kind of changes your self-image. It wasn’t what I thought being a parent would look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

The parents of NT kids make small talk with me and may condescendingly ask how my DC is doing, that is it. My kid is barely SN, he is mainstreamed. They don’t even know my DC, yet they believe he is SN and form misconceptions based on what their kids may say. It’s all so frustrating and so many misunderstandings and ignorance involved.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Because if you meet one kid with autism you met one kid with autism. Same with the parents of these kids. Why can’t I have a choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really bad if your kids aren’t well liked, due to special needs or just being different in some way. You’re pushed to the periphery along with the other ‘weirdos.’ You have no chance whatsoever, regardless of your personality.

This has been one of the hardest things for me about having a child with autism. I feel like a jerk complaining about it because it’s obviously harder for DS than it is for me.
I will say that I have really come to like the “weirdos” on the periphery .

Yes, I would like to not be forced to the periphery though. I have no choice.

Your above comment is what I don't understand in this thread.

What is so wrong with the periphery? If the mean moms are as horrible and as catty as you say they are, aren't you relieved that you are at the periphery?

Because if you meet one kid with autism you met one kid with autism. Same with the parents of these kids. Why can’t I have a choice?

Why does not having a choice to be friends with mean/catty people bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

OP didn’t say that they didn’t want to be friends with her, only that they were catty.

I also don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. I get that how often you see someone is limited by time and personality fit and other obligations, and there might be some people you only see in group settings. But, as a grown adult, if you know that someone is looking for friends, why not be friends? What’s up with shutting certain people out?

DP.

Some people are takers. They take, take and take without ever offering. It's tiresome.

I had a friend who used me as a therapist. She would whine and complain about everyone to me, but then go and be this bubbly, outgoing, happy person to her other friends whom she called "acquaintances". The last straw was when my dad died, and she not only did not show up but never offered to help with anything. She even called me right before the funeral to vent about some nonsense. We text every now and then, but I don't enjoy spending time with her, so I don't. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

If I notice that someone is mostly whiny and not reciprocating kindness in some way, I don't bother.

It sounds like you were friends with that person, it didn’t go well, and you ended that relationship.
You don’t have to maintain a close friendship with people who are obviously taking advantage of you.

But if you are at a PTA meeting, and you know someone is new in town or recently divorced or whatever and looking for friends, why not just be inclusive?
You don’t have to be best friends, but why the cattiness and exclusivity?

Most of the time in ES and into MS it’s based on who the kids are friends with, and parents definitely try to manipulate this. Parents will actually request certain friends to be in class with their child. This is entitlement at its finest. If their child doesn’t like your child or doesn’t know your child, you are automatically out.

Yeah. And then it leads to pushing the kids to make friends with the mom queen bee’s kid and the cycle continues.

And you know this how? Is this what they told you?

I saw them do it. I was in this group for a little while. I heard the moms talk about it and saw them striving to hang with the queen bee while socializing.
And then I saw the kids act it out while volunteering to help with lunch and recess at the school.

I got too busy to hang out with that group when one of the moms started talking about how she had to have her house fumigated after she invited all the girls in the second grade class to a birthday party at her house. Everyone started talking about how this family and that family were dirty. And I absolutely saw that attitude carried over to the girls at school. The whole thing was gross.

I mean, that lady sounds insane and I'd be glad not to be socializing with her!