Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

It’s all very superficial, attempting to befriend other moms. I am resigned to the fact that the days of making new friends are long over for me. Many of these women are like sharks, many do work in HR/PR and are frankly people I would never ever want to know anyhow, simply obnoxious individuals.

[Anonymous]

The moms at your kid's school are not an undifferentiated mass of shallow meanness, they're individual people with the normal range of personality traits. If you aren't seeing that, they are not the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women are social climbers, advantageous, looking for transactional relationships. They try to control who their kids are friends with based on who the parents are and what those parents may offer, this is a mutual understanding for both families. These women usually steer clear of any woman who is objectively more attractive, thin, fit, intelligent, etc. regardless of this woman’s children. The children may try make friends with the more attractive woman’s children but the hag mom will point the child in another direction.

+1. I live across the street from a woman just like this. She used me and several other women to forge connections to help buy a house in our neighborhood before it officially went on the market, and then used us to meet more people in the neighborhood. Once I realized what a user she was, she had already moved on to other people who could offer her more in the neighborhood. She's a vicious mean woman, but there are so many other women who are either afraid of upsetting her or don't see through phoniness. It's all about social engineering and the mom's own social standing rather than the kids. And yes, the mom works in HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women are social climbers, advantageous, looking for transactional relationships. They try to control who their kids are friends with based on who the parents are and what those parents may offer, this is a mutual understanding for both families. These women usually steer clear of any woman who is objectively more attractive, thin, fit, intelligent, etc. regardless of this woman’s children. The children may try make friends with the more attractive woman’s children but the hag mom will point the child in another direction.

+1. I live across the street from a woman just like this. She used me and several other women to forge connections to help buy a house in our neighborhood before it officially went on the market, and then used us to meet more people in the neighborhood. Once I realized what a user she was, she had already moved on to other people who could offer her more in the neighborhood. She's a vicious mean woman, but there are so many other women who are either afraid of upsetting her or don't see through phoniness. It's all about social engineering and the mom's own social standing rather than the kids. And yes, the mom works in HR.

Sheesh. One of the most phony and social enterprising moms I know also works in HR. Wonder why this is such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women are social climbers, advantageous, looking for transactional relationships. They try to control who their kids are friends with based on who the parents are and what those parents may offer, this is a mutual understanding for both families. These women usually steer clear of any woman who is objectively more attractive, thin, fit, intelligent, etc. regardless of this woman’s children. The children may try make friends with the more attractive woman’s children but the hag mom will point the child in another direction.

+1. I live across the street from a woman just like this. She used me and several other women to forge connections to help buy a house in our neighborhood before it officially went on the market, and then used us to meet more people in the neighborhood. Once I realized what a user she was, she had already moved on to other people who could offer her more in the neighborhood. She's a vicious mean woman, but there are so many other women who are either afraid of upsetting her or don't see through phoniness. It's all about social engineering and the mom's own social standing rather than the kids. And yes, the mom works in HR.

Sheesh. One of the most phony and social enterprising moms I know also works in HR. Wonder why this is such a thing.

HR is comprised of people like this, phony, entitled, power hungry, ruthless individuals. My neighborhood consists of probably half HR/PR people and they gravitate and feed off of each others’ BS. You can spot them schmoozing from a mile away. They treat parenting like an HR gig, networking, forming connections. Many are overly involved in anything related to their kids, they orchestrate who their kids associate with.

[Anonymous]

I'm overweight and shy and it took a little bit for me to become friends with a lot of the PTA moms. It's not because they were mean, exclusive, or hostile. They just all knew each other and their kids knew each other so it just felt harder to get to that same level of familiarity. It required work on my part too to become part of that group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women are social climbers, advantageous, looking for transactional relationships. They try to control who their kids are friends with based on who the parents are and what those parents may offer, this is a mutual understanding for both families. These women usually steer clear of any woman who is objectively more attractive, thin, fit, intelligent, etc. regardless of this woman’s children. The children may try make friends with the more attractive woman’s children but the hag mom will point the child in another direction.

+1. I live across the street from a woman just like this. She used me and several other women to forge connections to help buy a house in our neighborhood before it officially went on the market, and then used us to meet more people in the neighborhood. Once I realized what a user she was, she had already moved on to other people who could offer her more in the neighborhood. She's a vicious mean woman, but there are so many other women who are either afraid of upsetting her or don't see through phoniness. It's all about social engineering and the mom's own social standing rather than the kids. And yes, the mom works in HR.

I think the phoniness amongst these types is unmistakable. If people choose to associate with or befriend them, they are just as bad if not worse imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm overweight and shy and it took a little bit for me to become friends with a lot of the PTA moms. It's not because they were mean, exclusive, or hostile. They just all knew each other and their kids knew each other so it just felt harder to get to that same level of familiarity. It required work on my part too to become part of that group.

I am shy and far from social climber. Our kids all know each other, yet many of these women absolutely do not want to be my friend. It’s so bad that they will only communicate with my husband, they even text him, which is fine by me, quite funny. It’s not every single woman, but it’s quite clear who the nasty ones are. Again, most work in HR/PR.

[Anonymous]

This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre. An awful lot of women projecting an entire personality type on the OP's PTA group.

When the only thing the OP complained about is that they don't want to be friends with her.

So if a grown woman doesn't want to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with her, she's a shallow, cutthroat shark (and every other insult thrown out on this thread)?

No, but many of these parents, women and some men, tend to have similar personality traits. They aren’t all in the PTA. They’re the players, the social climbers, striving to get a leg up, they take it to the next level. I’m not playing the game so my kids and I are not even on their radar. Sucks for my kids at times I will admit.

[Anonymous]

These people aren’t looking for friends, they’re trying to socially engineer their kids’ lives, that’s all. They aren’t your friends. They have enough HR/PR experience under their belts to know exactly how to get what they want and from whom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

Nice people. Nice people want to make friends with people who need support or who otherwise feel that they don’t fit in.
This is why people say that you are mean and exclusive. Because you are. It’s fine. Just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These people aren’t looking for friends, they’re trying to socially engineer their kids’ lives, that’s all. They aren’t your friends. They have enough HR/PR experience under their belts to know exactly how to get what they want and from whom.

+1. One of my biggest adult parenting mistakes has been somehow thinking that they did want to be my friend - when all they wanted was something specific from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These people aren’t looking for friends, they’re trying to socially engineer their kids’ lives, that’s all. They aren’t your friends. They have enough HR/PR experience under their belts to know exactly how to get what they want and from whom.

+1. One of my biggest adult parenting mistakes has been somehow thinking that they did want to be my friend - when all they wanted was something specific from me.

What’s baffling to me is how common this mentality is amongst adults. They befriend each other with the same intent. It’s mind blowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s simple, people are attracted to people who seem to not need anyone.

Which makes sense. Who wants a friend that is needy? Or who doesn’t fit in and is obsessive about it? Nobody’s going to want to be around that. Most of us don’t have time for new friends anyway.

Nice people. Nice people want to make friends with people who need support or who otherwise feel that they don’t fit in.
This is why people say that you are mean and exclusive. Because you are. It’s fine. Just own it.

I don’t know, maybe these people were raised this way, social climbing and exclusion is the only way they know? You’re correct you don’t have time for new friends PP, how tedious it must be for you to reach out to someone who has nothing to offer you.