Guess inclusion isn’t viewed as favorably as haughtiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

[Anonymous]

For me, the women I become friends with are those who are down to earth and 'real'. They go out without make-up, they don't care if I see their house a mess, they live imperfect lives. They are just themselves and don't take life too seriously. Sometimes those people have money, sometimes they don't. Some are quiet, some are outgoing. I am more attracted to the character / integrity of the person than anything else. I don't like always nice, always sweet, better than thou personaliities so my friends are more tell it like it is people. I am friendly to most everyone but the people I actually develop friendships with are a certain type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Shouldn’t you be able to walk into the PTA and be friendly and expect the other people there to want to be friends?
I don’t mean that you are sharing your deepest secrets, but just nice to each other, including each other in conversations and group socializing?

My kids go to a small Catholic school, but that’s how it is there. Sure, some people are especially close, but everyone is just kind of friends with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

But why do you need social capital to make friends in an elementary school PTA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Shouldn’t you be able to walk into the PTA and be friendly and expect the other people there to want to be friends?
I don’t mean that you are sharing your deepest secrets, but just nice to each other, including each other in conversations and group socializing?

My kids go to a small Catholic school, but that’s how it is there. Sure, some people are especially close, but everyone is just kind of friends with everyone.

Wait. What?? No. You should not expect to be “friends” with all moms at a pta meeting. You should expect everyone in the meeting to be “friendly”. But you should not expect that grown women, with jobs, busy lives, hobbies, interests, and personalities of their own, are just going to be friends with you because your children attend the same school.

Op this is where I think you do not understand humans and what friendship means. If you didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid, maybe you are just not very savvy when it comes to understanding human interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

But why do you need social capital to make friends in an elementary school PTA?

Op I’m guessing this has nothing to do with social capital. Sometimes people just don’t want to be friends with you. Based on your responses here, I’m guessing they don’t want to be friends with you because you are odd. Not because of any social capital issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

But why do you need social capital to make friends in an elementary school PTA?

Op I’m guessing this has nothing to do with social capital. Sometimes people just don’t want to be friends with you. Based on your responses here, I’m guessing they don’t want to be friends with you because you are odd. Not because of any social capital issues.

What’s odd is women who say cruel things about other people’s children, roll their eyes at everyone, and insult the work you do to make a living but STILL have a ton of friends. That’s not normal, but it seems to be really prevalent in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Shouldn’t you be able to walk into the PTA and be friendly and expect the other people there to want to be friends?
I don’t mean that you are sharing your deepest secrets, but just nice to each other, including each other in conversations and group socializing?

My kids go to a small Catholic school, but that’s how it is there. Sure, some people are especially close, but everyone is just kind of friends with everyone.

Wait. What?? No. You should not expect to be “friends” with all moms at a pta meeting. You should expect everyone in the meeting to be “friendly”. But you should not expect that grown women, with jobs, busy lives, hobbies, interests, and personalities of their own, are just going to be friends with you because your children attend the same school.

Op this is where I think you do not understand humans and what friendship means. If you didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid, maybe you are just not very savvy when it comes to understanding human interactions.

Those things might limit how often you see someone. But yes. You can be friends with someone just because your kids go to the same school or you live in the same neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, the women I become friends with are those who are down to earth and 'real'. They go out without make-up, they don't care if I see their house a mess, they live imperfect lives. They are just themselves and don't take life too seriously. Sometimes those people have money, sometimes they don't. Some are quiet, some are outgoing. I am more attracted to the character / integrity of the person than anything else. I don't like always nice, always sweet, better than thou personaliities so my friends are more tell it like it is people. I am friendly to most everyone but the people I actually develop friendships with are a certain type.

Wtf?

Plenty of people are real and wear makeup. What a bizarre judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

But why do you need social capital to make friends in an elementary school PTA?

Op I’m guessing this has nothing to do with social capital. Sometimes people just don’t want to be friends with you. Based on your responses here, I’m guessing they don’t want to be friends with you because you are odd. Not because of any social capital issues.

I’m not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Did the OP say she was attractive? No, she did not. See, this is where it becomes really clear that you’re super triggered here and are reading things into the OP’s post that aren’t there. It’s apparent that you’re one of the grown up mean girls who just wants to continue being arrogant and nasty because you cannot stand the thought of another woman being kind and beautiful.

She described herself as having had a "glow up" in the context of talking about why she was surprised and upset that other women didn't want to be her friend.

I'm actually someone who would never expect to be able to walk into a PTA and make friends. And that's totally fine, and I'm not judging anyone for not wanting to be my friend, because I'm a grown up and I can make friends in other places.

You’re so triggered. A glow up can refer to confidence or the way you perceive the world and relate to it. And she never once said other women don’t want to be her friend. She doesn’t understand why many people gravitate toward meanness over kindness. It actually sounds like she has plenty of friends and is more curious why some people are stuck in and attracted to unhealthy people.

She has no idea what people are gravitating to. She provided no examples of meanness. All she is able to observe is that what she is bringing does not translate into social capital, and that she feels other women are being insufficiently supportive. If she felt good about her ability to make friends in general, she would not care if this specific group of women didn't want to be her friend. And actual kindness is not about an expectation that will it translate into popularity.

But why do you need social capital to make friends in an elementary school PTA?

Why do you think just because someone is a mother that they owe other mothers at their kid's school friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to attribute that kind of unfriendly behavior in adults to a lack of social skills, and I never really encountered it until I had DCs and was obligated to interact with other parents at school and in other settings. I was PA president for a couple of years, and I was constantly dealing with people who didn't seem to understand that being arrogant or condescending straight out of the gate is not a good way to win friends and influence people.

All we have here is that OP feels like part of women supporting other women means she should be able to walk into PTA and be friendly and attractive and other women should want to be her friend, and it's not working. That's weird, and you don't need to be arrogant or condescending to not be into that.

Shouldn’t you be able to walk into the PTA and be friendly and expect the other people there to want to be friends?
I don’t mean that you are sharing your deepest secrets, but just nice to each other, including each other in conversations and group socializing?

My kids go to a small Catholic school, but that’s how it is there. Sure, some people are especially close, but everyone is just kind of friends with everyone.

Wait. What?? No. You should not expect to be “friends” with all moms at a pta meeting. You should expect everyone in the meeting to be “friendly”. But you should not expect that grown women, with jobs, busy lives, hobbies, interests, and personalities of their own, are just going to be friends with you because your children attend the same school.

Op this is where I think you do not understand humans and what friendship means. If you didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid, maybe you are just not very savvy when it comes to understanding human interactions.

I said this. I’m not the OP. I’m another poster with kids who go to a small Catholic school where people are generally friends with each other.

Someone in the school lost a child a few weeks ago, and everyone in the school showed up to the funeral.
If there is a get together, book club, etc., you know that you can bring anyone with a child at the school, and they will be included.

I saw the exclusive stuff at our previous school, and it was unnecessary and, yeah, kind of mean.