Husband compliments classically “good looking families” in public. How to make him stop?

[Anonymous]

Paying for a stranger, unless it's clear they're in need, is not appropriate.

I would not appreciate such a gesture, and would rather donate my time and money to people in need, not random strangers who can afford their restaurant meal.

Also, to answer another poster, it's NOT okay to stick to complimenting people who look like you. If you do that, please stop. It's internalized discrimination, and it's racist when the majority race does this for their fellows, since it exacerbates that group's cultural and socio-economic dominance. I'm not saying that the actions of one individual will have a measurable impact on the world. But it's the mindset behind it that's problematic, as well as the behaviors you're modeling for your children and all the observers around you.

So OP's husband is out of line, and OP's job is to explain this to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

I think it's kind of weird and very shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Paying for a stranger, unless it's clear they're in need, is not appropriate.

I would not appreciate such a gesture, and would rather donate my time and money to people in need, not random strangers who can afford their restaurant meal.

Also, to answer another poster, it's NOT okay to stick to complimenting people who look like you. If you do that, please stop. It's internalized discrimination, and it's racist when the majority race does this for their fellows, since it exacerbates that group's cultural and socio-economic dominance. I'm not saying that the actions of one individual will have a measurable impact on the world. But it's the mindset behind it that's problematic, as well as the behaviors you're modeling for your children and all the observers around you.

So OP's husband is out of line, and OP's job is to explain this to him.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

Have any of you realized that paying for someone else isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect?



The cashier just uses your money and pays themselves. The family in question still has to pay for their meal, and has no clue you attempted to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have any of you realized that paying for someone else isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect?



The cashier just uses your money and pays themselves. The family in question still has to pay for their meal, and has no clue you attempted to pay.

I agree with the first part of this but not the second. Obviously we are in a mostly cashless society where that wouldn’t be possible, and if someone is actually handing cash over to a cashier they can observe them ring in whatever it is and get their change.
Not everyone is a thief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have any of you realized that paying for someone else isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect?



The cashier just uses your money and pays themselves. The family in question still has to pay for their meal, and has no clue you attempted to pay.

This could be said about any form of charity. Better not to give at all then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have any of you realized that paying for someone else isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect?

The cashier just uses your money and pays themselves. The family in question still has to pay for their meal, and has no clue you attempted to pay.

As.it should be. The wealthier "classically attractive" family doesn't need extra money as much as the server or cashier.

It's also really creepy to do this, and my dh and I would refuse to take the money / meal. I would rather give the money to the server or cashier so I don't feel like we "owe" Op's dh anything. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get this quite often and we aren't model material. We are both thin, no tattoos, and don't wear sweats in public (I am usually wearing a cheap dress and husband jeans and t shirt.) When I look at the other families at Little League I can imagine their unbelievably sloppy appearances would be jarring to an older person.

I think you may have teased out what he thinks is good looking. It’s not JUST a couple of cute kids out with a pretty mom and handsome dad — it’s also the rarity of seeing young parents without tattoos, the kids dressed cutely, and mom and dad aren’t wearing pajamas and flip flops or slides or blasting a FaceTime conversation over speakerphone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And they are always white families, I assume?

+2

Obvs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get this quite often and we aren't model material. We are both thin, no tattoos, and don't wear sweats in public (I am usually wearing a cheap dress and husband jeans and t shirt.) When I look at the other families at Little League I can imagine their unbelievably sloppy appearances would be jarring to an older person.

These days being average or thin weight with no tattoos is a clear minority. Except perhaps for Asians.

Very good point. The kids don’t have to be Ralph Lauren models for the family to stand out if mom and dad are simply clean cut with no tattoos. Kind of a sad reality

[Anonymous]

Who are these people obsessed with an imaginary tattoo epidemic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people obsessed with an imaginary tattoo epidemic?

Unless you live in Utah (?), *young* parents are often full of tattoos, dressed like slobs, and overweight. And around DC, the clean cut parents are almost always old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people obsessed with an imaginary tattoo epidemic?

Unless you live in Utah (?), *young* parents are often full of tattoos, dressed like slobs, and overweight. And around DC, the clean cut parents are almost always old.

Cool, Daddio

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have any of you realized that paying for someone else isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect?



The cashier just uses your money and pays themselves. The family in question still has to pay for their meal, and has no clue you attempted to pay.

I was a barista for years and this kind of thing happened fairly often (not for attractive families, specifically, but just people wanting to pay something forward). I always used the cash on another customer, as did my coworkers. I’m not saying it never happens that the cashier might take the money but don’t assume it’s just getting taken by the cashier.

[Anonymous]

In a social setting, focused attention on the genetically determined attributes of any group you are not part of is just creepy AF.