Husband compliments classically “good looking families” in public. How to make him stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sweet. Whenever we see a padre or two out for lunch DH will pay for their meal. I’ve had my meal and the whole table’s paid for while out to dinner with girlfriends. People are free to be charitable as they please, I think.

A padre? You mean a priest? That's even more bizarre. Why would you buy their meals? They earn a salary, receive stipends for services performed outside of those duties (funerals, weddings), have healthcare, a pension, free housing.

Put your money to better use.

No. I will buy meals for whoever I want, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does seem like he's racist in his characterization of what constitutes an American family. There are families everywhere, in all colors and shapes, so it's jarring that he's focusing only on the all white attractive young people. Your embarrassment at his forwardness belies your discomfort at his problematic views. This is more than his desire for grandchildren.

Mother of four blondes here. Is he only complimenting white folks? If so then yea that’s pretty sad. There are a helluva lot of beautiful POC families and when I see one I often say something. Pay it forward as they say.

[Anonymous]

Eeww, this is so racist with echoes of Nazi focus on appearances and the perfect white family.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is sweet. Whenever we see a padre or two out for lunch DH will pay for their meal. I’ve had my meal and the whole table’s paid for while out to dinner with girlfriends. People are free to be charitable as they please, I think.[/quote]

A padre? You mean a priest? That's even more bizarre. Why would you buy their meals? They earn a salary, receive stipends for services performed outside of those duties (funerals, weddings), have healthcare, a pension, free housing.

Put your money to better use.[/quote]
No. I will buy meals for whoever I want, thank you.[/quote]

Look at you, supporting the patriarchy. I hope you realize you're part of the problem. Money should go to the needy, not the predators or exploiters.[/quote]

Bigot. I’m reporting your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s a weirdo!

A racist weirdo.

[Anonymous]

I have an elderly aunt who makes comments like this, though she’s not paying anybody’s tab as far as I know. The families aren’t always white, but they always consist of a mom and a dad who are attractive and on the younger side, have at least 2 kids under 10 or so, and are dressed neatly.

[Anonymous]

OP NEVER SAID that her husband only compliments white families. She sort of implied it but she did not confirm it.

[Anonymous]

OP — is your family classically beautiful? Or are you ugly? I’m also wondering if he’s paying for some of these kids because he’s secretly fathered the kids. Does he work as a doctor in an insemination clinic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

Generally I think this is fine to do to families with young toddlers and under. It’s always a shock to see how little a newborn is or cute a 1 or 2 yo is once your kids are tweens and up.

You can certainly tell him if he’s doing this TOO often or too much.

Is something else at play here OP?
I have an absentee husband and father so I cringe when he repeats comments or info I made to him or compliments other parents, since the truth was and is he’s a lousy parent. Who likes to impress others and ignore his own kids and spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

Whoa, paying for other peoples meals and goods is weird.
Is he insecure or obsessed with people pleasing?
Does he make a lot of money and treat you and the kids well and as priority #1?

[Anonymous]

Norman Rockwell painting like this?



https://www.kennedy-center.org/education/resources-for-educators/classroom-resources/media-and-interactives/media/visual-arts/norman-rockwell--the-problem-we-all-live-with/#:~:text=But%20his%20work%20had%20a,school%20on%20that%20November%20day.

DH is super creepy as described. An obsession with Classical" is total dog whistle for people with no culture trying to pretend they have culture. Is your own family "classical"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP — is your family classically beautiful? Or are you ugly? I’m also wondering if he’s paying for some of these kids because he’s secretly fathered the kids. Does he work as a doctor in an insemination clinic?

This theory is unhinged, I love it.

I wouldn’t jump to racism w/o confirmation he exclusively appreciates white families. I’m white, DH is black, our 4 kids are biracial and we’ve gotten the Norman Rockwell comparison twice before. In any case, compliments are fine but paying tabs, although it may come from a place of kindness, can come off as invasive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your problem with this? And what is a classically attractive family? Are we talking about race, gender, weight, clothing, what?

Use your words precisely. Don't leave us hanging and guessing.

He says like a Norman Rockwell painting; classically all-American. He thinks these days it’s so uncommon for attractive young people to have a bunch of kids that it is compliment-worthy when you see it. I think he’s yearning for more grandkids and this is his outlet. But it’s still a little forward, to me.

So big families?

Are you the second wife Op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your problem with this? And what is a classically attractive family? Are we talking about race, gender, weight, clothing, what?

Use your words precisely. Don't leave us hanging and guessing.

He says like a Norman Rockwell painting; classically all-American. He thinks these days it’s so uncommon for attractive young people to have a bunch of kids that it is compliment-worthy when you see it. I think he’s yearning for more grandkids and this is his outlet. But it’s still a little forward, to me.

So white, in other words. How about a very attractive black man/white woman with good looking well dressed biracial kids? I'm guess that wouldn't fit his "Norman Rockwell" image.

That's a bit of an issue. Also the paying is weird.

Didn’t OP flippantly define Normal Rockwell as a family with lots of kids?

Which is not how to define wwIi normal Rockwell paintings of everyday live in the 50s- screaming kids, at the dentist, doing laundry, etc. I have the book right here. It’s like the Christmas story in detailed paintings.

No one says it’s racist. Where does OP and her husband even live? Wash DC? One of the most diverse, cosmopolitan and multicultural cities in America?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think both things are really strange. Is he clueless? I would insist he stop.

+1

Is her aspergers and misses social cues and normaties?