Husband compliments classically “good looking families” in public. How to make him stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your problem with this? And what is a classically attractive family? Are we talking about race, gender, weight, clothing, what?

Use your words precisely. Don't leave us hanging and guessing.

He says like a Norman Rockwell painting; classically all-American. He thinks these days it’s so uncommon for attractive young people to have a bunch of kids that it is compliment-worthy when you see it. I think he’s yearning for more grandkids and this is his outlet. But it’s still a little forward, to me.

Wow. He just owns his racism, doesn't he? What an awful person. Tell him he's racist until he pays for an equal number of Black, Hispanic, Asian, Arab, multi-racial families and generally not Scandinavian-white families.

Eh. Paying for a black family and making some kind of compliment like this is just asking for an issue. Especially if the guy is what we all sort of assume. It’s going to come off like “oh hey look, a black family where the father is still around! Let me buy them a lunch.”

I think the compliment is nice. Who cares if it’s deployed in a racist way (assuming he’s not like criticizing or antagonizing non “nice looking families”)? It’s still adding to the overall joy and kindness in the universe.

The paying, while well meaning, is a little odd. But if it’s done silently and you’re gone before the recipients know, I don’t think it’s creepy. (Admit I’ve done this—secretly paid things for other people—because it makes me feel good. Though I don’t just do it for looking like a nice family.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband my MIL? This is her favorite thing to say about other people's families. I have always ascribed it to an unhealthy obsession with wanting everything to look like a Christmas card, as she is most likely to say this when a family's outfits are coordinated. Please note I've never done a coordinated outfit Christmas card for my family and I do think this is a source of distress for her.

Cue the mother in law insults! God I love DCUM. So toxic lol

Cue the boring “OMG UR ALL SO MEEEEEAN TO MILS” poster. “Lol!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

DH does similarly annoying things. If he sees a young family with small kids out together, if the kids are together, he'll go up and start "playing bongos" on their heads and singing nonsense. It's embarrassing. He's also always on the look out for people he thinks look down. When he does, he'll go up and hug them saying Jesus is My Lord, is he yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pick up checks for attractive groups of women.

Husband is a mensch.

Menschkeit is about having integrity and doing the right thing, not being a sexist or racist patronizing creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

DH does similarly annoying things. If he sees a young family with small kids out together, if the kids are together, he'll go up and start "playing bongos" on their heads and singing nonsense. It's embarrassing. He's also always on the look out for people he thinks look down. When he does, he'll go up and hug them saying Jesus is My Lord, is he yours?

I think you're probably joking around, but if you're not, how on earth can you tolerate this man?

[Anonymous]

But really, think about whether "classically attractive" does always equate into say, white and thin for him? What is that telling your children, if it does.

Is he like longing for the days of June Cleaver. MAGA???

[Anonymous]

I just remembered that when I see families dressed up (for church) on Sunday mornings, I sometimes compliment them. It stands out in the supermarket, that is for sure (and reminds me of my childhood). But they are almost always black and I am white. So I just think I like the tradition of families getting gussied up for church once a week, girls in dresses, boys in button down shirts, etc. Plus I know it takes effort (probably on the mother's part).

Perhaps offensive to some??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

DH does similarly annoying things. If he sees a young family with small kids out together, if the kids are together, he'll go up and start "playing bongos" on their heads and singing nonsense. It's embarrassing. He's also always on the look out for people he thinks look down. When he does, he'll go up and hug them saying Jesus is My Lord, is he yours?

I think you're probably joking around, but if you're not, how on earth can you tolerate this man?

Seriously. Super creepy and inappropriate. He touches kids he doesn't know and proselytizes to them and their parents? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

Dive in. Apologize to the people he approaches. Tell them he has a self-regulation disorder.

[Anonymous]

What is with the nuts trying to demonize an elderly man for admiring purity and beauty. Something tells me the only folks offended by this are jealous ugly people (inside and out) and jealous childless folks who are triggered whenever they see children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with the nuts trying to demonize an elderly man for admiring purity and beauty. Something tells me the only folks offended by this are jealous ugly people (inside and out) and jealous childless folks who are triggered whenever they see children.

WTF
I think the man is weird but harmless, you going on about "purity" is something else. Very sinister and gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But really, think about whether "classically attractive" does always equate into say, white and thin for him? What is that telling your children, if it does.

Is he like longing for the days of June Cleaver. MAGA???

With obesity epidemic it's good to congratulate the families that are sticking to be healthy

[Anonymous]

As someone who respects, empathizes with, and supports (often financially) “non-traditional” (sorry for the hackneyed phrase) families like perhaps a single/divorces dad or mom, it’s also ok to celebrate the demonstrable success of traditional families too.

Anthropologically, Homo Sapiens are designed to form monogamous, very-long-term relationships and family structures. Our human offspring don’t fledge and leave the nest in four weeks. They take a couple decades to reach full mental and physical maturity, by which time they’re about to start making us into grandparents and the family structure extends more and makes that family unit even MORE likely to succeed.

That was true in cave man times, and it’s still true today.

We can both respect people who don’t live in a family like that — often through no choice of their own — and still be jazzed up and happy to see a successful, stable, Mom/Dad/Kids family. Chances are, that mom and dad are busting their humps to make it work. Despite the silly “Privilege” buzzword of today, getting all the pieces to fall into place and stay that way It’s not easy.

If anyone is insecure about that truth, or any such truth, then it’s usually a person with their own insecurities and personal/political ax to grind. But as the saying goes, “you’re entitled to your own opinion, but you’re not entitled to your own facts.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But really, think about whether "classically attractive" does always equate into say, white and thin for him? What is that telling your children, if it does.

Is he like longing for the days of June Cleaver. MAGA???

No idea.

Reads like a troll post. At food and meal high costs nowadays I doubt anyone’s is going around paying $100 meals.

[Anonymous]

It is so funny how everyone projects their own agenda and on this relatively harmless and trivial issue. OP, if this feels awkward to the point of annoying you, just tell your husband how you feel and ask him to stop. Even if it feels harmless and friendly to him, he will stop it out of respect to your feelings. My wife and I both regulate our behavior out of respect to the other's feelings all the time. It is marriage 101 and not a big deal.
OP, problem solved.
everyone else, feel free to go on ranting and preaching about pedophiles, MAGA and racism and Normal Rockwell all you like!