Husband compliments classically “good looking families” in public. How to make him stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think both things are really strange. Is he clueless? I would insist he stop.

+1

Is her aspergers and misses social cues and normaties?

I have two Aspies living with me, and they do not go out of their way to be racist. OP's husband has a big problem that goes beyond high-functioning autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does seem like he's racist in his characterization of what constitutes an American family. There are families everywhere, in all colors and shapes, so it's jarring that he's focusing only on the all white attractive young people. Your embarrassment at his forwardness belies your discomfort at his problematic views. This is more than his desire for grandchildren.

Can’t tell.

Can’t tell if this is OP’s implication or where they live or if she’s defining NR as “large families with lots of kids.”

Btw, NR art does not look like a Lily Pulitzer family photo day on Cape Cod. It’s pretty gritty and realistic inside look on raising a family in the 1950s. I believe he was based in Boston area? Where his museum is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eeww, this is so racist with echoes of Nazi focus on appearances and the perfect white family.

Op needs to clarify this.

Are they out and see families if all shapes, sizes and colors and he only compliments white famines? White families with daughters? White families with 3+ kids? All families? Only large families? Only young families?

Any pattern here Op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your problem with this? And what is a classically attractive family? Are we talking about race, gender, weight, clothing, what?

Use your words precisely. Don't leave us hanging and guessing.

He says like a Norman Rockwell painting; classically all-American. He thinks these days it’s so uncommon for attractive young people to have a bunch of kids that it is compliment-worthy when you see it. I think he’s yearning for more grandkids and this is his outlet. But it’s still a little forward, to me.

I think this is totally harmless and you should let him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Complementing guess it's okay, but picking up the tab? That's grade A weird.

+1 I have had a few people, both men and women, tell us what a great, attractive family we seem to have.

But, no one has paid our tab. That would be weird, and a bit creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP NEVER SAID that her husband only compliments white families. She sort of implied it but she did not confirm it.

Agree.

Also sounds like someone has tried to trash the definition and understanding of Normal Rockwell era paintings.

[Anonymous]

People generally like to be told that their kids are cute. This didn’t turn weird until you mentioned that he’ll pick up their check…because they’re good looking. That’s weird as hell. If he was picking up checks for young families because he remembers lean times when he was starting out, that would be nice. Why does he like to reward people for something that already conveys privilege and benefits no one else?

[Anonymous]

Where do you guys hang out? I’m white and like free food. Interested to see if my family passes the test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

Generally I think this is fine to do to families with young toddlers and under. It’s always a shock to see how little a newborn is or cute a 1 or 2 yo is once your kids are tweens and up.

You can certainly tell him if he’s doing this TOO often or too much.

Is something else at play here OP?
I have an absentee husband and father so I cringe when he repeats comments or info I made to him or compliments other parents, since the truth was and is he’s a lousy parent. Who likes to impress others and ignore his own kids and spouse.

Same here.
Am older and my husband was a workaholic never around and missed most of his children’s childhood and high school even through he was around. He just chose to be on his laptop 24/7 every game, vacation, weekend.

Thus I hate when he rolls out some cliche to an unknown family on the street about how great the little kid ages were, and how adorable their family looks. He’s such a hypocrite, and does not, to this day, take any responsibility for the lack of connection he has with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem like he's racist in his characterization of what constitutes an American family. There are families everywhere, in all colors and shapes, so it's jarring that he's focusing only on the all white attractive young people. Your embarrassment at his forwardness belies your discomfort at his problematic views. This is more than his desire for grandchildren.

Can’t tell.

Can’t tell if this is OP’s implication or where they live or if she’s defining NR as “large families with lots of kids.”

Btw, NR art does not look like a Lily Pulitzer family photo day on Cape Cod. It’s pretty gritty and realistic inside look on raising a family in the 1950s. I believe he was based in Boston area? Where his museum is?

NORMAN ROCKWELL IS THE EPITOME OF WHITE AUTHORITY. He was barred by his employer from depicting Black families (or other non-whites) unless in servile positions.

If you cannot recognize this, you have an enormous blind spot about the effects of segregation and Jim Crow on American art, and you should re-educate yourself.
As does OP's husband, apparently.

Nostalgia for the Norman Rockwell era smacks dangerously of Make America Great Again. No, it was only great for certain whites, not even all whites.

[Anonymous]

I think that OP was trolling the race-obsessed political crowd who like to read race into everything and it worked! well played op.

by the way, I too am a middle aged man and I give compliments like this from time to time, whether the family's race is the same as mine or different, and I have never had any reaction other than sincere and gracious thanks for the compliment. I don't typically pay for other family's meals, but that's just me. to each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you guys hang out? I’m white and like free food. Interested to see if my family passes the test.

Lol

[Anonymous]

We are one of those families and it doesn't make our day. DH and I actually talked about it once, and it is a tiny signal that the person might be superficial. Maybe we're all stupid or abuse cats or litter or are terrible friends or drive drunk or a thousand other things. Being pretty isn't everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anytime my husband sees a mother (and father) with two or more really cute young kids he compliments how cute the kids are or what an attractive family they are in passing. He thinks this is a great compliment and makes their day. I think it’s a bit weird. I agree with him that the families he goes out of his way to compliment are classically attractive but I think they obviously know that, so it goes without saying. And two, it is a bit strange and forward for a random older male to do this. Or maybe I’m wrong and it is some great compliment to randomly hear. Once in a while the compliment comes with him paying their meal tab or if they’re behind or in front us at say a shop, he will pick up their cheque.

Generally I think this is fine to do to families with young toddlers and under. It’s always a shock to see how little a newborn is or cute a 1 or 2 yo is once your kids are tweens and up.

You can certainly tell him if he’s doing this TOO often or too much.

Is something else at play here OP?
I have an absentee husband and father so I cringe when he repeats comments or info I made to him or compliments other parents, since the truth was and is he’s a lousy parent. Who likes to impress others and ignore his own kids and spouse.

Same here.
Am older and my husband was a workaholic never around and missed most of his children’s childhood and high school even through he was around. He just chose to be on his laptop 24/7 every game, vacation, weekend.

Thus I hate when he rolls out some cliche to an unknown family on the street about how great the little kid ages were, and how adorable their family looks. He’s such a hypocrite, and does not, to this day, take any responsibility for the lack of connection he has with the kids.

Ouch. Sorry to all.

[Anonymous]

I have daughters and I would think it mega creepy if an older man commented on the attractiveness of our family.