Husband wants to be more intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She had a traumatic birth three months ago and is now taking care of twins. Having sex with him once per week is more than the vast majority of new mothers are "putting out". It is totally unreasonable for him to expect more than this, even if she easily birthed one baby.

If there's no sex at the six month mark following one baby, then there's something to talk about. His concern should be his twin babies and the fact that his wife recently had a transfusion, ffs.

+1 and very high likelihood a guy who has 3 month old twins and has the energy to be a pest is not doing enough to help out. Is he doing nighttime feedings and changes? How much time is he responsible for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

She’s having sex once a week, I promise you she is already compromising.

This is true, but there may be more compromises to be made. We both made compromises at that time. It's not all or none. It should be talked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

You keep talking about intimacy, but what you really mean is getting off.
Learn what words mean or stop pretending that you cared about being intimate.

You should try being helpful and less bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Sorry your standards are so low for yourself (or your husband?).

Some of us have great husbands. OP, my husband was extremely hands on with the baby, did night parenting, and didn’t think of pressuring me for anything. We’ve been married for 15 years and going strong in all respects unlike some of the marriages you hear about on here. It’s in large part because he respects me and loves me unconditionally, not just as a convenient hole.

You’ve had a traumatic birth with twins. I hope you give yourself a break and don’t listen to some of the idiots. Truly hope they are trolls.

Sorry that after 15 years you think of your husband wanting it as being a "convenient hole." What an exciting marriage you must have. How stupid is using the excuse of having a baby to not have sex with your husband? So sex is supposed to come to a screeching halt because you gave birth? Your husband must either have ED, low testosterone, isn't turned on by you or is cheating.

Actually, yes, sex is supposed to stop after birth, for awhile. (That doesn't stop some men from raping their wives while they're still in the hospital though). And it's expected that a newborn will disrupt things for a few months at least. In this case, there are two. Normal men get this, and if they're frustrated by it, they shut up and use their hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

You're an idiot. She gave birth to twins last I read, she didn't sh^t two watermelons out of her ass. Also, giving birth to twins is amaaaaaazing, but it's not like sighting a unicorn. Keep telling this woman to take the time she needs and to tell her husband to chill and she'll be a single mama of twins in no time. As much as you weirdos on this site like to act like doling out sex to your husbands twice a year because he deserved after helping with the baby/mowing the lawn/buying you whatever you want is normal, it's not! MARRIAGES INCLUDE SEX!! I didn't make the rules. That's just what it is. Connecting with your husband sexually is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Y'all give out sex like kindergarten teachers hand out gold stars for good behavior and then come here and rant about needing a divorce and not being able to connect with your husbands. Well, duh!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

My husband is the one who did all the paperwork to get mine covered by insurance. He gets laid more than you do.

Doubt that, boo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so vulnerable (and downright weird) posting this, but I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends and family about it and I figured that a parenting site might be my best bet for insight. I had twins 3 months ago and after a fairly traumatic birth (e.g., among other things, I needed a blood transfusion), I don’t have the desire to be as intimate as my husband does. Before kids, we were intimate about twice/week and now it’s dropped to about half of that, but after we put the twins down at night every night he is all over me. I just feel totally touched out holding and feeding babies all day, but he feels rejected when I say no almost every night of the week since I’m too tired. His drive is way higher than it ever was for the 10+ years that we’ve been together since I gave birth. I guess I’m just wondering if this is normal and just a phase (either on his part or on mine)? And in case it’s helpful to know, we were not intimate much during pregnancy, so I’m wondering if that has something to do with his change in drive?

Anyway, in the event that this post isn’t too explicit to be deleted, thanks for any perspective!

if it’s once per week that’s within only 3 months of having twins, wow, I don’t think I was ready for anything after 3 months
he may be desiring you more than ever because of the gift of twins you got him, he’s just happy out of his skin, but he shouldn’t even dare to pout that you feel not in the mood, he may have just high drive from the feelings of love he has for you and the twins and he doesn’t know how to channel that or control it
or he could just be selfish, either way just do what you feel right, you feel horny go for it, you don’t tell him you can barely move let alone have shower before and after and give him more chores so he understands life it’s not just sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

You keep talking about intimacy, but what you really mean is getting off.
Learn what words mean or stop pretending that you cared about being intimate.

You should try being helpful and less bitter.

I have nothing to be bitter about.
But it would help people a lot to understand that intimacy and orgasm aren't the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is THE WORST place to get advice about this. Think about who might be responding here. Think about everyone in real life whose opinion you would never solicit and just couldn’t imagine caring about. These comments could be them! Think about the condescending coworkers or guy who always said he would be a millionaire but never moved out of his basement, or your cousin who loves Coors Light and uses phrases like “the lamestream media.”

Don’t listen to these commenters. They probably suck, and often people, men especially, are bitter about not getting sex as much as they wanted so they rage about it online.

Read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, or talk to a therapist as an individual.

You’re awesome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are healed now OP from birthing, I'd put out more to keep your husband happy. I know it's exhausting. Just tell him make it snappy.

Any man who will still have sex with his partner after she says some version of "I'll just lie here; make it quick" is trash.

I disagree. It's called compromise to meet each others needs in a marriage. His for sex, hers to get it over with as fast as possible so she can sleep. This isn't dating, not trying to make it most romantic passionate night ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

You're an idiot. She gave birth to twins last I read, she didn't sh^t two watermelons out of her ass. Also, giving birth to twins is amaaaaaazing, but it's not like sighting a unicorn. Keep telling this woman to take the time she needs and to tell her husband to chill and she'll be a single mama of twins in no time. As much as you weirdos on this site like to act like doling out sex to your husbands twice a year because he deserved after helping with the baby/mowing the lawn/buying you whatever you want is normal, it's not! MARRIAGES INCLUDE SEX!! I didn't make the rules. That's just what it is. Connecting with your husband sexually is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Y'all give out sex like kindergarten teachers hand out gold stars for good behavior and then come here and rant about needing a divorce and not being able to connect with your husbands. Well, duh!!

Sometimes I get irritated at comments that say that women should be having unpleasant sex twice a week so that their husbands don’t leave them, but then I read this and I’m reminded that the internet is just full of whackos who need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

You keep talking about intimacy, but what you really mean is getting off.
Learn what words mean or stop pretending that you cared about being intimate.

You should try being helpful and less bitter.

I have nothing to be bitter about.
But it would help people a lot to understand that intimacy and orgasm aren't the same thing.

To men they are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reject him for years, then when the kids are gone and he’s not interested, post here and everyone will tell you he’s gay.

says the sexless … sorry brainless … man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

now we all know how fast you can go, another man that just puts in and takes it out and that’s about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

You keep talking about intimacy, but what you really mean is getting off.
Learn what words mean or stop pretending that you cared about being intimate.

You should try being helpful and less bitter.

I have nothing to be bitter about.
But it would help people a lot to understand that intimacy and orgasm aren't the same thing.

If you read my post instead of going straight to attack mode, you would have seen where I addressed why I needed to be intimate. You chose to make it about orgasms. They are not the same thing to a man. If it helps make it more clear for you, I used my hand a lot to have orgasms during that time. I did not suffer from lack of orgasm. I still craved the intamacy of sex and I responded to the OP to give a man's perspective with a wife who was pretty damn awesome about it. With that, I'm done being sucked in.