Husband wants to be more intimate

[Anonymous]

I feel so vulnerable (and downright weird) posting this, but I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends and family about it and I figured that a parenting site might be my best bet for insight. I had twins 3 months ago and after a fairly traumatic birth (e.g., among other things, I needed a blood transfusion), I don’t have the desire to be as intimate as my husband does. Before kids, we were intimate about twice/week and now it’s dropped to about half of that, but after we put the twins down at night every night he is all over me. I just feel totally touched out holding and feeding babies all day, but he feels rejected when I say no almost every night of the week since I’m too tired. His drive is way higher than it ever was for the 10+ years that we’ve been together since I gave birth. I guess I’m just wondering if this is normal and just a phase (either on his part or on mine)? And in case it’s helpful to know, we were not intimate much during pregnancy, so I’m wondering if that has something to do with his change in drive?

Anyway, in the event that this post isn’t too explicit to be deleted, thanks for any perspective!

[Anonymous]

I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

I disagree with this. Her husband needs to understand what she’s going through right now: she recently had a traumatic and physically taxing labor/delivery that takes a lot of time to recover from, she is holding/feeding/doing physical care for twin newborns all day every day (and probably some in the night), she’s likely hormonal from all this, she’s likely sleep deprived. Her husband can take care of his own needs for awhile longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Once a week with three month old twins is AMAZING. I’m a very high drive woman (I was ready to go 2 days after giving birth) with one three months old baby and we’re also averaging once a week. Most nights were exhausted and just want to sleep.

If your H is pressuring you that much, it sounds like he’s not doing enough childcare. How much is he doing? How many feedings, diaper changes, etc? How often do you get to get out of the house alone? How often is he doing household chores and making dinner?

[Anonymous]

He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

[Anonymous]

Women usually connect through talking and men connect through sex. Your husband is probably feeling disconnected.

[Anonymous]

Just reject him for years, then when the kids are gone and he’s not interested, post here and everyone will tell you he’s gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

[Anonymous]

Figure out what you need that will help you put out more and do it. Better yet make him do it. Get a sitter, hotel, dinner reservations, an afternoon out by yourself, whatever you . Fi it out and make a plan together.

[Anonymous]

Next time he’s touching you say ok honey just make it as quick as possible and I’m not moving. You’ll see how little time and effort is really needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a week with three month old twins is AMAZING. I’m a very high drive woman (I was ready to go 2 days after giving birth) with one three months old baby and we’re also averaging once a week. Most nights were exhausted and just want to sleep.

If your H is pressuring you that much, it sounds like he’s not doing enough childcare. How much is he doing? How many feedings, diaper changes, etc? How often do you get to get out of the house alone? How often is he doing household chores and making dinner?

Same. My husband was too busy with and tired from sharing childcare duties for months, and we only had one baby.

[Anonymous]

Uh my sex drive plummeted for a year after the first baby. It was only after things calmed down that sex picked up. Your DH needs to be helping out with twins more. Twins! I am sorry.