Husband wants to be more intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a hall pass until you’re ready.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Youngest child is nine but we average 1x/6 weeks. I was ready to go within two weeks of each birth but DH is...different. That said, I think once a week unless both of you are extremely high-drive is excellent. The thing about men is that they want to know that things will improve. You should tell DH that in X amount of months, given sufficient household/childcare help, you will return to 2-3x/week of some form of intimacy. Marriages die when the high-drive partner is deprived for years and there is no prospect of ever having regular intimacy again. Limbo is the worst.

Wow, you're having sex less than 12 times a year??

Marriage counselors define a “sexless marriage” as fewer than 11 instances of coitus per year.

Fewer than ten. And it covers 20% of the married population. So 12 times isn’t even in the lower quartile for married people. Take a breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi this is OP! Thanks very much for the many responses to this thread (except for the really rude ones… no thanks to you). I talked to my husband this morning to try to understand if there’s a reason that he can pinpoint for his major increase in drive since I gave birth and he thinks that it’s because we don’t really get to spend any time together anymore so it’s an easy way to connect. By the way, we don’t live near friends or family since we just relocated, so we are going it completely alone with the twins and kind of drowning, TBH. It’s just unfortunate that my drive is WAY down right as his seems to be WAY up, and that’s actually why I posted—I was wondering if this is a common biological thing on either of our parts and whether I can expect things to calm down (or rev up, as it were haha). I promise that I’m not a dead fish now and he’s not a pervert or anything, we just have mismatched libidos at the moment and I don’t want anyone to feel badly, so I was wondering if this is a short phase or truly something to actively work through. I’ve decided to tackle it as if it’s the latter, but hope it’s the former. I think that there are ways to connect until I’m ready to be intimate more than once a week.

BTW, I’m on maternity leave and my husband works a really demanding job, but we split our leave and in about a month I’ll go back to my own very demanding job and he will care for the twins full-time. I’ve got a hunch that his drive will taper a bit in about a month’s time hahaha.

Again, thanks for the input!

OP, you sound like a reasonable person and good that you spoke to your husband. Please report back in a month and a half on what happens ince your husband starts to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Youngest child is nine but we average 1x/6 weeks. I was ready to go within two weeks of each birth but DH is...different. That said, I think once a week unless both of you are extremely high-drive is excellent. The thing about men is that they want to know that things will improve. You should tell DH that in X amount of months, given sufficient household/childcare help, you will return to 2-3x/week of some form of intimacy. Marriages die when the high-drive partner is deprived for years and there is no prospect of ever having regular intimacy again. Limbo is the worst.

Wow, you're having sex less than 12 times a year??

Marriage counselors define a “sexless marriage” as fewer than 11 instances of coitus per year.

Fewer than ten. And it covers 20% of the married population. So 12 times isn’t even in the lower quartile for married people. Take a breath.

Meh. 11 / year or fewer versus 10 or fewer. Rather trivial difference, don’t you agree?

Bigger issue is: a sexless marriage is a dysfunction and a problem for people under the age of 70.

If you are at once-a-month, that is straying close to the line, yeah?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Youngest child is nine but we average 1x/6 weeks. I was ready to go within two weeks of each birth but DH is...different. That said, I think once a week unless both of you are extremely high-drive is excellent. The thing about men is that they want to know that things will improve. You should tell DH that in X amount of months, given sufficient household/childcare help, you will return to 2-3x/week of some form of intimacy. Marriages die when the high-drive partner is deprived for years and there is no prospect of ever having regular intimacy again. Limbo is the worst.

Wow, you're having sex less than 12 times a year??

Marriage counselors define a “sexless marriage” as fewer than 11 instances of coitus per year.

I don’t give a $hi! how marriage counselors define a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage means no sex. 11 times a year after having twins are you insane??? And yes I have twins! good GOD people. Also if a woman wants to have tons of sex after having twins THATS FINE TOO but I spent the first 4 months breastfeeding around the clock and digging myself into a deep pit of insomnia and insanity. I don’t remember months 4 until mostly the present and now they’re starting middle school. I just can’t with you people.

Actually I am sure that many if not the majority of marriage counselors would say that even though a marriage might be technically sexless that doesn’t mean it’s actually something to fix. What if one partner physically can’t have sex because of an illness? Would all therapists recommend divorce or an affair?

Sometimes our spouses have problems and we have to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Youngest child is nine but we average 1x/6 weeks. I was ready to go within two weeks of each birth but DH is...different. That said, I think once a week unless both of you are extremely high-drive is excellent. The thing about men is that they want to know that things will improve. You should tell DH that in X amount of months, given sufficient household/childcare help, you will return to 2-3x/week of some form of intimacy. Marriages die when the high-drive partner is deprived for years and there is no prospect of ever having regular intimacy again. Limbo is the worst.

Wow, you're having sex less than 12 times a year??

Marriage counselors define a “sexless marriage” as fewer than 11 instances of coitus per year.

Fewer than ten. And it covers 20% of the married population. So 12 times isn’t even in the lower quartile for married people. Take a breath.

Meh. 11 / year or fewer versus 10 or fewer. Rather trivial difference, don’t you agree?

Bigger issue is: a sexless marriage is a dysfunction and a problem for people under the age of 70.

If you are at once-a-month, that is straying close to the line, yeah?

No, you’re 20% more sex than a sexless marriage at monthly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Youngest child is nine but we average 1x/6 weeks. I was ready to go within two weeks of each birth but DH is...different. That said, I think once a week unless both of you are extremely high-drive is excellent. The thing about men is that they want to know that things will improve. You should tell DH that in X amount of months, given sufficient household/childcare help, you will return to 2-3x/week of some form of intimacy. Marriages die when the high-drive partner is deprived for years and there is no prospect of ever having regular intimacy again. Limbo is the worst.

Wow, you're having sex less than 12 times a year??

Marriage counselors define a “sexless marriage” as fewer than 11 instances of coitus per year.

I don’t give a $hi! how marriage counselors define a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage means no sex. 11 times a year after having twins are you insane??? And yes I have twins! good GOD people. Also if a woman wants to have tons of sex after having twins THATS FINE TOO but I spent the first 4 months breastfeeding around the clock and digging myself into a deep pit of insomnia and insanity. I don’t remember months 4 until mostly the present and now they’re starting middle school. I just can’t with you people.

Given your generally hostile attitude toward the topic of intimacy, I pity your poor husband.

+10000

You do not sound the least bit open to an honest dialog on the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a hall pass until you’re ready.

Gross.

Adults don’t say stupid things like “hall pass.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a hall pass until you’re ready.

Gross.

Adults don’t say stupid things like “hall pass.”

If you’re so smart, What do they say…?

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read this whole thread but I’m speaking as a working mom of three who often feels “touched out” — just so fast and easy blow jobs a couple of
times a week. Avoids the whole intimacy issue but gets your husband off your back and removes the emotional baggage that arises with avoidance. Problem
Solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read this whole thread but I’m speaking as a working mom of three who often feels “touched out” — just so fast and easy blow jobs a couple of
times a week. Avoids the whole intimacy issue but gets your husband off your back and removes the emotional baggage that arises with avoidance. Problem
Solved!

This doesn’t work for everyone. Lots of guys take forever. Especially when they know their wife is avoiding actual intimacy.