Husband wants to be more intimate

[Anonymous]

This is THE WORST place to get advice about this. Think about who might be responding here. Think about everyone in real life whose opinion you would never solicit and just couldn’t imagine caring about. These comments could be them! Think about the condescending coworkers or guy who always said he would be a millionaire but never moved out of his basement, or your cousin who loves Coors Light and uses phrases like “the lamestream media.”

Don’t listen to these commenters. They probably suck, and often people, men especially, are bitter about not getting sex as much as they wanted so they rage about it online.

Read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, or talk to a therapist as an individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

+1 best thing for those kids is a strong marriage

What is it about unwanted sex that leads to a strong marriage?

Your husband won’t leave you for the secretary

There are no more secretaries since the 80s. Grandma boomer joined the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

+1 best thing for those kids is a strong marriage

What is it about unwanted sex that leads to a strong marriage?

Your husband won’t leave you for the secretary

There are no more secretaries since the 80s. Grandma boomer joined the thread.

21:44 here.

Another person whose advice you don’t want, PP! Old divorced male boomers. Please look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She had a traumatic birth three months ago and is now taking care of twins. Having sex with him once per week is more than the vast majority of new mothers are "putting out". It is totally unreasonable for him to expect more than this, even if she easily birthed one baby.

If there's no sex at the six month mark following one baby, then there's something to talk about. His concern should be his twin babies and the fact that his wife recently had a transfusion, ffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

+1 best thing for those kids is a strong marriage

What is it about unwanted sex that leads to a strong marriage?

Your husband won’t leave you for the secretary

If my H left for the secretary or cheated because we were having sex only once a week due to having 3 month old twins, she can have him. Any male who does that is worthless trash and their wife is way better off without them.

These pieces of garbage act like their fidelity is so precious but it’s not. If you can’t keep it in your pants for 6 days, you’re not a man, and you’re not worth having.

But my guess is they’re all selfish guys in sexless marriages who couldn’t get laid if they were paying for it. A secretary? LOL. They aren’t interested, honey.

ITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

How is a blow job for him a “compromise”? How about he eats out with no reciprocation. You know, as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

SING IT

This is the best and most visually spot on response I could ever have asked for. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am team put out. What exactly is wrong with your mouth performing? Your anus? How can you be that tired that you can not spend a couple minutes being intimate with your husband? You are consumed by your children but what about him? Where and when does he get attention and affection from you? If you want, tell him that he needs to be proactive in finding a babysitter once a week so you all can go to a hotel and have sex. Figure it out:

This has got to be trolling by some pathetic incel.

[Anonymous]

If you are healed now OP from birthing, I'd put out more to keep your husband happy. I know it's exhausting. Just tell him make it snappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are healed now OP from birthing, I'd put out more to keep your husband happy. I know it's exhausting. Just tell him make it snappy.

This is excellent advice for OP if she wants her sex drive to tank and her resentment levels to skyrocket. And it’ll be great for her husband if he later wants to be all irritated that his wife doesn’t enjoy sex like she used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are healed now OP from birthing, I'd put out more to keep your husband happy. I know it's exhausting. Just tell him make it snappy.

Any man who will still have sex with his partner after she says some version of "I'll just lie here; make it quick" is trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Sorry your standards are so low for yourself (or your husband?).

Some of us have great husbands. OP, my husband was extremely hands on with the baby, did night parenting, and didn’t think of pressuring me for anything. We’ve been married for 15 years and going strong in all respects unlike some of the marriages you hear about on here. It’s in large part because he respects me and loves me unconditionally, not just as a convenient hole.

You’ve had a traumatic birth with twins. I hope you give yourself a break and don’t listen to some of the idiots. Truly hope they are trolls.

Sorry that after 15 years you think of your husband wanting it as being a "convenient hole." What an exciting marriage you must have. How stupid is using the excuse of having a baby to not have sex with your husband? So sex is supposed to come to a screeching halt because you gave birth? Your husband must either have ED, low testosterone, isn't turned on by you or is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

She’s having sex once a week, I promise you she is already compromising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

You keep talking about intimacy, but what you really mean is getting off.
Learn what words mean or stop pretending that you cared about being intimate.