How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

Did you have umc track boys dating you in hs, college or in your twenties?

What are the types of guys you got from 16-30?

Lots of different types. I did go through a bad boy phase in college for a bit but I’ve dated the introverted nerdy guys as well.

So basically UMC-tracked boys did not date you and you yourself are not UMC-tracked?

I think that certain type of guys are UMC-tracked and good DH material. They also do not have a protector mentality and are attracted to low-drama, UMC-tracked, emotionally stable, mature, good looking and healthy girls. It may sound very vanilla but that's the truth.

Op does not sound like she grew up umc, otherwise she would also lean on her childhood or parental network as well.

Are you trying to jump up above your station op?

It's possible OP does not live where she grew up. You make it sound like all the UMC are inbred like the Royals.

No, but if you grew up in a tier 1 or 2 city in a umc setting, attend a university popular with your peers, even if you move to a completely new city far away you end up in similar social circles.

People who say grow up in Seattle, attend lakeside, go to vassar, then move to dc are not suddenly finding themselves completely lost and wondering where “their people” are.

But PP mentions parental and childhood networks which would be wherever she grew up which may not be where she currently lives, not current networks of friends or coworkers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s slim pickings after 30. My friends that married in their mid 30s even had dated for years before. Are you open to divorced dads or men with kids?

Thanks for the anecdote. The average age for a first time marriage in DC is 33.

Right, but what is the average age of when: 1. people under 40, 2. who have kids and a 3. house in an inner ring desirable neighborhood — meet their spouses for the first time?

As other posters are saying, this happens before 31 most of the time.

You're throwing in variables like kids and homeownership now. You can be UMC have no kids or ever want them and also never own a single family house. What exactly do you mean by desirable neighborhood? High median home price? Good public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s slim pickings after 30. My friends that married in their mid 30s even had dated for years before. Are you open to divorced dads or men with kids?

Thanks for the anecdote. The average age for a first time marriage in DC is 33.

Right, but what is the average age of when: 1. people under 40, 2. who have kids and a 3. house in an inner ring desirable neighborhood — meet their spouses for the first time?

As other posters are saying, this happens before 31 most of the time.

You're throwing in variables like kids and homeownership now. You can be UMC have no kids or ever want them and also never own a single family house. What exactly do you mean by desirable neighborhood? High median home price? Good public schools?

The variables are — let’s be honest — the desired “end states” of people like op . It is the end goal they are gunning for.

It is the reason why they are asking about a certain type or mold of partner — it’s to maximize their chances of obtaining a certain lifestyle/ life goals.

So it reasons to work backwards from the goal to see what the commonalities are of people in your generation that achieved the goal.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

Did you have umc track boys dating you in hs, college or in your twenties?

What are the types of guys you got from 16-30?

Lots of different types. I did go through a bad boy phase in college for a bit but I’ve dated the introverted nerdy guys as well.

So basically UMC-tracked boys did not date you and you yourself are not UMC-tracked?

I think that certain type of guys are UMC-tracked and good DH material. They also do not have a protector mentality and are attracted to low-drama, UMC-tracked, emotionally stable, mature, good looking and healthy girls. It may sound very vanilla but that's the truth.

Op does not sound like she grew up umc, otherwise she would also lean on her childhood or parental network as well.

Are you trying to jump up above your station op?

It's possible OP does not live where she grew up. You make it sound like all the UMC are inbred like the Royals.

No, but if you grew up in a tier 1 or 2 city in a umc setting, attend a university popular with your peers, even if you move to a completely new city far away you end up in similar social circles.

People who say grow up in Seattle, attend lakeside, go to vassar, then move to dc are not suddenly finding themselves completely lost and wondering where “their people” are.

But PP mentions parental and childhood networks which would be wherever she grew up which may not be where she currently lives, not current networks of friends or coworkers.

Parental and childhood networks are relevant because if you are “a catch” when you go back home for the holidays, your family and friends will try to set you up with eligible peers even if they are in a different tier 1/2 city.

In 2021 dating is geographically broad but narrow in class. It’s the opposite of even as late as the 90s.

[Anonymous]

I find it amusing that there is a thread below this where the poster is 29 and single and you all are telling her she is young, while the OP here at 31 is too old. So, there is only a 2 year decent dating time band? Don’t tell the 29 year old about this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were hot and very desirable, the guys would find you.

I’m from ny and went to school in Boston. I met guys everywhere - standing outside, grocery store, bars, elevators, work, friends of friends, etc.

I met my DH at a conference I attended. He didn’t actually attend the conference. He was just meeting an old friend.

I missed the whole dating app scene. I can’t help but think that good old fashioned meeting in real life is better.

I have 3 kids. Youngest is a girl. She knows so many boys already. I was just telling DH she will have so many good dating/marrying options.

Not so true anymore. Everyone has their face buried in their phone at all times IRL now. God forbid you don’t look “busy” doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s slim pickings after 30. My friends that married in their mid 30s even had dated for years before. Are you open to divorced dads or men with kids?

She’s way too young to complicate her life by stating divorce dads. Don’t listen to this person. Focus on men who do not have kids

[Anonymous]

I feel like OP is glossing over something here. I was a conventionally attractive educated and single 31 year old dating in DC and the world was my oyster. Where did I NOT meet decent UMC guys?! Are you running in some odd circles or something or very unattractive? People always wanted to set me up and it wasn't odd at all to be single at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that there is a thread below this where the poster is 29 and single and you all are telling her she is young, while the OP here at 31 is too old. So, there is only a 2 year decent dating time band? Don’t tell the 29 year old about this thread.

I think a lot of it is a lot of eligible guys with options straight up just put 18-29 as a filter.

It’s like the difference between a real 5’10 guy and a real 6’ guy

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

I hear you.

The harsh truth is that you are going to have to broaden (note I did not say lower, I said BROADEN) your standards to include men that might not be your initial “type.” There are plenty of mature men, 25-45, with jobs and careers, dating with the intention of finding a partner to start a family with. These might include, however, men with:

Dadbods or super skinny
Under 5’9
Weird facial hair or tattoos
A different race/ethnicity/religion/nationality than you
Different political views than you
More introverted; less charismatic or outgoing
Might not live in your exact neighborhood


You are going to have to give more different kinds of people a chance. The fact is that there are more educated and eligible women than men.

Also, divorced and/or with kids.

Don’t do it! Blended families suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

Did you have umc track boys dating you in hs, college or in your twenties?

What are the types of guys you got from 16-30?

Lots of different types. I did go through a bad boy phase in college for a bit but I’ve dated the introverted nerdy guys as well.

So basically UMC-tracked boys did not date you and you yourself are not UMC-tracked?

I think that certain type of guys are UMC-tracked and good DH material. They also do not have a protector mentality and are attracted to low-drama, UMC-tracked, emotionally stable, mature, good looking and healthy girls. It may sound very vanilla but that's the truth.

What the f**k is UMC-tracked? I grew up in a UMC family. My siblings and I are all UMC as well. It's the upbringing and education that brought that about. If your were UMC growing up, you'll probably be UMC as well.

Posters are asking if OP’s upbringing is like yours or is she asking for something above her level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

Did you have umc track boys dating you in hs, college or in your twenties?

What are the types of guys you got from 16-30?

Lots of different types. I did go through a bad boy phase in college for a bit but I’ve dated the introverted nerdy guys as well.

So basically UMC-tracked boys did not date you and you yourself are not UMC-tracked?

I think that certain type of guys are UMC-tracked and good DH material. They also do not have a protector mentality and are attracted to low-drama, UMC-tracked, emotionally stable, mature, good looking and healthy girls. It may sound very vanilla but that's the truth.

Op does not sound like she grew up umc, otherwise she would also lean on her childhood or parental network as well.

Are you trying to jump up above your station op?

It's possible OP does not live where she grew up. You make it sound like all the UMC are inbred like the Royals.

No, but if you grew up in a tier 1 or 2 city in a umc setting, attend a university popular with your peers, even if you move to a completely new city far away you end up in similar social circles.

People who say grow up in Seattle, attend lakeside, go to vassar, then move to dc are not suddenly finding themselves completely lost and wondering where “their people” are.

But PP mentions parental and childhood networks which would be wherever she grew up which may not be where she currently lives, not current networks of friends or coworkers.

Parental and childhood networks are relevant because if you are “a catch” when you go back home for the holidays, your family and friends will try to set you up with eligible peers even if they are in a different tier 1/2 city.

In 2021 dating is geographically broad but narrow in class. It’s the opposite of even as late as the 90s.

Do you really think that desirable men want to date someone a flight of 4 hour drive away and not have regular sex just because Aunt Larla can vouch for their background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Water seeks its own level. Maybe be umc and educated yourself?

+1. Initially sound harsh. But it’s true. If she were truly UMC they’d find each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

Did you have umc track boys dating you in hs, college or in your twenties?

What are the types of guys you got from 16-30?

Lots of different types. I did go through a bad boy phase in college for a bit but I’ve dated the introverted nerdy guys as well.

So basically UMC-tracked boys did not date you and you yourself are not UMC-tracked?

I think that certain type of guys are UMC-tracked and good DH material. They also do not have a protector mentality and are attracted to low-drama, UMC-tracked, emotionally stable, mature, good looking and healthy girls. It may sound very vanilla but that's the truth.

What the f**k is UMC-tracked? I grew up in a UMC family. My siblings and I are all UMC as well. It's the upbringing and education that brought that about. If your were UMC growing up, you'll probably be UMC as well.

It's the biggest predictor, but probably is a stretch. It doesn't take much to slip down to middle class.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I dont know either. I'm a very attractive woman, early 30s, hang out in upscale places, live in an upscale building, and I have a super hard time meeting eligible men. I think p*rn and video games have done a number on men and so many young guys are just... losers.

I'm gonna date for a few more years and possible find a sp**m donor, or else pick up some hot young guy and make him into a househusband, lol. It's not ideal but it is what it is. If you look at the statistics you can see birth rates are plummeting, marriage rates are falling, etc. Men arent going to college or getting jobs.

So either you get lucky and find a man youre compatible with or I guess you do things alone. I'm also open to dating men from other cultures (specifically european or east asian, because that's what I'm attracted to) who seem much more marriage minded.

it's mostly a waste of time in the USA, and I think you see higher numbers of male virgins and incels than ever before. It's just a disaster for men out there.

So I think a lot more women will just raise kids on their own. Theyve been doing it in the black community for a long time. I think that will start spreading across all demographics, and oh well. It's really not that awful when you think about it. I'm mentally and financially prepared to have and raise kids if that's what happens. C'est la vie!