How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only somewhat related.... Amazon how hard women work to snag and marry an attractive, successful UMC man and then how little they do to keep them satisfied after they marry and have kids with them.

Not that hard to snag one away, women get complacent

I didn’t work hard at all. They quite literally fell into my lap from ages 25-32 (post-breakup with college boyfriend) and then I picked the next one to marry at 33. All Ivy educated with grad degrees, all 1%+ earners - I loved spending time with them and being wined and dined.

All in all, three long-term relationships, a number of lighter dalliances, and 4-5 six month or so relationships. Honestly maybe I should start a workshop series; there seems to be quite the demand for these counseling services and plenty of bad advice going around.

But fundamentally, yes, agree with you PP that there should be more of a focus on what the marriage means before vows are said, not just one’s wedding table settings. Dating around and experiencing different charming and brilliant men in my twenties and early thirties helped me figure out what was important- both in terms of what I prioritized in a partner, but also how I could bring my best self to the relationship.

Early thirties is prime time for putting lessons into practice and finding a thoughtful, wonderful partner who knows what he wants as much as you do. Maybe not in Indiana, but most certainly in NYC, DC, LA, etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

+1. We won't even hire wharton losers.

That’s because none of them live or work in DC, policy brah.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

+1. We won't even hire wharton losers.

That’s because none of them live or work in DC, policy brah.

Are you 'bragging' that Wharton can't place any of its grads in the leadership of this country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what are you like? How old are you? Where do you live?

I’m 31F, white, fit, living in DC working as a fed.

This isn't a personality. This may be part of your problem your profile is blah and not attracting what you want.

Lots of people derailing this thread. But here it is. Your description of yourself doesn’t really tell us who you are. It’s a generic description of women in the DMV. What are your hobbies? What do you like/dislike? What TV shows/movies/music/books do you gravitate to? Figure out yourself and then dive into those activities. You’ll most likely find someone through being your best self. I met my husband at your age through friends. You’ll be fine! You’re still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only somewhat related.... Amazon how hard women work to snag and marry an attractive, successful UMC man and then how little they do to keep them satisfied after they marry and have kids with them.

Not that hard to snag one away, women get complacent

I didn’t work hard at all. They quite literally fell into my lap from ages 25-32 (post-breakup with college boyfriend) and then I picked the next one to marry at 33. All Ivy educated with grad degrees, all 1%+ earners - I loved spending time with them and being wined and dined.

All in all, three long-term relationships, a number of lighter dalliances, and 4-5 six month or so relationships. Honestly maybe I should start a workshop series; there seems to be quite the demand for these counseling services and plenty of bad advice going around.

But fundamentally, yes, agree with you PP that there should be more of a focus on what the marriage means before vows are said, not just one’s wedding table settings. Dating around and experiencing different charming and brilliant men in my twenties and early thirties helped me figure out what was important- both in terms of what I prioritized in a partner, but also how I could bring my best self to the relationship.

Early thirties is prime time for putting lessons into practice and finding a thoughtful, wonderful partner who knows what he wants as much as you do. Maybe not in Indiana, but most certainly in NYC, DC, LA, etc.

Wow what are you like?

[Anonymous]

You say you are fit. Do you wear cute clothes to highlight this? A little makeup and jewelry? Do you flirt easily? When I was in my early 30s I had no problem attracting men. Do your friends know to introduce you to their single male friends? Do you go to parties? (Do single people still have big rooftop parties like they used to?) Those were always good places to get dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have advised my single DD (early 20s) to build her career and education first and also pay attention to grooming and fitness. The truth is that after college or grad school, it is very hard to meet people who are your age and similar in SES and education to you.

If you are out of that stage then you need to have a plan. Just like the AA poster did. Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts. Finally, here is the advice I gave to my DD - freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman. My DD knows that when she turns 25, I will also start looking for "suitable boys" for her and she will have to at least meet them once. Arranged marriages are common in our culture but I won't expect my DD to accept that completely. She can continue to date etc, but she knows that her parents will also be looking at prospective grooms and they will be in the mix of people she will date. I don't expect her to marry before 28 and I certainly don't think she should have kids until she is in her 30s even if she is married. But without a plan she will just flounder around. I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.

This isn’t great advice for a 30+ Basic white woman.

Not really..

This is great advice when you are 18 and headed to college. But once you are well past college age and into your 30s there isn’t anything helpful here being said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you are fit. Do you wear cute clothes to highlight this? A little makeup and jewelry? Do you flirt easily? When I was in my early 30s I had no problem attracting men. Do your friends know to introduce you to their single male friends? Do you go to parties? (Do single people still have big rooftop parties like they used to?) Those were always good places to get dates.

I don’t think that many people have single male friends in their 30s. I’m married in my 30s (to a high earning man) and can’t think of any single man in their 30s or 40s that we know..not one.

Anyway- OP the best way to meet these men is either online or work in the same environment/setting/field they are in. Those are the most likely places by far.

[Anonymous]

Go to a top college, go to a top graduate school, and work in places that recruit from these schools. You will find yourself surrounded by similar. All the sociological data show that high SES tend to marry similarly educated and employed people.

[Anonymous]

Hang out at the bar in a nice restaurant on a weeknight after work (NOT a hotel bar). Order dinner and a drink, smile and make eye contact with any attractive men you see. Don't be glued to your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a top college, go to a top graduate school, and work in places that recruit from these schools. You will find yourself surrounded by similar. All the sociological data show that high SES tend to marry similarly educated and employed people.

OP is over 30…next?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you UMC yourself?