How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have advised my single DD (early 20s) to build her career and education first and also pay attention to grooming and fitness. The truth is that after college or grad school, it is very hard to meet people who are your age and similar in SES and education to you.

If you are out of that stage then you need to have a plan. Just like the AA poster did. Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts. Finally, here is the advice I gave to my DD - freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman. My DD knows that when she turns 25, I will also start looking for "suitable boys" for her and she will have to at least meet them once. Arranged marriages are common in our culture but I won't expect my DD to accept that completely. She can continue to date etc, but she knows that her parents will also be looking at prospective grooms and they will be in the mix of people she will date. I don't expect her to marry before 28 and I certainly don't think she should have kids until she is in her 30s even if she is married. But without a plan she will just flounder around. I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.

This isn’t great advice for a 30+ Basic white woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

And Princeton is light years ahead of Vanderbilt in… well… everything! Sucks to come in last, huh? What a loser!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My comment got jumbled up in replies, here it is. I commented on poster who told OP to pivot to men with good but not UMC jobs:

This is excellent advice and it’s exactly what I did as a single 30 year old in DC a few years ago. The white collar professional guys kept rejecting me so I married a man who works in IT but who I could tell had potential (we are both immigrants but he was much more recent). I married him and he has more than doubled his salary. You need to settle OP. Your friends won’t tell you this, mine sure didn’t, but I knew the truth and telling myself that the doctors and engineers who didn’t go for me didn’t represent anything would have been incredibly short sighted on my part.

This is great advice. Indian PP here as well. I, too, wanted to marry the UMC doctor or lawyer with the Princeton degree. For some reason, they never showed interest in dating me even though I went to college and high school with guys like that. I was an immigrant and perhaps did not fit what they wanted in a wife ( even though plenty of Indian women marry guys like that- white or Indian). My husband is more of a creative, entrepreneur type even though he also has 2 degrees from Georgetown. He ended up starting a consulting business and is doing very well.

Sometimes broadening what you are looking for helps. Think of Charlotte from SATC.

AA PP and I think this will be critical for Op. (I suspect she’s here reading but not posting). I think you have to be super honest with yourself about what is and what is not working. I’ve seen too many women bang their heads against the wall trying to date the Alpha male who was out of their league. Self reflection is critical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

And Princeton is light years ahead of Vanderbilt in… well… everything! Sucks to come in last, huh? What a loser!

I hurt you. I win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

And Princeton is light years ahead of Vanderbilt in… well… everything! Sucks to come in last, huh? What a loser!

I hurt you. I win.

In no way, baby. You took a major L from multiple sides. Sucks to suck. But it was fun to watch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

Duke is not better than Wharton.

-Harvard grad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have advised my single DD (early 20s) to build her career and education first and also pay attention to grooming and fitness. The truth is that after college or grad school, it is very hard to meet people who are your age and similar in SES and education to you.

If you are out of that stage then you need to have a plan. Just like the AA poster did. Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts. Finally, here is the advice I gave to my DD - freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman. My DD knows that when she turns 25, I will also start looking for "suitable boys" for her and she will have to at least meet them once. Arranged marriages are common in our culture but I won't expect my DD to accept that completely. She can continue to date etc, but she knows that her parents will also be looking at prospective grooms and they will be in the mix of people she will date. I don't expect her to marry before 28 and I certainly don't think she should have kids until she is in her 30s even if she is married. But without a plan she will just flounder around. I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.

This isn’t great advice for a 30+ Basic white woman.

Actually most of it is wonderful advice for loads of people. Basic or not. 20s, 30s or older women. Any ethnicity or race. UMC or any class.

- Build career and education first
- Pay attention to grooming and fitness
(This puts you on the path to being economically independent on your own. Man is not the plan for climbing the wealth ladder)

- Have a plan.
- Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts
(You don't waste your time with the bad boys. Marry someone who shares the same goals. Date with the goal to be looking for a life partner. If you just want to hook up, you will get men who are jerks)

- freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman
(Better to be a single mom than to be married to a jerk)

- I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.
(Use all avenues for your search for a good person to marry. Date extensively and keep an open mind.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have advised my single DD (early 20s) to build her career and education first and also pay attention to grooming and fitness. The truth is that after college or grad school, it is very hard to meet people who are your age and similar in SES and education to you.

If you are out of that stage then you need to have a plan. Just like the AA poster did. Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts. Finally, here is the advice I gave to my DD - freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman. My DD knows that when she turns 25, I will also start looking for "suitable boys" for her and she will have to at least meet them once. Arranged marriages are common in our culture but I won't expect my DD to accept that completely. She can continue to date etc, but she knows that her parents will also be looking at prospective grooms and they will be in the mix of people she will date. I don't expect her to marry before 28 and I certainly don't think she should have kids until she is in her 30s even if she is married. But without a plan she will just flounder around. I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.

This isn’t great advice for a 30+ Basic white woman.

Actually most of it is wonderful advice for loads of people. Basic or not. 20s, 30s or older women. Any ethnicity or race. UMC or any class.

- Build career and education first
- Pay attention to grooming and fitness
(This puts you on the path to being economically independent on your own. Man is not the plan for climbing the wealth ladder)

- Have a plan.
- Do the meetups, show up for stuff, connect with your friends and professional contacts
(You don't waste your time with the bad boys. Marry someone who shares the same goals. Date with the goal to be looking for a life partner. If you just want to hook up, you will get men who are jerks)

- freeze your eggs at some point...so that you are not desperate and can actually have your kids as a successful single woman
(Better to be a single mom than to be married to a jerk)

- I see too many people going via Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, shaadi.com etc. So frankly, mom and dad also looking for good matches is not terrible idea.
(Use all avenues for your search for a good person to marry. Date extensively and keep an open mind.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ who goes to church anymore? Not young solo single men. It’s either conservative families or elderly

That’s what you think -the Annapolis churches are full of Naval Academy grads and career Navy that are single and well-adjusted and handsome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not “broaden” your standards to divorced dads/never married dads— you are setting your kids up for financial second-place before they’re even born. Remember the child support doesn’t change when you start your family.

Easiest source of what you’ve said you’re looking for is defense and IT contractors. You will have some conservative leaning men if you go defense route, some potential social awkwardness if IT so pick your poison in terms of dating pool. Otherwise start an MBA program that’s reasonably prestigious they’re full of men...

You people are weird -you cannot just pick what profession the future love of your life will have -you love you love!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not “broaden” your standards to divorced dads/never married dads— you are setting your kids up for financial second-place before they’re even born. Remember the child support doesn’t change when you start your family.

Easiest source of what you’ve said you’re looking for is defense and IT contractors. You will have some conservative leaning men if you go defense route, some potential social awkwardness if IT so pick your poison in terms of dating pool. Otherwise start an MBA program that’s reasonably prestigious they’re full of men...

You people are weird -you cannot just pick what profession the future love of your life will have -you love you love!

I think pp is suggesting what vocation pools will have a higher propensity of targets for op that fit her criteria and that big law/high finance/lobbying/surgeon mover shakers are probably out of her league if she is adamant about the other “must haves” she wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not “broaden” your standards to divorced dads/never married dads— you are setting your kids up for financial second-place before they’re even born. Remember the child support doesn’t change when you start your family.

Easiest source of what you’ve said you’re looking for is defense and IT contractors. You will have some conservative leaning men if you go defense route, some potential social awkwardness if IT so pick your poison in terms of dating pool. Otherwise start an MBA program that’s reasonably prestigious they’re full of men...

You people are weird -you cannot just pick what profession the future love of your life will have -you love you love!

That is not an accurate representation of 99% of the rest of churches

[Anonymous]

Only somewhat related.... Amazon how hard women work to snag and marry an attractive, successful UMC man and then how little they do to keep them satisfied after they marry and have kids with them.

Not that hard to snag one away, women get complacent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.

I’m a 33 year old engaged, thin, pretty white woman working in finance. Undergrad at Princeton followed by Wharton MBA. My DH is a big law lawyer. I’ve heard this term thrown around everywhere. For at least the past three years. Maybe you need to read more?

Couldn't get in to Duke, huh?

Omg, delusional Vanderbilt PP, just stop! No one on this planet thinks Vanderbilt (or duke) is better than Princeton. Give it up. You lost at the game you started. Go lick your wounds in private before you make Vanderbilt look even worse than you already have

OMG indeed. Duke is light years ahead of Wharton for MBAs. I presume that's what the PP was inferring. Sucks to be you. Dumb is hard I bet.

+1. We won't even hire wharton losers.