How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had pretty good luck by getting a membership at a very pricy gym. You don’t want an old people gym, check out a few and find the one with the best men. Was totally worth the extra $150/month for me

PP, where did you decide to join?

This was over 10 years ago, they’ve since closed down. I also used to drive REALLY far to get there, ha. Could take up to an hour in traffic. But totally worth it for the men.

A lot has changed in the last decade.

Not the gym, never the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

I hear you.

The harsh truth is that you are going to have to broaden (note I did not say lower, I said BROADEN) your standards to include men that might not be your initial “type.” There are plenty of mature men, 25-45, with jobs and careers, dating with the intention of finding a partner to start a family with. These might include, however, men with:

Dadbods or super skinny
Under 5’9
Weird facial hair or tattoos
A different race/ethnicity/religion/nationality than you
Different political views than you
More introverted; less charismatic or outgoing
Might not live in your exact neighborhood


You are going to have to give more different kinds of people a chance. The fact is that there are more educated and eligible women than men.

White men are a dead end/time wasters IMO. Immigrant men from cultures that prioritize marriage are dating to get married, not to fool around. Of course you're going to need to find someone who isn't totally culturally incompatible but it can be done.

As a white woman I find this more true in theory than in reality. A lot of white men are dead end time wasters but I feel like I get a read on them better. Immigrant men, nonwhite men of very different cultural backgrounds, I'd be open to date and marry but I have trouble understanding whether they take me seriously or not. I've had too many experiences in my early 20s with immigrant/men of color assuming that white American women are for sex and nonserious relationships while they would ultimately marry "their own." This has unfortunately conditioned me to being skeptical of men of other cultural backgrounds and whether they are sincere and would consider a white american woman for marriage. This is probably racist and problematic in some way but it's unfortunately how it's turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At work or friends of friends from college.

No. Just, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend swears that trade show are the place to meet men. She met her current boyfriend at a coin/numismatic trade show. She isn't into coins. But they all have disposable income and are generally educated or at least have a hobby.

That’s not a tradeshow, that’s a hobby show. Tradeshows are different though they can also be places to meet others if you work in sales

[Anonymous]

I have the same problem. Im shy and do not know any UMC guys in my circle. Online I meet only fat and broke losers who can’t even spell.

[Anonymous]

If you were hot and very desirable, the guys would find you.

I’m from ny and went to school in Boston. I met guys everywhere - standing outside, grocery store, bars, elevators, work, friends of friends, etc.

I met my DH at a conference I attended. He didn’t actually attend the conference. He was just meeting an old friend.

I missed the whole dating app scene. I can’t help but think that good old fashioned meeting in real life is better.

I have 3 kids. Youngest is a girl. She knows so many boys already. I was just telling DH she will have so many good dating/marrying options.

[Anonymous]

UMC man here, 41 and married so I am off the market but I met lots of women at the gym, coffee shops, work, etc. I wasn't pushy but wasn't afraid to approach attractive women. Has it really changed that much since I was single?!? How are people supposed to meet each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were hot and very desirable, the guys would find you.

I’m from ny and went to school in Boston. I met guys everywhere - standing outside, grocery store, bars, elevators, work, friends of friends, etc.

I met my DH at a conference I attended. He didn’t actually attend the conference. He was just meeting an old friend.

I missed the whole dating app scene. I can’t help but think that good old fashioned meeting in real life is better.

I have 3 kids. Youngest is a girl. She knows so many boys already. I was just telling DH she will have so many good dating/marrying options.

Vapid. So very vapid.

[Anonymous]

I found my PhD, Fed Engineer, sweet, reliable, funny caring now husband online. They are there. Is your profile interesting?

[Anonymous]

I think it is your age.

I met my DH when I was 24. We were married in late 20s and had our first kid at 30.

A lot of men your age are already taken.

My BIL is 32. I know he put his dating age as 18-29. He thinks anyone in their 30s are desperate to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

What’s your definition of UMC?

[Anonymous]

College/university
Work
Friends
Family friends

I think it matters who you hang out with. If your friends are all UMC, they should have brothers, friends and cousins. The friends would have to think highly of you to want to set you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

What’s your definition of UMC?

OP here, I would say someone with a grad degree making at least around what a GS-15 makes. I know that might be a bit low here but I am planning on continuing to work so we'd have two incomes.

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, I’m 33 and have been dating tons of UMC guys from apps. Mostly above 5’9 and attractive. I haven’t had any hookups yet. What do your profile pictures look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

I hear you.

The harsh truth is that you are going to have to broaden (note I did not say lower, I said BROADEN) your standards to include men that might not be your initial “type.” There are plenty of mature men, 25-45, with jobs and careers, dating with the intention of finding a partner to start a family with. These might include, however, men with:

Dadbods or super skinny
Under 5’9
Weird facial hair or tattoos
A different race/ethnicity/religion/nationality than you
Different political views than you
More introverted; less charismatic or outgoing
Might not live in your exact neighborhood


You are going to have to give more different kinds of people a chance. The fact is that there are more educated and eligible women than men.

White men are a dead end/time wasters IMO. Immigrant men from cultures that prioritize marriage are dating to get married, not to fool around. Of course you're going to need to find someone who isn't totally culturally incompatible but it can be done.

As a white woman I find this more true in theory than in reality. A lot of white men are dead end time wasters but I feel like I get a read on them better. Immigrant men, nonwhite men of very different cultural backgrounds, I'd be open to date and marry but I have trouble understanding whether they take me seriously or not. I've had too many experiences in my early 20s with immigrant/men of color assuming that white American women are for sex and nonserious relationships while they would ultimately marry "their own." This has unfortunately conditioned me to being skeptical of men of other cultural backgrounds and whether they are sincere and would consider a white american woman for marriage. This is probably racist and problematic in some way but it's unfortunately how it's turned out.

I know so many white women married to people of color. White men also marry outside their race.

I would say it is easiest to date as a white woman. You are sought after by all races.