Would you be okay with your wife visiting her male best friend

[Anonymous]

A trip like this doesn't necessary start off as a plan to cheat, but the vacation relaxation away from stresses of "normal life" and close proximity to someone known and trusted can create an opportunity to act in a way that she wouldn't normally.

All the rigid thinkers on here will parrot the "either a cheater, or isn't" black:white dichotomy but life is obviously more complicated than that. Someone who would never be unfaithful may make a mistake if all stars are aligned (especially when you throw alcohol into that mix). Even if she doesn't cheat on the trip - she may come back mad and resentful at you knowing she could have cheated... just take the time off and go with her and make it a nice family vacation where she gets to hang out with her dude friend but comes home to your bed every night.

Don't say any of this to her. Just say you are coming too. If she says she doesn't want you to - then you have a real problem....

[Anonymous]

Hey OP. Do you have a female best friend? And do you go on vacation alone with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. Do you have a female best friend? And do you go on vacation alone with her? [/quote

Anxiously waiting to hear your response for this one!

[Anonymous]

No. Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. Do you have a female best friend? And do you go on vacation alone with her?

No. If I did I probably wouldn't be asking this question. In general, I have no reason to suspect she is unfaithful. I'd say things in our marriage are pretty good. This is just bothering me. He has some out this way twice, once while we were dating and for our wedding. He didn't stay with us either time. He lives out west and she wants to do some site seeing out there and wants to go now. I cannot go because of my vacation hours already being blocked off for a family trip we're taking later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, surprised so many "no" responses.

Sure, I would be ok with it. If she is going to cheat, she will do it at some point

+1. Sounds like there are a lot of fragile marriages here. Do you trust her or not? Sounds like a "no" for OP.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, surprised so many "no" responses.

Sure, I would be ok with it. If she is going to cheat, she will do it at some point

+1. Sounds like there are a lot of fragile marriages here. Do you trust her or not? Sounds like a "no" for OP.

+2

I could never live with being constantly suspicious of my spouse. If he cheats, then he cheats and the trust is broken but it’s his job not to cheat, not my job to run around trying to stop him. Dcum always jumps to cheating as though everyone would obviously do this. Lots of sad marriages:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, surprised so many "no" responses.

Sure, I would be ok with it. If she is going to cheat, she will do it at some point

+1. Sounds like there are a lot of fragile marriages here. Do you trust her or not? Sounds like a "no" for OP.

+2

I could never live with being constantly suspicious of my spouse. If he cheats, then he cheats and the trust is broken but it’s his job not to cheat, not my job to run around trying to stop him. Dcum always jumps to cheating as though everyone would obviously do this. Lots of sad marriages:

It's both of your jobs to protect your marriage and recognize situations that may not be beneficial or the appearance of situations that may not be beneficial. That's not babysitting and that does not make your marriage sad.


what's sad is you cant tell your spouse when something makes you uncomfortable because of "trust".

[Anonymous]

I tell from experience, please dont.

I used to visit a male friend of mine from childhood and used to go to concerts. DH not at all interested in concerts. I ended up having an affair with my friend. I stopped going to concerts with him to stop the affair. DH does not know about this and occasionally asks why I lost interest in going to concerts.

It is like putting candy next to a kid and telling them not to eat. You just dont need that temptation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, surprised so many "no" responses.

Sure, I would be ok with it. If she is going to cheat, she will do it at some point

+1. Sounds like there are a lot of fragile marriages here. Do you trust her or not? Sounds like a "no" for OP.

+2

I could never live with being constantly suspicious of my spouse. If he cheats, then he cheats and the trust is broken but it’s his job not to cheat, not my job to run around trying to stop him. Dcum always jumps to cheating as though everyone would obviously do this. Lots of sad marriages:

Cheating is 100% about opportunity. Don’t fool yourself. Add in alcohol (or weed) and vacation or trip alone with opposite sex and even people that would never do something, often do cheat.

Smart, pro-active people never put themselves in a situation where that possibility exists. I had a guy when we lived in Barcelona that was part of our International friend group that had an obvious heavy crush on me. When my spouse had to go out of town for the weekend, this guy heavily pressured me into coming and hanging out with him and his equally gorgeous friends. I lied and said I was going somewhere for the weekend. My spouse also will not put himself in situations alone with women overnight, etc. That might mean going back to the hotel room alone instead of hanging out with the female co-worker drinking post-dinner.

It’s not policing your spouse. It’s being considerate and aware and policing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell from experience, please dont.

I used to visit a male friend of mine from childhood and used to go to concerts. DH not at all interested in concerts. I ended up having an affair with my friend. I stopped going to concerts with him to stop the affair. DH does not know about this and occasionally asks why I lost interest in going to concerts.

It is like putting candy next to a kid and telling them not to eat. You just dont need that temptation.

Friend did this. She always went out without spouse with guy friends. She slept with many of them. She eventually moved on to Ashley Madison when he got suspicious of these outings.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are split on this. I said I’d be fine with it (I trust him fully and figure if he cheats that’s on him) he would not be ok with it since he perceives guys to be more aggressive in making moves and couldn’t fully trust the hypothetical guy friend I was with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, surprised so many "no" responses.

Sure, I would be ok with it. If she is going to cheat, she will do it at some point

+1. Sounds like there are a lot of fragile marriages here. Do you trust her or not? Sounds like a "no" for OP.

+2

I could never live with being constantly suspicious of my spouse. If he cheats, then he cheats and the trust is broken but it’s his job not to cheat, not my job to run around trying to stop him. Dcum always jumps to cheating as though everyone would obviously do this. Lots of sad marriages:

Cheating is 100% about opportunity. Don’t fool yourself. Add in alcohol (or weed) and vacation or trip alone with opposite sex and even people that would never do something, often do cheat.

Smart, pro-active people never put themselves in a situation where that possibility exists. I had a guy when we lived in Barcelona that was part of our International friend group that had an obvious heavy crush on me. When my spouse had to go out of town for the weekend, this guy heavily pressured me into coming and hanging out with him and his equally gorgeous friends. I lied and said I was going somewhere for the weekend. My spouse also will not put himself in situations alone with women overnight, etc. That might mean going back to the hotel room alone instead of hanging out with the female co-worker drinking post-dinner.

It’s not policing your spouse. It’s being considerate and aware and policing yourself.

I wouldn't say it is 100% opportunity, because someone interested in cheating can always create an opportunity. (especially a woman)

...but an awful lot of cheating is basically a case where opportunity and interest intersect. That is why so much of it happens when someone is out of town.

I trust my spouse, and she trusts me, but we both avoid situations that could prove problematic. (Basically being alone with someone of the opposite sex, especially when alcohol is involved, especially out of town.)

[Anonymous]

The trip is inappropriate for so many reasons, some obvious and some more subtle. The fact that your wife would think it is ok, and the fact that you are married to the type of person who thinks it is ok, means that you both have issues and do not really understand what it means to be married. I feel sorry for you both, and for your daughter. I guarantee that you will be divorced sooner or later, probably sooner.

[Anonymous]

News flash, when emotionally healthy people get married, they dial back their friendships with single people of the opposite sex. It is called boundaries.