Would you be okay with your wife visiting her male best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

I find it funny when people give condescending hot dog answers only to tell on themselves.

Not pp but I genuinely find it strange that some posters can truly not comprehend the idea of a marriage where both parties aren’t trying to lie and cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

Yeah, I think the men are dogs thing is just BS. My personal take on that it's just the men admitting that in that scenario they would cheat.

I agree that a lot of this discussion doesn’t take into account the wife’s agency. Personally, I would not cheat under any circumstances. I’m not sure, though, that the “men are dogs” thing necessarily means that the DH would cheat but I do think it means they are a bit controlling and don’t fully trust their wife. I think it shows a certain level of insecurity.

When the guy is the one saying I see it as him saying in that scenario he would cheat, can't control himself men are dogs, unfortunately, a lot of women don't listen up when they should.

[Anonymous]

People, it’s really not that hard to not cheat on your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s really not that hard to not cheat on your spouse.

Exactly. And one way to make it easy not to cheat is to not put yourself in situations that are conducive to cheating, such as going on trips alone with opposite sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

Yeah, I think the men are dogs thing is just BS. My personal take on that it's just the men admitting that in that scenario they would cheat.

I agree that a lot of this discussion doesn’t take into account the wife’s agency. Personally, I would not cheat under any circumstances. I’m not sure, though, that the “men are dogs” thing necessarily means that the DH would cheat but I do think it means they are a bit controlling and don’t fully trust their wife. I think it shows a certain level of insecurity.

When the guy is the one saying I see it as him saying in that scenario he would cheat, can't control himself men are dogs, unfortunately, a lot of women don't listen up when they should.

I am a man and I think there are a lot of skeezy men out there but I would not cheat on my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s really not that hard to not cheat on your spouse.

Exactly. And one way to make it easy not to cheat is to not put yourself in situations that are conducive to cheating, such as going on trips alone with opposite sex

I guess I don’t have to have it “made easy”. It’s easy not to cheat regardless of the circumstance because my marriage is of utmost importance to me.

[Anonymous]

As a wife, I wouldn’t be ok with my husband spending a whole week vacationing with a female friend. I would also really avoid putting my husband in a position where he has to wonder if he should or not trust me. Boundaries!
Are you telling her about your discomfort of this situation? The way she answers would be very telling of the type of wife she is and the couple you form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

Oh goodness, let the attach start. I did say guys are easier to befriend and yes my best friend's wife is not as comfortable with our friendship. So I am consistent, no? What is the definition of women like me? Go ahead and pile it on.

In my experience, you have extremely low self-esteem, misogynistic views, and thus overvalue and get validation by having a lot of male friends, your male friends are more likely to tolerate your BS rather than call you out on it and encourage your growth. There are usually 1 or 2 women willing to take you under their wing and encourage your growth, unfortunately, the growth usually doesn't happen and they get tired of you as well.


It also reflects poorly on your friend that he maitains a friendship with someone who is so disrespectful of his wife, and don't think for a second your disdain doesn't show through.

This is so patronizing and no wonder PP filters her female friendships. See how little time it took for the Heathers to start chiming in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

This argument makes no sense. By that logic would it also be OK if the wife and male best friend went on a week long couples vacation in Hawaii without the toddler? This is not about trust or control. As as spouse you just don't put yourself in certain situations, and this is one of them.

+1 exactly. Forget about cheating, it’s about proper boundaries and respect.

[Anonymous]

I’m bisexual. Does that mean I should never visit any of my friends without my partner as a chaperone?

I think this board is ridiculous. Look, if OP is uncomfortable, I support him having the conversation and working it out with his wife. If they have a strong partnership they’ll figure out the right path forward.

But I refuse to believe that the default needs to be mistrust.

-someone who has visited friends of both genders, while on business trips or not, with child or with not, including a trip to move my best friend (I’m female, he’s male) into a post-divorce apartment after his infidelity. My partner and I are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s really not that hard to not cheat on your spouse.

Exactly. And one way to make it easy not to cheat is to not put yourself in situations that are conducive to cheating, such as going on trips alone with opposite sex

Maybe she ISN’T putting herself in a situation where she would cheat. Maybe she isn’t attracted to the friend, or doesn’t want to go there at all with him. It is all about lines and how secure and comfortable you are. I bet you thought Karen Pence was crazy for not allowing VP Mike talk to women alone. Your line is just different, but you feel the same way…. Maybe you think your line is more appropriate because more people you know agree with you, but I’m guessing Karen P felt the same way.

OP just needs to have a conversation with his wife and they need to figure out their line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

I can see why you have trouble making female friends since you think they do is gossip or backstab. Guess you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Just throwing it out there, but what if the “friend” is her long term AP? And as soon as she’s out there with your kid, she’ll file for divorce, full custody and marry that other guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bisexual. Does that mean I should never visit any of my friends without my partner as a chaperone?

I think this board is ridiculous. Look, if OP is uncomfortable, I support him having the conversation and working it out with his wife. If they have a strong partnership they’ll figure out the right path forward.

But I refuse to believe that the default needs to be mistrust.

-someone who has visited friends of both genders, while on business trips or not, with child or with not, including a trip to move my best friend (I’m female, he’s male) into a post-divorce apartment after his infidelity. My partner and I are on the same page.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a week long out of state trip, staying out of state and bringing your toddler with her?

You're kind of leaving a lot out here.

Have you met and spent time with this guy? Is he married? What's the house situation? Do other people live with him?