Would you be okay with your wife visiting her male best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

[Anonymous]

Nobody would be cool with this if the tables were turned. I'd be livid if DH flew across the country to stay with a female friend for a week. It's just so freaking disrespectful to spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

Oh goodness, let the attach start. I did say guys are easier to befriend and yes my best friend's wife is not as comfortable with our friendship. So I am consistent, no? What is the definition of women like me? Go ahead and pile it on.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s so odd. It sends a signal to the guy that he might choose to pursue. I’m a mom of young kids and wouldn’t be ok with dh doing this. I would just say you are uncomfortable and ask her to reschedule to when you can all go together.

[Anonymous]

I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

Oh goodness, let the attach start. I did say guys are easier to befriend and yes my best friend's wife is not as comfortable with our friendship. So I am consistent, no? What is the definition of women like me? Go ahead and pile it on.

Sorry pp but we can’t make this thread all about you. That’s probably why you prefer guy friends though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

Oh goodness, let the attach start. I did say guys are easier to befriend and yes my best friend's wife is not as comfortable with our friendship. So I am consistent, no? What is the definition of women like me? Go ahead and pile it on.

In my experience, you have extremely low self-esteem, misogynistic views, and thus overvalue and get validation by having a lot of male friends, your male friends are more likely to tolerate your BS rather than call you out on it and encourage your growth. There are usually 1 or 2 women willing to take you under their wing and encourage your growth, unfortunately, the growth usually doesn't happen and they get tired of you as well.


It also reflects poorly on your friend that he maitains a friendship with someone who is so disrespectful of his wife, and don't think for a second your disdain doesn't show through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

Yeah, I think the men are dogs thing is just BS. My personal take on that it's just the men admitting that in that scenario they would cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

Did you miss the part that I have 2 close female friends? If you aren't so quick to judge and trigger happy, I may take you as the intelligent, kind and interesting woman. You just proved my point...

NP here. You were the one who said you had a hard time making female friends and guys were just so much easier all the while complaining about your guy friend's wife. We all know women like you. The 3 female friends you have look past your makor flaws and are probably hopeful they can help you grow as a person.

Oh goodness, let the attach start. I did say guys are easier to befriend and yes my best friend's wife is not as comfortable with our friendship. So I am consistent, no? What is the definition of women like me? Go ahead and pile it on.

In my experience, you have extremely low self-esteem, misogynistic views, and thus overvalue and get validation by having a lot of male friends, your male friends are more likely to tolerate your BS rather than call you out on it and encourage your growth. There are usually 1 or 2 women willing to take you under their wing and encourage your growth, unfortunately, the growth usually doesn't happen and they get tired of you as well.


It also reflects poorly on your friend that he maitains a friendship with someone who is so disrespectful of his wife, and don't think for a second your disdain doesn't show through.

Lol because she does not want to be friends with you? Wow you are just toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

+1. This is exactly how I feel. Im a woman but I trust my husband and our relationship. And if he ever did want to cheat then I suppose he’d find a way no matter how much I tried to control his movements. I also don’t have a hard time not cheating, though. I’ve been approached and hit on and, while flattering, I have no issue telling men I’m married and not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

I find it funny when people give condescending hot dog answers only to tell on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

Yeah, I think the men are dogs thing is just BS. My personal take on that it's just the men admitting that in that scenario they would cheat.

I agree that a lot of this discussion doesn’t take into account the wife’s agency. Personally, I would not cheat under any circumstances. I’m not sure, though, that the “men are dogs” thing necessarily means that the DH would cheat but I do think it means they are a bit controlling and don’t fully trust their wife. I think it shows a certain level of insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this all men are dogs (which is a premise I don't think is far-fetched) justification. Where is the wife's agency here? Do you really think all these best/close friend's are going to rape your wife in this scenario? If not, are the men going to be so tricky that your wife won't be able to control herself in light of his seduction? I don't think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn't put myself in that situation because humans have sexual urges and things can happen but it seems disingenuous to say I trust my wife but men are dogs.

Yeah, I think the men are dogs thing is just BS. My personal take on that it's just the men admitting that in that scenario they would cheat.

I agree that a lot of this discussion doesn’t take into account the wife’s agency. Personally, I would not cheat under any circumstances. I’m not sure, though, that the “men are dogs” thing necessarily means that the DH would cheat but I do think it means they are a bit controlling and don’t fully trust their wife. I think it shows a certain level of insecurity.

Yes, women and men have agency. The entire point of this thread is what her willingness to go on a trip alone with another man indicates about her agency. There is information contained in the fact that a person has the desire to go on a trip with the opposite sex without their spouse. And the information content is not good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

This argument makes no sense. By that logic would it also be OK if the wife and male best friend went on a week long couples vacation in Hawaii without the toddler? This is not about trust or control. As as spouse you just don't put yourself in certain situations, and this is one of them.