Would you be okay with your wife visiting her male best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird that she even wants to do it. And come on, "people don't cheat when they bring a toddler" is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I can't even count the number of times I have had sex with my toddler sleeping 10 or fewer feet away

Agree and this is very weird. She is married, with a child. He is single. It makes no sense for her to leave her spouse behind and drag her toddler along to go see him. If they are that good of friends, single dude comes to see her at her house, with her family.

I'm thinking this might be why she is bringing the baby with her to make sure things stay platonic. The child will probably not give them a moment of peace and will be a constant reminder of her husband.

[Anonymous]

I just asked my husband and he said he would be pretty uncomfortable in the circumstances described by OP.

My best friend since childhood is also male. And I have gone for extended trips to visit him and stayed at his house. But he is gay, and married to a man, and they have a daughter about 9 months younger than my youngest. So… different circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she going to visit him specifically or does he just live at destination? I have a best male friend in LA, which is a big destination in its own right. When I’m in CA for events, I visit my friend but I haven’t gone to LA just to visit him. I’ll meet for dinner if I’m town. Is that the situation or she’s going to visit/stay with him?

She's going to visit him specifically. She's a SAHM. As for why he's not coming out here she wants to see some sites out west and he's going to show her around/

Then no. As someone with a male best friend, I’d never do this. While I have zero belief that I’d cheat, the situation is just disrespectful to DH. I know he’d be upset and would hate to do that to him. Same applies here.

If tables were turned and DH we’re going to visit female friend, no one would be cool with that.

[Anonymous]

I think if you feel uncomfortable with it that should be communicated and that she should respect that boundary.

I also think dcum, for some reason, has a lot of people who have experienced cheating and have very strong feelings around it that make them particularly suspicious.

I wouldn’t approach this from that jaded perspective but I would just tell her it’s something that is very important to you and ask that she respect your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are split on this. I said I’d be fine with it (I trust him fully and figure if he cheats that’s on him) he would not be ok with it since he perceives guys to be more aggressive in making moves and couldn’t fully trust the hypothetical guy friend I was with.

+1. I am on the fence about it but might be ok with certain female family friends that I already know well. DH said no way, all men are dogs. No matter how much I tell him I’d never cheat I don’t think he’ll ever stop thinking that some amazing guy could show up one day and swoop me off my feet. Maybe when we’re 90 and all wrinkled he’ll finally believe me lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just asked my husband and he said he would be pretty uncomfortable in the circumstances described by OP.

My best friend since childhood is also male. And I have gone for extended trips to visit him and stayed at his house. But he is gay, and married to a man, and they have a daughter about 9 months younger than my youngest. So… different circumstances.

thanks ever so much for contributing nothing to this conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a week long out of state trip, staying out of state and bringing your toddler with her?

My male best friend is married to my female best friend. I’ve been visiting them out of state for 26 years. I also have lunch or dinner just with him when he is in DC a couple times a year. I would wonder what was wrong with DH if he suddenly got insecure.

So you have never gone out of town for a week-long trip just to visit him and brought you, toddler, along. Thanks for sharing your totally irrelevant story.

Actually, I have. 14 years ago when I had a toddler. We did not sleep together then or ever.

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with it and I’d tell her so….calmly…..but I would leave the decision up to her. I trust her but as a member of the male species I don’t trust my fellow men. There could be an exception but I’d need to know him very well.

[Anonymous]

Travel means releasing sexual energy to me. I have only been on one trip in my entire life in which I was not actively scoping out men. However, I suspect that most women are not like this. Is your DW a flirty, sensual woman? If not, you have nothing to worry about, especially as she is taking your toddler.

[Anonymous]

My SO wouldn't be bothered by this as I did it a couple of months ago (not with a toddler) and am glad I did as it turned out my friend was dealing with a medical diagnoses that they wanted to share with me in person and I was able to be a support to them without having to balance having my partner there too. If you are uncomfortable with it though express that to your wife.

[Anonymous]

My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

I can't imagine at all why you have problems making female friends and why his wife doesn't like you?

[Anonymous]

My wife has a male close friend since childhood and I would have zero problem with her going to see him solo. And it's not because I trust him 100% because men are dogs but because she is a fully functioning human who makes her own life decisions.

I find it strange people control their spouses. If she wants to cheat she will and it won't be with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BFF since college is a guy who now lives out of state and married. I used to visit him (san DH) before he got married. We used to talk a lot too. We never dated and never thought about dating. DH doesn’t have any problem with it. But my BFF’s wife is intimidated by my friendship with her husband. So I don’t visit them solo anymore. When they visit, I go out of my way to avoid any alone time w my BFF just to make sure his wife doesn’t get the wrong idea.

It is really sad. He is really like a good girlfriend to me. We used to talk all night. I had always have trouble making female friends (I only have 2 close female friends). I am not good with gossiping or backstabbing. I have always found friendship with guys being more simple and easy on the mind. He and DH get along great. But his wife is just very insecure led.

This is incredibly sexist and serves to only reinforce stereotypes. I’m a woman and also don’t enjoy gossip and backstabbing - neither do my many girlfriends. Sounds like you aren’t very good at making friends with intelligent, kind and interesting women.

[Anonymous]

I trust my wife so I’d be ok with it. Seriously if she was going to have a side piece she’d do it local and not announce it.