Would you be okay with your wife visiting her male best friend

[Anonymous]

That feels weird. I would say no.

[Anonymous]

At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is friend in a relationship? Is wife staying with friend? Is there other stuff to do in the area and friend will play your guide? Did wife want you to come but you can’t?

Or is this a single guy best friend hosting your wife in the middle of nowhere for a week and you aren’t allowed to come?

Friend is single. I can't come because I can't get the time of because we're going on a trip later this year. They have been friends since childhood, as far as I know they have never dated. To my knowledge, he is not gay.

It sounds like you’re OK with it so why the post?

I'm not okay with it, it strikes me as odd, which is why I'm posting.

New poster. Why does it "strike you as odd" now, since she's known him since childhood, they haven't dated, and she's bringing a toddler with her? Do you not know him yourself well?

OP, is it really your own feeling that it's odd, or has someone else mentioned to you that it's odd? Is it possible you're letting the opinions of others, who have nothing to do with you, DW, your marriage or the friend, get to you? Is someone (or just your own, dare I say it, social conditioning that makes people say "No way can spouse of one gender see person of the opposite gender alone ever") getting in your way here? If you have zero reason to doubt your wife's fidelity, why get bothered now?

Ask yourself if this is really about her and him or if it's actually about how you think other people will perceive it if they knew she was going on this trip.

My DH has a couple of close female friends of very, very long standing. One is widow, the other lives with a BF but he travels a lot. I know them well and we've seen them on family trips many times. If DH were visiting his relatives who are near where they are, I would have zero hesitation about his going to see either of them and staying at their houses. DCUM will have its collective coronary at that idea but I don't care. The fact you're crowdsourcing this isn't good, OP. Do you have some other reason, not related to this guy, to not trust your wife? If not, do you have some reason not to trust the guy (and "he's male" is not a reason)? If the answer to both is no, then maybe you're letting other people or "what society says about mixed-gender 'sleepovers'" get inside your head. Could that be the case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

Certainly people should be able to trust their spouses, but people do cheat, and our norms/customs reflect that.

A married woman going on vacation without her husband but with a single guy is weird.

The toddler makes it a bit less weird, but what are they going to be doing on this vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

Certainly people should be able to trust their spouses, but people do cheat, and our norms/customs reflect that.

A married woman going on vacation without her husband but with a single guy is weird.

The toddler makes it a bit less weird, but what are they going to be doing on this vacation?

Eh I don’t think so. People can be good friends even attracted to one another and not act on it. Why do people think every attraction or interest must be acted on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

Certainly people should be able to trust their spouses, but people do cheat, and our norms/customs reflect that.

A married woman going on vacation without her husband but with a single guy is weird.

The toddler makes it a bit less weird, but what are they going to be doing on this vacation?

Eh I don’t think so. People can be good friends even attracted to one another and not act on it. Why do people think every attraction or interest must be acted on?[/quote]

+1 to the bold above. People on these boards have a strong tendency always, always to assume anyone and everyone will cheat if there is the slightest opportunity to cheat. But PP is right: People can be friends (even attracted) and not have to act on it. Some people really do have friendships that involve their brains and not their genitals.

As for the person above that, asking suspiciously, "What are they going to be doing on this vacation?," cute way to imply that the only activity they're likely to do is have sex. Do you have so very little imagination that you can't think of things two friends-since-childhood could talk about and do while together, other than get the toddler to nap and then jump into a bed themselves? it's pretty immature to assume that two adults cannot come up with things to do besides have sex.

OP could not have chosen a worse board or site for this issue. Everyone here, except for a very few of us, always assumes cheating will go on. I pity OP's wife if he's this suspicious of her, or if he's so cowed by what others will think that he lets it make him suspicious of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

Certainly people should be able to trust their spouses, but people do cheat, and our norms/customs reflect that.

A married woman going on vacation without her husband but with a single guy is weird.

The toddler makes it a bit less weird, but what are they going to be doing on this vacation?

Eh I don’t think so. People can be good friends even attracted to one another and not act on it. Why do people think every attraction or interest must be acted on?

I never said "every," but let me put it to you this way. I was once friends with a couple. (unmarried) We were planning on going on a trip together but the guy bailed... and his then-GF and I hooked up on this trip.

She broke up with him when we returned and a few weeks later we started dating. (If anyone is thinking this is an inauspicious start to a relationship, in retrospect I would agree, live and learn.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some point in your marriage you have to decide do I have complete trust in my spouse or not. Yes, you can be wrong but not having complete trust can just eat at you leading you to post on DCUM. My husband has a female tennis friend who is very attractive and they compete in mixed events that require travel. He’s never given me any reason to believe that they are anything more than just sports buddies.

Certainly people should be able to trust their spouses, but people do cheat, and our norms/customs reflect that.

A married woman going on vacation without her husband but with a single guy is weird.

The toddler makes it a bit less weird, but what are they going to be doing on this vacation?

Eh I don’t think so. People can be good friends even attracted to one another and not act on it. Why do people think every attraction or interest must be acted on?[/quote]

+1 to the bold above. People on these boards have a strong tendency always, always to assume anyone and everyone will cheat if there is the slightest opportunity to cheat. But PP is right: People can be friends (even attracted) and not have to act on it. Some people really do have friendships that involve their brains and not their genitals.

As for the person above that, asking suspiciously, "What are they going to be doing on this vacation?," cute way to imply that the only activity they're likely to do is have sex. Do you have so very little imagination that you can't think of things two friends-since-childhood could talk about and do while together, other than get the toddler to nap and then jump into a bed themselves? it's pretty immature to assume that two adults cannot come up with things to do besides have sex.

OP could not have chosen a worse board or site for this issue. Everyone here, except for a very few of us, always assumes cheating will go on. I pity OP's wife if he's this suspicious of her, or if he's so cowed by what others will think that he lets it make him suspicious of her.

No, I was asking what they were going to do on the vacation. Having a toddler along is rather limiting and I am curious what the plan is.

[Anonymous]

This is the dumbest set of responses I’ve ever heard. Of course it isn’t weird to do the trip! How on earth do you trust your partner to do anything?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, OP, my male childhood friends are like my brothers.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be OK with it at all, but I wouldn't really want to take a vacation without my spouse in the first place.

[Anonymous]

It's weird that she even wants to do it. And come on, "people don't cheat when they bring a toddler" is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I can't even count the number of times I have had sex with my toddler sleeping 10 or fewer feet away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the dumbest set of responses I’ve ever heard. Of course it isn’t weird to do the trip! How on earth do you trust your partner to do anything?

Yeah, it's beyond weird. I can't even begin to imagine approaching my spouse with this request.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman who's best friend from childhood is male. We've know each other since diapers, I am happily married (over 20 years), he is currently divorced. There never has been and never will be anything between us but friendship. My DH knows and has met this man. He happens to live in a great destination, and if me and the kids could go and DH couldn't, it would not be a big deal if we went without him.

Do you trust your wife or not? I would trust my DH in a similar situation and he would trust me.

[Anonymous]

This is really weird and weird that she's putting you in this position. This is your kid,right?