Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

[Anonymous]

I'd stay home. I'd never go there again based on your description- BUT I also would be freaked to have him and the kids near mold.

[Anonymous]

Stay home alone. Quiet home, binge a show, relax, get some things done that I never have time to tackle. How is this even a question???

[Anonymous]

Both you and your dh sound stubborn. Spend the weekend at home alone. But going forward, you two need to figure out a compromise.

Also they wasn't cool that you lied to your dh that you liked the cabin when you didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both you and your dh sound stubborn. Spend the weekend at home alone. But going forward, you two need to figure out a compromise.

Also they wasn't cool that you lied to your dh that you liked the cabin when you didn't.

It's one thing to like a place once a year, but's completely different to be forced to likely it on a biweekly basis---presumably it's gotten moldier and more gross since then too. I literally can't figure out why your DH doesn't do any maintenance to remediate mold and weird smells. Next time he badgers you to go, bring a few gallons of Kilz, some paint, some curtains, a couple of doors etc and tell him it's a work weekend and no one leaves or fishes or recreates until it's done. Next trip, whatever you need to fix the plumbing issues (or hire someone), next trip, new furniture and rugs. Make this a place you want to be! Do the work to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both you and your dh sound stubborn. Spend the weekend at home alone. But going forward, you two need to figure out a compromise.

Also they wasn't cool that you lied to your dh that you liked the cabin when you didn't.

It's one thing to like a place once a year, but's completely different to be forced to likely it on a biweekly basis---presumably it's gotten moldier and more gross since then too. I literally can't figure out why your DH doesn't do any maintenance to remediate mold and weird smells. Next time he badgers you to go, bring a few gallons of Kilz, some paint, some curtains, a couple of doors etc and tell him it's a work weekend and no one leaves or fishes or recreates until it's done. Next trip, whatever you need to fix the plumbing issues (or hire someone), next trip, new furniture and rugs. Make this a place you want to be! Do the work to make it happen.

She said she "pretended to be charmed" even when she saw it only one in awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you pretend to like the cabin when you were dating? I’m team husband here because you knew what you were getting into when you married him. He probably thought how great it was that the woman he loved enjoyed the outdoors as much as he does. Bait and switch OP.

In regards to the allergic reaction, that’s an issue. But like others have said before it’s not expensive to outfit this place to be more comfortable by putting in curtains and doors. It takes very little effort and money. The allergic reaction thing? On top of all the other reasons you have this place? I’m not sure I’m buying it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Has your husband done anything to make the place more appealing to you? Addressed the mold issue, the plumbing, or the lack of curtains or doors?

If he dealt with the mold, updated the plumbing, and added doors and curtains, would that solve your issue?

If not, then what, short of him never going to the cabin again, would make you okay with this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you pretend to like the cabin when you were dating? I’m team husband here because you knew what you were getting into when you married him. He probably thought how great it was that the woman he loved enjoyed the outdoors as much as he does. Bait and switch OP.

In regards to the allergic reaction, that’s an issue. But like others have said before it’s not expensive to outfit this place to be more comfortable by putting in curtains and doors. It takes very little effort and money. The allergic reaction thing? On top of all the other reasons you have this place? I’m not sure I’m buying it.

+1

She and the DH can "outfit this place to be more comfortable" all they want, but allergies may also be to the rural area where it's located, as well as the mold. She and her DH cannot control what's growing outdoors in that whole area. Air tends to move around, you know, and flow in from outside those cleaned walls, and past the curtained windows.

I'm sick of you PPs who insist this is really no big deal, requires "very little effort and money" and that OP is lying or claiming allergies solely because she doesn't want to go. I'm wagering none of you has ever had to spend substantial time in a building or an area that made you sick.

Her DH INSISTS she go or he pouts.

And those of you posting how she "lied" to him when she said she liked the cabin years ago --good God, none of you has ever feigned some enthusiasm for what a significant other was enthusiastic about? Ever? Your'e all so very perfect and without sin! Her DH knows by now she's not all that keen on the cabin and he knows it makes her sick, but he's choosing to be a baby about it. He can suck it up and go on his own.

[Anonymous]

That sounds miserable.

I would stay home as much as possible OP.

Two helpful things would be to buy some curtains and put them up, and to buy an air cleaner to take with you when you go, if this is a shared cabin.

[Anonymous]

Her husband had this cabin before they married, and enjoyed the cabin and thought that his bride-to-be did too. Now that they’re married he’s finding out she lied about her enjoyment of it. If OP had just said “something about that place gives me an allergic reaction, what should I do” the answers would be different. But it’s obvious by her OP that there’s nothing about it she does like. If it were just the allergy issue that’s one thing but she’s using that as an excuse because she’s bored there, doesn’t like the outdoor activities (which it seems her husband really enjoys and is sharing his enjoyment with the kids). She doesn’t like the layout, the lack of curtains, the lack of doors or the “old plumbing” (whatever that means). She just flat out doesn’t like the cabin, allergies or no allergies. And I’m sure it frustrates her husband who thought she really liked the place since she pretended to prior to their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her husband had this cabin before they married, and enjoyed the cabin and thought that his bride-to-be did too. Now that they’re married he’s finding out she lied about her enjoyment of it. If OP had just said “something about that place gives me an allergic reaction, what should I do” the answers would be different. But it’s obvious by her OP that there’s nothing about it she does like. If it were just the allergy issue that’s one thing but she’s using that as an excuse because she’s bored there, doesn’t like the outdoor activities (which it seems her husband really enjoys and is sharing his enjoyment with the kids). She doesn’t like the layout, the lack of curtains, the lack of doors or the “old plumbing” (whatever that means). She just flat out doesn’t like the cabin, allergies or no allergies. And I’m sure it frustrates her husband who thought she really liked the place since she pretended to prior to their marriage.

It's one thing to accommodate a cabin trip once in while dating. But if you don't enjoy the same activities as your spouse and just pretended to like them while dating is the whole bait and switch maneuver. Then both spouses wonder why the other one changed after marriage.

Women pretend to like things while dating. Then drop the gavel once they are married.

A golfer is going to still golf, a gamer is going to still game, a fisher is going to fish. Either let them know ahead of time you won't be participating in said activity, or prepare to keep the the accommodation. This isn't about the cabin.

[Anonymous]

A lot of suggestions to renovate the cabin... I thought OP said his family owns it, not DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of suggestions to renovate the cabin... I thought OP said his family owns it, not DH?

I doubt they'd object to installing interior doors and window shades, especially if OP offers to pay. You can get a whole house air purifier too. Definitely ways to make it more comfortable for OP.

[Anonymous]

I would says bye, I'll see you Tuesday. I would love a weekend at home with no kids.

[Anonymous]

So, he has been on his own with the kids every weekend and evening for the last month, and now that you have time for him, you want him to cancel his plans?
Nice.

Go. Suck it up. Get a sleep mask.