Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh yes stay home and enjoy!!!!
Let him know the expectations going forward or that you will go up for one long weekend a year and if he wants to go out more frequently he is able to do so. If my husband had something like this I honestly would encourage him to go up as much as possible. Wink wink. Lol.

Seriously though there was no reason he can't enjoy the cabin but it doesn't need to be with you.

[Anonymous]

It may not be the cabin and maybe the area like others have said.
I feel like I'm allergic to the state of Kentucky. I have no allergies whatsoever but the second that I've stepped foot in that state my eyes swell shut and I can't breathe until we leave.

[Anonymous]

It’s not mold, OP says that to make it sound worse. The fact is she probably wasn’t sick when they were dating or played it down so now it seems fake to her DH when she says the cabin makes her sick. I mean…she doesn’t want to go. The other stuff is just supplying reasons for the main point, she just doesn’t want to go. If it’s that important to your DH I would find a way to make it more enjoyable (movies or books or whatever) and then compromise on the amount of time spent there.

[Anonymous]

I am imagining that the kids will want to stay home once they find out you are not going. DH is getting the weekend off!

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you pretend to like the cabin when you were dating? I’m team husband here because you knew what you were getting into when you married him. He probably thought how great it was that the woman he loved enjoyed the outdoors as much as he does. Bait and switch OP.

In regards to the allergic reaction, that’s an issue. But like others have said before it’s not expensive to outfit this place to be more comfortable by putting in curtains and doors. It takes very little effort and money. The allergic reaction thing? On top of all the other reasons you have this place? I’m not sure I’m buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family cabin that is super rustic (like go outside to use outhouse, lanterns after dark rustic). My DH is not an outdoor guy, and I knew that when I married him. So he is as good a sport as he can manage and comes most years for a few days and I stay for a couple weeks with our son. I don’t pressure him to stay or make him feel badly for not being outdoorsy, and he doesn’t make me feel badly for loving the place. It look us a few years to get to that balance.

For folks saying modernize the cabin…if it is a family place it may not be in their control. Our place is owned with extended family, and the rusticness is the point. Folks would agree to remediate mold but probably not to add curtains or doors where they hadn’t been before. Everything is a negotiation between rusticness/tradition and comfort.

If it’s jointly owned you could probably rig up something temporary with light blocking curtains, clothesline and a few nails. And if you buy a few room air filters that are good quality, that can help significantly with the mold smell.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is being an a$$. If you want to compromise, make him sell the cabin and then buy one that doesn't make you physically sick. There needs to be compromise and not one that is detrimental to your health.

I would refuse to go. And frankly, mold is bad for everyone so I would be worried about the kids sleeping there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you pretend to like the cabin when you were dating? I’m team husband here because you knew what you were getting into when you married him. He probably thought how great it was that the woman he loved enjoyed the outdoors as much as he does. Bait and switch OP.

In regards to the allergic reaction, that’s an issue. But like others have said before it’s not expensive to outfit this place to be more comfortable by putting in curtains and doors. It takes very little effort and money. The allergic reaction thing? On top of all the other reasons you have this place? I’m not sure I’m buying it.

DP. Well, the "OP is lying" posters have come along.

I believe you, OP. And if this PP never, ever faked even a tiny bit of enthusiasm for something a significant other adored but PP didn't care for -- wow, what a paragon of moral rectitude that PP must be.

Oh, and I'm betting the PP doesn't even know that allergies can develop over time -- even in adults. And that with global warming, allergies are worsening for many people especially in locations where there is damp and mold and more stuff is growing.....

Anyway, OP, your DH sounds like he's not taking you seriously. That, even more than his love for the cabin, is a problem that needs addressing. Does he dismiss you in other ways?.... The fact he gets huffy and petulant if you don't go repeatedly is also a problem. He does not have the compromise gene, does he. Tell him he gets one trip out of you to the cabin each year and otherwise, he takes the kids each time. ANd by the way, OP, does he go places YOU want to go even if he's not thrilled by them? I would ask myself that, in your shoes. If the answer is no, maybe time for a broader talk about more than just the cabin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d beg away this weekend, but then find a long term solution moving forward. Take allergy shots/pills, add a dehumidifier and have the cabin really cleaned top to bottom.

But I really don’t think you’d want to go even if the cabin was sparkly clean.

Right, like thought experiment: The cabin has no mold and you feel fine. But it is still small and you have nothing you like to do. Wanna go??

^^^Wondering what the answer is to this? The mold issue is probably fixable.

[Anonymous]

Check into the Ritz Carlton while he stays in the moldy cabin. Bonus is they have fabulous spas.

[Anonymous]

"Listen Joe, you see that I break out in hives and have trouble breathing there. I just can't do it before this important project. Just the early morning wakeups will have me frazzled going into next week and I need to be on my A game. Let me get through this and then I'll get allergy testing that will tell us what kinds of things we need to have done so I can stay there. And blackout shades for sure. You and the kids love the outdoors much more than I do so by all means go and enjoy it together."

But PPs are right - would you go if it is fixed up? Can you get some books and treats and relax on the porch?

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the time home alone.

I used to drug myself to visit in laws with pets. It was awful and I was so out of it due to Benadryl. It was unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mold, OP says that to make it sound worse. The fact is she probably wasn’t sick when they were dating or played it down so now it seems fake to her DH when she says the cabin makes her sick. I mean…she doesn’t want to go. The other stuff is just supplying reasons for the main point, she just doesn’t want to go. If it’s that important to your DH I would find a way to make it more enjoyable (movies or books or whatever) and then compromise on the amount of time spent there.

Nice fan fiction you wasted your time writing here.

[Anonymous]

As I read OP I have to agree likely not mold. Easy way to find out -- have it tested. I don't doubt she has some reaction. That has to get dealt with. As a compromise you could fix it up. Probably not that expensive to do. But this is something that he loves. You married this when you married him. I agree with the bait and switch. I am on team DH also and I am a DW.

[Anonymous]

OP renovate it. What’s the problem? You should have never pretended to like it in the beginning.