Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does you husband acknowledge that you feel sick there? Does he offer to do something to help?

While I think you should explore medication, it seems like he should be offering suggestions to change the environment to make it more comfortable.

This! Mold can be a serious problem. Does he have any interest in getting that taken care of? Why doesn’t he do something to help the problem with the light?? It’s like he is willing to make no concessions but does not care that you are uncomfortable. I would be so frustrated.

[Anonymous]

sell it and buy another place there. and make that rustic

[Anonymous]

Is mold remediation something that works? What about updating the plumbing? Seems like you would want to keep your house in good condition and it has the important bonus of making help your health while there.

[Anonymous]

Call his bluff. Let him go and he takes the kids.

You spend a relaxing weekend at home.

[Anonymous]

My DH is allergic to everything. We always travel with a HEPA machine to clean the air. Run it 24/7. It helps. Also you should see an allergist. When things are really bad for my DH he starts stacking his allergy meds. Worst case scenario is Claritin D 24 hour plus Singulaire. He also has special eye drops.

[Anonymous]

If he loves and you don't, him going without you seems like a great compromise. I don't think it's fair that you complain about him going without you, especially if he takes your kids. And especially if your reason for not wanting to go this weekend is needing a "quiet" weekend.

Moving forward, I think he should be allowed to go alone, or you all look into having it cleaned/ remodeled/ or you look for a similar not-quite so rustic alternative that will be outdoorsy for him and quiet but not allergy making for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does you husband acknowledge that you feel sick there? Does he offer to do something to help?

While I think you should explore medication, it seems like he should be offering suggestions to change the environment to make it more comfortable.

This! Mold can be a serious problem. Does he have any interest in getting that taken care of? Why doesn’t he do something to help the problem with the light?? It’s like he is willing to make no concessions but does not care that you are uncomfortable. I would be so frustrated.

Right? If this is so important to DH, why can't he do some updates on the cabin? It sounds like it is sorely needed. Is he willing to put some money into modernizing it? I mean, at a minimum, he can put up some curtains FFS. But sounds like there also needs to be mold remediation and updated plumbing.

I actually really like the outdoors and doing things like canoeing, but I would not be okay with going to a moldy cabin. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like Carrie on SATC when Aiden takes her to the country!!
HA.
But really: My husband's family owns a rural cabin in a very remote part of PA. There's nothing to do. When we were dating, I went along with it and pretended to be charmed. We lived across the country at the time and I thought, how bad could it be?

Well now we're back in the area and he wants to go there throughout the summer. It causes fights. There is a tiny bathroom without effective plumbing, but the main issue is mold -- there's something in the home that makes me wheeze and break out in hives on my neck and chest whenever I am inside and Nyquil or Benadryl doesn't touch it (or else just makes me sleep). There are no doors for the two small bedrooms and no shades so the light pours in at 5 a.m.

The only alternative to being inside is to spend all my time on a screen porch.

He takes the kids fly-fishing or canoeing, neither of which I do.

My issue is normally I just suck it up for a weekend in the summer but he really gets resentful and wants to go more. Next week, I am launching a massive initiative at work that a promotion depends on. I have spent the past month head down on it working weekends and nights sometimes. I want nothing more to spend a quiet Labor Day hanging with my family. DH is upset and wants to go to the log cabin. I said please, I just need a quiet weekend to regroup before my big event, can we do small trips close to home, and he's pissed off. Then he said fine I want to go, just stay home alone.
So basically I spent the weekend alone by myself or go to the cabin where I'll get no sleep due to my allergies.

WWYD

OK, if you are at the point where you are literally breaking out in hives at this place, then your husband is a real a-hole for not making any attempt to fix the problem. That's like, sociopathic behavior.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down, OP. This is your health!

Also, you really need to get yourself tested for mold and other allergens, OP. Then you'd have a diagnosed, legitimate reason to avoid such places in the future.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go often but you can easily add blackout shades to the windows. Doors are a cheap handyman fix. I sympathize w/ the mold but neither thing you’re taking will help. Start on Zyrtec or Allegra and well as
Flonase and be strict about it. Don’t just take when you’re going

[Anonymous]

Just want to say as someone with a serious mold allergy I feel you. It ruins everything.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree you shouldn’t go someplace that is making you sick. For this weekend just let him take the kids are you relax. For future, if you own the cabin. I would figure out what it would take it make it comfortable for you, and then have a serious talk with your husband. My guess is you need kilz and paint on the inside walls, new upholstery. and dehumidifiers, plus of course doors on the bedroom and some curtains (or really I’d just do vinyl shades or curtains which will block light better and also be easy to just wipe down to elimate dust and mold). I’d add a hammock and some Adirondack chairs out front for reading and a fire pit for roasting marshmallows and grilling that fish.

Second, Benadryl is the worst. Have you tried Claritin or Zyrtec? I need one of those every day plus something like singulair on bad days. If you’re relying on Benadryl I’m. It surprised you are miserable.
Third, how old are you kids? Once they have friends of their own they are not going to want to go to this cabin all the time. They also won’t be happy with the lack of privacy and will want doors on the bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

I have a pretty strong allergy to mold. Have been tested and diagnosed. On one occasion during a day long hike in the woods I actually developed hay fever during the course of the day and realized the woods were super moldy from lots of rain, mushrooms abound. anyway, my point is that I finally got a prescription for a nasal antihistamine spray that works wonders. Not a nasal steroid spray like Flonase, but an actual antihistamine. Works far better than Claritin etc. and Flonase etc. but to your question, dear lord take the weekend to yourself!!!

[Anonymous]

Your husband doesn’t care the shack is apparently toxic with a mold infestation or you’re exaggerating?

[Anonymous]

I'm siding with a lot of PPs here - let him take the kids on his own this weekend, but it's time for a sit down to talk about him pouting about you not wanting to go to a mold-infested cabin with crappy plumbing that makes you sick.

While I get that going up there may not be your jam in general I also think that if it was fixed up and you physically felt well then you should give it a chance. It could be a great place to create some family memories. But your husband had got to meet more than halfway and work to make it liveable and pleasant for you.